Doctor guy: What brings you here today?
Woman: You’re not wearing ID. Are you a doctor?
Doctor guy: Oh, I’m sorry, I left it at the computer.
He goes to get it.
Man: What didja do that for?
Woman: How do you know he’s really a doctor? He could be a homosexual.
–Coney Island Hospital
Overheard by: Iris Kalashnikova
Lady suit: I can’t keep coming here to get my prescription filled. They’re beginning to recognize me.
Suit: So what?
Lady suit: So, what if I get in trouble?
Suit: Why would you get in trouble? You have a prescription from a doctor.
Lady suit: If you say so. Oh, shit, I forgot to put the date on this.
–Duane Reade, 89th & Columbus
Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/
Blonde on cell: So it was either an ambulance or a taqueria.
–Times Square
Girl on cell: What? What!? Go to the hospital. Go to the hospital! Please. Why? Because when you get stabbed you go to the hospital, you don’t go and lay down.
–Jersey Transit
Thug, in a rush: Look, I don’t give a fuck! I just want Medicaid!
–13th & 3rd
Disgruntled male gynecologist: We’re the bastard stepchildren of the surgery world. General surgeons barely think we’re human. "Oh, don’t get up, it’s just a gynecologist." I could have been a general surgeon, a plastic surgeon, a dentist, a lawyer… I’d be making more money, too. My brother’s cat needed a caesarian section and the vet got paid more than I get paid to do a caesarian section!
–Gynecology Office, 32nd & Madison
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Girl on cell: I told you I was sick and needed to go to the doctor’s! I can’t even swallow! I tried food, water and liquids!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Ross
Chick in scrubs (lighting cigarette) to friend in scrubs: My heart rate won’t go down!
–113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: McFreaky
Delivery guy, bringing soda that wasn’t delivered the first time: You ordered a mistake?
Man: Huh?
Delivery guy: Somebody ordered a mistake?
–117th & 2nd
Overheard by: cerebral pauly
Doctor #1: Who are you going on vacation with?
Doctor #2: My wife and my girlfriend.
–168th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Emm
ER Dr : What's your boyfriend's last name?
Bimbo: I don't know, but we're friends on Facebook, I could look it up.
–Beth Israel Emergency Room
Overheard by: Doc_Becca
Mom to friend, as baby makes screeching sounds and bounces around in stroller: I swear I didn't do drugs while I was pregnant with her. But I did have quite a few raspberry martinis before I knew I was knocked up.
–Belmont Park Race Track
20-something woman on phone: I need to slap that bitch. I don't care she pregnant, her face ain't pregnant.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Mike
Ghetto baby momma: And it was like I was giving birth on the toilet!
–Belmont Ave & 188th St
Overheard by: Toomuchinformation
Doctor to patient: You're not pregnant, you just have gas.
–W 204th St
Overheard by: JMS
Little girl on cell: Oh my god, I know! And I'm, like, "that's why you're fucking pregnant"!
–Central Park
Woman in therapy: So I don't know, I really liked her.
Therapist: Well, did you talk to her about it?
Woman: No, the bitch doesn't call me anymore, she does yoga now. We used to go to Star Trek conventions together, but she stopped talking to me. I don't even care about that bitch anymore.
Therapist: You know, she's not a bitch just because she doesn't want to talk to you!
Woman: Yes she is, I don't even care.
–Forest Hills
Overheard by: They need a sound machine
Train conductor: This is New York Penn Station. New York Penn. For those of you who are just waking up, this is Penn Station. If you are supposed to get off at New York Penn, wake up and get off now! (train leaves) Those of you who are just waking up: if you were supposed to get off at New York Penn Station, you just missed it! I told you to get up!
–Amtrak Train
College guy: Last night I woke up on an oriental rug and I had no idea where I was.
–Sheep Meadow, Central Park
Hispanic lady: Quiet down, some people are trying to sleep!
–6 Train
Man to friend: She can sleep in the closet.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wait what?
Loud pharmaceutical salesman to doctor: They say that New York is the city that never sleeps, right? You know why? You know why? Herpes!
–Doctor's Office, Astoria
Woman on cell: So I walked into a room and she's there, chained to a chair. And he had a gun, pointing it at me, saying he was gonna shoot me. Then I started crying. And he fucking shot her. (people on bus look worried) And then I woke up.
–M4 Bus
Overheard by: trev
Doctor #1: So when are you leaving for England?
Doctor #2: Oh, not till next week.
Doctor #1: Oh my god, then we can totally have a tea party!
–Children's Hospital
Overheard by: i want a tea party
