Pregnant woman: They really need to make cigarettes illegal. I can smell that woman’s smoke from half a block away. Anything you can smell from half a block away has got to be outlawed. I mean, I’ve never smelled a fart from half a block away!
–Houston & Thompson
Girl #1: I don’t know how I got pregnant.
Girl #2: Well, don’t you use birth control?
Girl #1: Yes! That’s why I don’t understand. Right after I had sex I squirted in a lot of that birth control foam cream stuff.
Girl #2: After? You’re supposed to put it in before. That’s why it prevents pregnancy.
Girl #1: Oh? I didn’t know that.
Girl #2: You know you oughta get a IUD. There’s nothing to remember or know, they just stick it in there and you can like keep it in there forever!
Girl #1: Who sticks it in?
Girl #2: Forget it. Just go to the doctor like right away like yesterday. Uh, I mean as soon as possible.
–1st & 1st
Overheard by: Deborah Olin
Guy: What would you do if you had plans and then your sister had a baby?
Friend: Ummm… I’d go be with my sister.
Guy: Well, I wouldn’t.
–N train
Overheard by: Katie
Chick #1: Dude, everyone’s popping out babies these days. JLo, TomKat, Britney. It’s like they’re the new fucking accessory.
Chick #2: Yeah, who wants a fucking baby anyway? You just turn into a fatass with stretch marks and saggy tits with a screaming infant who no one wants to be around.
Very pregnant passenger: I’m due in two weeks.
Chick #1: Aww! Is it a boy or a girl?
–F train
Well-meaning volunteer: Help yourself, free condoms from the department of public health.
Hugely pregnant passerby: Too late.
–Grand Central Terminal
Overheard by: Katie
Eight-year-old girl, singing: Fat lips, big lips, get your pregnant lips here!
–6 Train
Out-of-breath man on steps: Okay, man, breathe. Breathe like you're having your first child!
–W4 Subway
Overheard by: Keep Pushing On!
Pregnant woman on cell: So, yeah, I'm about 5 centimeters dilated, so I'm going to get a Tasti D-Lite and then go to the hospital.
–Rockefeller Center
Hot skinny, Asian girl to hot, skinny, blonde friends: So, am I going to get pregnant this month or what?
–57th & Park
Overheard by: would have liked to help her
Girl on phone: Okay, so I got the pregnancy test and the vodka. We'll see which one wins.
–6 Train
Young girl: I want to sit over there! (points to occupied seat)
Pregnant mother: Girl, if I wasn't holding a baby in, I'll piss all over you.
–E Train
Overheard by: was sitting next to her…
Pregnant woman: Can I cut in front of you, it’s an emergency?
Unpregnant man: Yeah no problem, but you better name that shit after me.
–Famiglia, 8th & Broadway
Thug kid: When are you having that damn baby?
Preggers: I was due last week and I want a C-section but the doctor said we shouldn’t do it yet.
Thug kid: I’ma call that doctor tomorrow and tell him to take that nigga out.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Anthony Amico
Pregnant woman on cell: I'd love to have another baby with him, but did you know he got two different girls pregnant in one year? (later in the conversation) Mmm-hmm, I know. Kids are annoying!
–7-Eleven
Overheard by: Jeffrey Rice
