Wednesday One-Liners: Unfiltered.

Chick on cell, not visibly pregnant: I'm having a c-section and a cigarette.

–Simply Natural, 43rd & 10th

Overheard by: Pleased

Recurrent drunkard to bar: I'm not a smoker! I'm a libertarian, for fuck's sake!

–Peter McMannus Pub

LIRR conductor: There will be no pugilism on this train. Additionally, tonight marks the first night of Kwanzaa, and in the spirit of Kwanzaa, I ask you to not smoke on this train. This is the final warning: if you are smoking, you will be ejected at the next convenient stop. Also, no throwing up is allowed on the train. The two places where you may throw up are in the conveniently-located bathrooms, or on yourselves. Again, merry Kwanzaa.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Jenna K

NYU girl: Do you have a cigarette to ease my cough?

–Waverly & Mercer

Chick: Mad Men is like porn for smokers.

–172nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on May 9, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Drunks, Fighting and ass kicking, Film, Girls, Illness, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Politics, Porn, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Smoking, Store, Students, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Vomit, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

I Remembered to Mention, It’s More Gross Than Cute

A pregnant woman shows an ultrasound photo to her friend and says: Look, it’s my boo!
Friend: You look great. It’s freaking weird. You’re like a host…an alien host or something.
Pregnant woman: Oh, I forgot to mention, I think it’s cute!

–Zeytinia, 2nd & 94th

Overheard by: Emerson Beyer

Posted on April 15, 2015
Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Restaurants & Cafes

No, That’s Why She Got Hep C

Woman: That’s enough pushing, people. I’m pregnant and I’m nice and tight up in here.
Guy: That’s why you got pregnant!

–6 train

Overheard by: john chianese

Posted on November 16, 2014
Assholes, Innuendo, Insults, On the Subway, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation

I Knew I Shouldn’t Have Worn This Shirt Again.

Nice guy #1: Hey, miss, would you like my seat?
Preggers: No.
Nice guy #2: Here, take mine. I’m getting off soon.
Preggers: For the love of God, I fucking said no! People these days gotta learn themselves some English.

–Bronx-bound 4 train

Posted on November 9, 2014
Etiquette, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Manhattan, On the Subway, Preggers

Wednesday One-Liners Want Angelina Jolie to Adopt Them

Large black woman to another: So I said to him, "Muthafucka, don't you know a baby comes out of that shit? Ain't nothing you got down there gonna hurt me!"

–Fulton St

Old man with thick Russian accent: It is fresher than a baby's bottom!

–Ave M & E 16th, Brooklyn

Ghetto black guy on phone: Nah, I was locked up, but I'm out now, and she's tryin' to say it's my baby, but that shit ain't mine.

–Downtown 2 Train

Man on cell, passing adorable child playing with dog: I love fucking babies!

–10th & 53rd

Puerto Rican girl to pregnant friend: You feel like you have to poop, but that's just the baby.

–36th St & 34th Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Bryan Bruner

Conductor: Ma'am, please step off the ramp platform and wait until it is safe. (pause) Miss, you're having a frickin' baby, get off the ramp! (she does) Thank you.

–Metro-North Rail Tracks

Overheard by: Theonlyonewhoseemedtonotice

Teenage mother to friends, running to catch subway: Last one gets the baby!

–Broadway

Overheard by: Francisco S. Ramírez

Posted on October 3, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Astoria, Babies, Black People, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Family Ties, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Poop, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Prison, Public Transportation, Puerto Ricans, Questions, Robbing the Cradle, Street, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

It'd Be Good to Feel Respectable Again

Girl to pregnant friend: You're only three months along? Man, you think it's twins?
Pregnant girl: I hope so. And hey, if it is twins, I'll finally have two kids by the same dad.

–Uptown E train

Posted on January 2, 2010
Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Kids, On the Subway, Parents, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control

It's the Birth Defect Nobody Talks About

Snobby Upper East Side lady to obviously pregnant lady: There's no room in here! Ugh, move over! You're just too fat!
Pregnant lady, slightly baffled, What a bitch!
Snobby lady, with nose in the air: Yes, I am.

–6 Train

Overheard by: sara

Posted on January 1, 2010
Diet/Weight, Insults, On the Subway, Only in New York, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Women

Unless You Want to Be Burped

Attitude girl #1 to pregnant woman walking by: Uh! Excuse me!
Attitude girl #2: Girl, don't ever mess with a pregnant lady.

–F Train

Overheard by: Teresa

Posted on October 11, 2009
Advice, Girls, On the Subway, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control

Especially Having Slept With Her Husband

Pregnant teacher: Yeah, so my husband loves me and I'm pregnant. Yeah, that's life…everything works out.
Black girl to friend: Yo, she makes me mad depressed.

–Edward R Murrow High School

Posted on April 9, 2009
Black People, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Girls, Marriage, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness

You're the Worst Mentor Ever

Pregnant Latina: So I've been really thinking about what I want, and I want a ranch.
Thug: A ranch? What for?! When you have a ranch you gotta have animals, nigga. It's a whole different kind of struggle.
Pregnant Latina: I just want a ranch.
Thug: Well you better make it a gun ranch.

–Uptown 4 Train

Overheard by: Jenni

Posted on November 10, 2008
Animals & Nature, Latinos, On the Subway, Preggers, Thugs, Weapons, Weirdness, Wishes & desires