If You're Against Wednesday One-Liners, Don't Have One

Opera director, after tech sticks a wire hanger under the thermostat box to turn up the heat: Well, someone just got an abortion! (everyone stares) Okay, enough of that. Back to work! Ha! Ha! Ha!

–Brooklyn Music School

Comedy club promoter: Cheaper than a Chinese abortion!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Mickey

Bar customer to bartender: You're only 22? I have an aborted fetus that's older than you!

–110th & Amsterdam

Man selling tickets: Help me pay for my girlfriend's abortion by coming to the comedy club!

–Times Square

Man to very pregnant friend he has not seen for a while: Karen! Oh my god, how are you? I thought you had gotten an abortion.

–D Train

Overheard by: blistexaddict

Posted on November 29, 2018
Abortion, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bartenders, Bosses, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Laughter, Men, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, School, Strangers, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners

Pretend to Enjoy It and You Can Have the Whole Cup

Boyfriend: Mmmm… Coffee…
Preggers girlfriend: What?! You got coffee? Give me a sip…
Boyfriend: No, baby… No caffeine for you…
Preggers girlfriend, trying to wrestle cup away: Just a sip? Pleeease?!
Boyfriend: No! Bad for the baby…
Preggers girlfriend: I’ll suck your dick for a sip! [Boyfriend immediately hands the cup over.]

–Times Square

Overheard by: Mike

Posted on April 10, 2018
BJs, Couples, Default, Gripes, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Times Square

It's Rather Hard to Miss

Random lady to pregnant Indian woman: It's a girl… Girls make your ass look huge.
Pregnant Indian woman: Oh… But, it's a boy, I just went to doctor.
Random lady: Did your doctor see your huge ass?

–Cortelyou Rd, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Taylor

Posted on February 14, 2016
Ass, Brooklyn, India Indians, Kids, Physical appearance, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Strangers

Wednesday Onesie Liners

Woman on cell, loudly: No, no, my baby's getting fixed that day!

–5th Ave

Yuppie thug in three-piece suit, loudly on cell while riding escalator: So you sayin' it's mines? How you know it's mines? Naw naw, how you know? Bitch, kiss my ass! If they ain't been no muh-fuckin DNA test, then they ain't been no baby sprung up outta my dick! I ain't no adoption agency!

–Borders, Penn Station

Overheard by: IJustWanttoBrowseMadonna'sBrother'sTell-AllinPeace

20-something male on cell: What did I tell you about having sex with people who have babymama problems? That's why I gave up my crush on Bristol Palin.

–110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Topical

Black lady with stroller: Ohhh, no. All y'all are not fitting into this car. Stop pushin' up on my baby. Y'all need to back that shit up now. (baby starts crying) What do you want? What do you want? Are you having hot flashes? Cause I know I am. Jesus!

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Alie

Black woman: Of all his babymamas, why he alway bothering her? He has all these babymamas and he's always bugging her. She must still be puttin' out.

–34th & Broadway

Very young pregnant woman purchasing cigarettes on: What the hell kind of difference does what you eat have on what kind of baby you have?

–Nostrand & Dean, Crown Heights

Overheard by: Siobhan

Posted on August 3, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Baby Mama/Daddy, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Penn Station, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Sex, Should've Used a Condom, Smoking, Store, Street, Stupidity, Thugs, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Yuppies

Kevin and Britney Reflect On Why They Fell in Love

Pregnant woman: Are you gay?

Guy looks over at woman’s stomach and looks up.

Guy: You look like a whore.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Jakob Wells

Posted on July 23, 2015
Gays and Lesbians, Grand Central, Preggers, Prostitution

Unless You're Determined to Raise a Crappy Person

Pregnant lady: My tummy hurts, it's either gas or the baby.
Husband: How can you tell the difference?
Pregnant lady: By which exit is used.

–Katz Deli

Overheard by: M. McOrmick

Posted on July 9, 2015
Body Parts, Couples, Delis, Farting & Burping, Health and Hygiene, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Private Parts

Can Civil Engineering Correct This Lack Of Civility? Discuss.

(nurse with elderly lady on wheelchair comes against Asian American pregnant woman with baby in stroller)
Nurse: Oh my, I'm sorry! (pulls back to let woman and child pass)
Asian American pregnant woman: Oh, I'm sorry, I can…
Senile old lady: Get out of the way, chink!
(infant cries)
Asian American pregnant woman: Excuse me?
Nurse: Oh my god! I'm so sorry.
Senile old lady: Don't apologize!
(nurse backs up and lets mother and child through)

–Washington Square Village

Overheard by: zgoldberg

Posted on June 29, 2015
Apologies, Asians, Insults, Nurses, Old People, Preggers, Race, Washington Square Park, Wheelbos

Oh, All Right. Sigh

Vendor: Comedy show! Comedy show?
Pregnant teen: No, thanks.
Vendor: Oh… Come on, you might as well make another bad decision! (gestures to belly)

–Times Square

Overheard by: Taryn

Posted on June 7, 2015
Comebacks, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Teens, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers

Wednesday One-Liners: Unfiltered.

Chick on cell, not visibly pregnant: I'm having a c-section and a cigarette.

–Simply Natural, 43rd & 10th

Overheard by: Pleased

Recurrent drunkard to bar: I'm not a smoker! I'm a libertarian, for fuck's sake!

–Peter McMannus Pub

LIRR conductor: There will be no pugilism on this train. Additionally, tonight marks the first night of Kwanzaa, and in the spirit of Kwanzaa, I ask you to not smoke on this train. This is the final warning: if you are smoking, you will be ejected at the next convenient stop. Also, no throwing up is allowed on the train. The two places where you may throw up are in the conveniently-located bathrooms, or on yourselves. Again, merry Kwanzaa.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Jenna K

NYU girl: Do you have a cigarette to ease my cough?

–Waverly & Mercer

Chick: Mad Men is like porn for smokers.

–172nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on May 9, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Drunks, Fighting and ass kicking, Film, Girls, Illness, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Politics, Porn, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Smoking, Store, Students, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Vomit, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

I Remembered to Mention, It’s More Gross Than Cute

A pregnant woman shows an ultrasound photo to her friend and says: Look, it’s my boo!
Friend: You look great. It’s freaking weird. You’re like a host…an alien host or something.
Pregnant woman: Oh, I forgot to mention, I think it’s cute!

–Zeytinia, 2nd & 94th

Overheard by: Emerson Beyer

Posted on April 15, 2015
Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Restaurants & Cafes