Girl #1: I don’t know how I got pregnant.
Girl #2: Well, don’t you use birth control?
Girl #1: Yes! That’s why I don’t understand. Right after I had sex I squirted in a lot of that birth control foam cream stuff.
Girl #2: After? You’re supposed to put it in before. That’s why it prevents pregnancy.
Girl #1: Oh? I didn’t know that.
Girl #2: You know you oughta get a IUD. There’s nothing to remember or know, they just stick it in there and you can like keep it in there forever!
Girl #1: Who sticks it in?
Girl #2: Forget it. Just go to the doctor like right away like yesterday. Uh, I mean as soon as possible.

–1st & 1st

Overheard by: Deborah Olin

Radiology nurse: I have been asked out before. But never while giving a barium enema!

–Radiology Medical Office, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Paper

Doctor on cell: I have to get oriented as to the location of those cadavers!

–3rd Ave, Near Cabrini Medical Center

Older doctor to younger doctor in a group: You actually tried to get a dermatology consultant to come in the middle of the night? That was pretty dumb. You know those guys wouldn't get out of their Shea butter body wraps unless the world was ending.

–Kings County Emergency Room

Suit to lady friend: If you really wanted to smoke crack you'd go to the hospital!

–Nassau St & Ann St

Overweight girl to female friend: Wanna play gynecologist?

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Doctor: You know, people pay more for a Starbucks coffee than they do to visit me for a copay. That's what important in this world.
Colleague: Maybe you should put an espresso machine in your office.

–Starbucks, 96th St & Madison Ave

Physician #1: Hey, if you want, there’s gonna be a meeting on the night of the 16th.
Physician #2: I can’t. I’ll be in the Holy Land that week.
Physician #1: You’re gonna be in the Bronx?

–North Shore Hospital

Overheard by: Nik G

Doctor, in neighboring exam room: Now, after I give you these pills, you’re probably going to start peeing.
Old woman: I’m peeing now!

–Lennox Hill Hospital

Doctor #1: Who's taking care of [name of patient]?
Doctor #2: Not me, why?
Doctor #1: Nothing really, just that he's dead.

–Hospital, Manhattan

Overheard by: Lorenzo

White college girl: I would definitely want to be a doctor, if I didn't have to go to medical school.

–Fordham University

Nurse to another: Well, it seems that the themes of the day were UTIs and pregnancies.

–NYU Student Health Center

Overheard by: had neither

Black male pre-teen to mother: I know all about doctors, 'cause I watch shows about that. (pause) Actually, I watch Dr Phil.

–1 Train

Guy to two girls: I had to fire my doctor, I didn't like what he told me.

–39th & Lexington

Doctor, drawing on napkin and displaying results to student: This is you…in 40 years, in a fugue state. In Turkey. Dissociative fugue–learn neurology!

–168th & Fort Washington

Dentist: You don’t have any allergies, do you?
Patient: Penicillin.
Dentist: But no latex allergies or anything like that?
Patient: No! Oh my God, no! Wow. That would be totally horrible and depressing.
Dentist: Why, are you a med student or something?
Patient: …No.

–Columbia University Dental Practice, Amsterdam Ave

Doctor (on cell): Hello Doctor…Just tell her to take more anti-depressants for God’s sake. I don’t know, tell her to take three. I’m with my kids for Father’s Day, OK?

–33rd Street and 6th Avenue

Overheard by: Christopher

Chinese doctor: Where you from?
Nurse: Poland.
Chinese doctor: Good, you speak Czechlosvakian. I need to translate, this man is from Beirut.

–Elmhurst Hospital, Queens