Dude, You’d Steal the One‐Liners Off a Wednesday

One‐armed cracked‐out dude to equally cracked‐out girlfriend: And he’s lookin’ at me like he ain’t never seen nobody stealin’ before!

–Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick

Overheard by: matthias

Drunk man to random girl on street: I mean, I stole this girls’ shoelaces, and then she got really mad at me…

–2^nd Ave & 4^th St

Comedy show peddler: Who wants to buy some stolen shit? (pause) Nah, just kidding, who wants to see a comedy show?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Ali

Woman with pink hair to friend: Fuck that bitch, she still stole my clothes when I was in jail.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Renny

Man to woman, about his father: Yeah, he was so great, so smart… A drug addict. He was always there for me. Like, if I needed something, anything, he’d go steal it for me. That’s what sticks with you, you know?

–1 Train

Overheard by: RDM

Posted on October 17, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Brooklyn, Clothing, Couples, Drugs, Drunks, Friends, Insults, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Prison, Shoes, Strangers, Street, Theater & Dance, Thievery, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

…When I Was a Kid

Guy #1: Wow, I can’t believe we’re at the Macy’s parade, I used to watch this on tv as a kid.
Guy #2: I used to watch this on tv in jail.

–34^th St

Overheard by: Heibi

Posted on August 23, 2022
Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Guys, Kids, Prison, TV

Your Editors Find Themselves Drunk With All the Possiblities

20‐something girl to friend: You can’t be serious!
Friend: Tasteless clear liquid, I’m telling you what.
20‐something girl: Hey, are you in jail? Are you on fire? Then shut the hell up!

–Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Victoria Lynne Blakeman

Posted on May 25, 2022
Fire, Friends, Girls, Insults, Prison, Questions, Street, Weirdness

Shanks for Sharing

Store guy: You want a baloney sandwich or something?
Dude: Nah. The only time I eat baloney is when I’m in the joint.

–Bodega, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Andy K.

Posted on May 11, 2022
Food, Men, Offers and requests, Prison, Vendors & Street Performers, Williamsburg

As for the Third Arm, It’s a Long Story

Thug: God, is there anything wrong with you? Do you have horns?
Chick: No.
Thug: A third arm?
Chick: Nope.
Thug: Have you ever been in jail?
Chick: Nope.
Thug: Well, you know, I’ve been in jail…
Chick: Um…

–3^rd between 13^th & 14^th

Overheard by: Elizabeth Wiederseim

Posted on February 23, 2022
Prison, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Sadly, This Makes Logical Sense

Guy: Yeah, I was in jail and got my Associate’s.
Girl: Yeah? Was it free?
Guy: 20 dollars or something.
Girl: Damn! I’m gonna be paying school loans forever! I should go to jail!

–Wai Cafe, 17^th St & 6^th Ave

Overheard by: 167girl

Posted on January 19, 2022
Education, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Money & Class, Prison, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Time

…In the 1800s

Girl: Oh my god, I just found out that my high school drama teacher has been sleeping with the kid who’s the star in all of the shows.
Boy: Shit!
Girl: Yeah, I heard they’re both in jail now or something.
Boy: That’s like the time that family in my town had those slaves.

–Crowded Elevator, NYU

Overheard by: confused

Posted on June 20, 2021
Boys, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Education, Elevators, Girls, NYU, Prison, School and studying, Sex, Theater & Dance, Weirdness

Mostly CNN

Seven‐year‐old boy: You know Britney’s on crack, she’s on crack. And your girl Lindsay is so going to jail for selling cocaine. That Britney is crazy.
Aunt: That boy watches too much TV.

–LIRR

Overheard by: I think lindsay is going to jail too