If You're Against Wednesday One-Liners, Don't Have One

Opera director, after tech sticks a wire hanger under the thermostat box to turn up the heat: Well, someone just got an abortion! (everyone stares) Okay, enough of that. Back to work! Ha! Ha! Ha!

–Brooklyn Music School

Comedy club promoter: Cheaper than a Chinese abortion!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Mickey

Bar customer to bartender: You're only 22? I have an aborted fetus that's older than you!

–110th & Amsterdam

Man selling tickets: Help me pay for my girlfriend's abortion by coming to the comedy club!

–Times Square

Man to very pregnant friend he has not seen for a while: Karen! Oh my god, how are you? I thought you had gotten an abortion.

–D Train

Overheard by: blistexaddict