Desperate lady walking in diner: Can I use your bathroom?
Diner guy: Bathrooms are for customers only.
Desperate lady: I’ll give you ten dollars.
Diner guy: Bathrooms are for customers.
Desperate lady: I’m desperate.
Diner guy: You can talk to the manager.
Desperate lady to manager: Can I use your bathroom?
Manager: Bathrooms are for customers.
Desperate lady: I’ll give you ten dollars.
Manager: I don’t need ten dollars.
–Diner, Chelsea
Overheard by: stephie
President: Are they de‐seminating the office?…I mean decimating?
–40th & Madison Ave
Overheard by: EScrillz
Girl reading poster: The fastest… (pause) “fastest.” Is that a word?
–42nd St AMC Theatre
Overheard by: Steph
Man on cell: Yeah, well that’s what the beasting is for!
–Penn Station
Woman to friends: You know me, I say what I speak.
–Fordham Road
Frenchman trying to learn English: I was a beef with those potatoes!
–TGI Fridays, Times Square
Overheard by: CS
Hipster art student to friend: As much as…like…whatever, like.
–School of Visual Arts
Overheard by: I guess that’s English
Tourist: I feel so elated! Wait…no, I mean, “violated.”
–Uptown 3 Train
Overheard by: Sally Tempo
Young thug to friends: Stop, stop, stop! Stop, seriously, stop. C’mon, I’m not kidding! Seriously. I have shoe phobia!
–Metro‐North Rail
Guy with shoe in hand, catching up to woman who lost it: Here you go, Cinderella!
–Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: thorn
Manager of ladies’ shoe store: It’s easy to close. You put the hooker boots – all this hoochie stuff, with the hooker boots, you put the flats with the flats, you put the day shoes with the day shoes. Now, Narnia over there is another story…
–Macy’s
Overheard by: Sarah R
Chick to guy: If you buy me Jimmy Choos, I’ll have your baby.
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Lets hope she’ll have the baby anyway…
Four‐year‐old girl stepping out of taxi: Mommy, can we go online to buy shoes today?
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: …wow.
Chef, checking to make sure everyone has washed their hands: Are you sterile?
Older man: In more ways than one.
–Rustico Cooking Studio
Overheard by: Lobster
Preppy guy: This may be the last thing I say with my penis attached, but…
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Hunter
Girl on cell: Well, I mean… his penis is really important here, if his is better I’ll take him!
–26th St & Lexington Ave
Overheard by: your mom
Asian guy: Everyone else was on the floor. Everyone had a penis in their face.
–D Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Girl on cell: All I’m saying is: don’t jump on the first penis that comes along!
–Broadway
Boss, about weightlifting: My genitals were so inverted I used to crap my penis.
–5th Ave
Teacher: There are about six euphemisms for “penis” in the first scene!
–Junior High School
Overheard by: gabygrillz
Opera director, after tech sticks a wire hanger under the thermostat box to turn up the heat: Well, someone just got an abortion! (everyone stares) Okay, enough of that. Back to work! Ha! Ha! Ha!
–Brooklyn Music School
Comedy club promoter: Cheaper than a Chinese abortion!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Mickey
Bar customer to bartender: You’re only 22? I have an aborted fetus that’s older than you!
–110th & Amsterdam
Man selling tickets: Help me pay for my girlfriend’s abortion by coming to the comedy club!
–Times Square
Man to very pregnant friend he has not seen for a while: Karen! Oh my god, how are you? I thought you had gotten an abortion.
–D Train
Overheard by: blistexaddict
Bartender: Actually, some people are sitting there.
Patron: Well, when they come back, we’ll move.
Bartender: They’re standing behind you.
–Bar, Theater District
Soulful black man: Well, think about this. A white man lived in Graceland, a black man lived in Neverland. (nods knowingly)
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: Bearsian
Gallery director to intern: So after he was arrested we sent a letter to Henry Gates asking him for money, you know, since we are a multicultural organization.
–Lower East Side Art Gallery
Latina to Latino: Latinos and black people can’t be racist. That’s, like, just white people.
–Red Hook, Brooklyn
White hobo: When I see a black nigger together with a white nigger, that just confuses the hell outta me.
–Houston & Clinton
Woman: She likes black dogs because she’s black, and I like white dogs because I’m white.
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: Yehuda
20‐something man on cell: I just bought another Transformers t‑shirt. That means I am one Transformers t‑shirt away from being able to only wear Transformers t‑shirts.
–9th Ave & 45th St
Overheard by: Serena
Male art teacher: What’s wrong with chiffon? If I were home right now, I would be wearing chiffon.
–Hunter College High School
Bar owner to college kid wearing suit: Look atchu all dressed up. What, are you goin’ on a game show or somethin?
–Citi Bar
Overheard by: Lulu
20‐something girl on cell: You should’ve known when you liked his clothes that he was going to be overly emotional. No one who dresses that good can hold it all together.
–Locker Room, Crunch Gym
Guy to group of friends: Yeah, so I said to him, “Mike, it’s a problem when you wearin’ the same clothes as your daughter.’ ”
–5th Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: Sue
Little girl: Hey! Come over here!
Coffee guy: I can’t! I’m working! Why don’t you come over here?
Little girl: I can’t! I’ve got family here!
Manager lady: Hey, so does he! All our workers are family here!
–Starbucks, Union Square SE
Overheard by: Chris R
