Doctor to patient: It’s simply impossible to fall on it! Your ass would not stretch that far for it to go in!

Sparrow Hospital ER
Lansing, Michigan

Overheard by: laughing intern

Amherst girl to Dartmouth guy, discussing Hillel dinners at Harvard: I turned down a position at Massachusetts General Hospital because they don't have squash courts.

Commuter Rail Train
Boston, Massachusetts

Dentist instructing dental students: And if it's your first time doing a certain procedure, don't tell the patient. Just do it without them knowing it's your first time. Don't ask them, 'cause they'll probably say no. It's just easier for everyone. (awkward pause) Am I the only one that does that?


Doctor: Okay, we're going to give you an iron shot.
Nurse: Roll over on your side. Okay, you're just going to feel a little prick in your butt.
Patient: Better than the finger that was up there earlier!

Newport Beach, California

Physiotherapist: I have a small wife, so a small penis is okay.


Surgeon: Hey, I need to change the big, sticky plastic dressing on your arm. Wanna go slow or do it in one fell swoop?
Patient, looking at dressing covering length of arm: Nahhh, that ain't gon' be no wonton soup…

Jamaica Hospital

Overheard by: MS3

Doctor: Are you allergic to anything?
Patient: Yes, nuts!
Doctor: What happens when you ingest nuts?
Patient: They come out whole in my poop!

Waterloo, Iowa

Attending physician to resident: You’d be surprised what you can learn from someone’s anus.

Tampa General Emergency Room
Tampa, Florida