Doctors

Doctor #1, about Norah Jones: Did you know her father is Ravi Shankar?
Doctor #2: Her mother must be extremely good-looking.

–Doctors’ lounge, St. Vincent’s Hospital

Overheard by: Danny D

Headline by: s h

Runners-Up:

· “And we know why she didn’t come.” – Offbalance

· “Nip, Tuck, or Genetic Luck?” – Iconny

· “Or Maybe It’s Just that When You Multiply a Negative by a Negative, You End Up With a Positive” – Vasyl

· “Sex and the Sitar” – nicky c

· “The Good, the Bad, and the Ravi” – Riley


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Girl: Last time you told me something was overrated I got pregnant.

–Sephora, Broadway

Overheard by: linzz

Guy: … So then she changed her middle name to something like "Afterbirth…"

–Spring St

Overheard by: boston bobby

College guy on cell: He was like, ‘Shit, she’s got a bun in the oven!’ And I was like, ‘Oh, shit!’

–Columbia University

Overheard by: roo

Chick: She said he talked to her on the phone and that’s how he got her pregnant.

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Overheard by: Wondering how that works

Preggers: I’m gonna across this street against the light, pregnant and all, and I’m not gonna have a miscarriage.

–Eastern Pkwy & Classon Ave, Crown Heights, Brooklyn

Employee to another: I only gained two pounds during my pregnancy, and I’m on my seventh month!

–Burger King, 5th Ave, between 36th & 37th

Overheard by: EE Grimshaw

NYU girl on cell: … So then the doctor comes in and he goes, ‘Houston, we have a problem…" I know, right? What’s with doctors trying to be all funny when they’re telling you that you’re pregnant?

–NYU bus

Overheard by: tj

Senior surgeon: Did you do anything fun this weekend?
Junior surgeon: I took the family to Chinatown.
Senior surgeon: Oh, great! Did you eat while you were there?
Junior surgeon: Yeah, we went to McDonald’s.
Senior surgeon: You are no longer in charge of your weekends.

–68th & 1st

Doctor: Order an MRI, CT scan, and a full blood work-up.
Session assistant: Okay… What’s the primary diagnosis?
Doctor: I don’t know, cancer?

–Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center

Chick: …And then when the naked girl got in the balloon I was so scared I thought I would die!

–1 train

Overheard by: Michael Schiano

Dude: It’s like, as soon as you step into a room and take off your pants, all hell breaks loose!

–Allen & Stanton

Overheard by: Griffin

Dude: I swear, like, everyone on this block has seen me naked.

–Outside Rubin Hall, NYU

Overheard by: Josh

Little girl: Look! The nakeds! They’re naked!

–Greek sculpture wing, the Met

Chick on cell: I mean, if I’m going to send my friends footage of me doing topless jumping jacks, I want it to be remembered.

–Harlem

Suit on cell: You wanna know why we’re not friends anymore? Remember the last time you came to my house? I came out of the bathroom and there you were, stretched out on my sofa, naked, playing with your dick. What the fuck was that all about?

–City Hall Park

Overheard by: Big Larry

Doctor to patient: Sir, I am going to prescribe you two things — some burn cream for, well, you know, and some advice: try not to cook without your pants on.

–Beth Israel Hospital Emergency Room

Nurse #1: I know, I still can’t believe she signed that name on the birth certificate.
Doctor: What name?
Nurse #2: When Dr. Smith* delivered the afterbirth, this mom said, ‘Oh my god, what is that?’ and Dr. Smith said, ‘That’s the placenta.’
Nurse #1: Yeah, and then the freakin’ idiot says, ‘That’s the most beautiful name I ever heard! I’m gonna name my baby Placenta.’
Doctor: No, don’t tell me–
Nurse #2: Yep.
Doctor: I’m sorry I asked.

–Hospital cafeteria

Overheard by: 2nd time gramma

Female doctor: How’s your baby?
Male doctor: Oh, you know — small.

–Beth Israel Medical Center

Overheard by: Blackbuttoneyes

Doctor: What do you mean you vomited? When did you find the time to vomit? I don’t care if you’re in California, get on a plane back here! What do you mean, you vomited? How could you?!

–Lenox Hill Hospital

Overheard by: mademoisellezoo

Mother, to little boy: No, you cannot smell my armpit!

–Keyspan Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jesse

Doctor on cell: Look, having knees doesn’t make you special.

–Oustide New York Presbyterian Hospital

Ghetto chick: When she’s asleep, I’m gonna squat on her brain.

–16th between 7th & 8th

Overheard by: alyssa

Father of little girl who has just hit her head: Did your brain fall out?

–Chili’s, Staten Island

Overheard by: Ada and Andi

Chick: His teeth are really straight. But that’s because he was home-schooled.

–Baskin Robbins, 23rd & 8th

Guy: Every time a girl sees my teeth, she’s like, “Naaah.” I’m gonna get this whole shit redone, where they take them all out and replace the whole thing. It costs like $20,000…Only thing is you have to go two months without any teeth.

–29th St & 33rd Ave, Astoria

Middle-aged man, to college girl in skirt: Excuse me, miss, you have very nice legs. Have you ever thought about doing voice-overs?

–31st & 6th

Overheard by: plo

Teenage boy: Who wants to play guess which body part am I fidgeting?

–North Gannon & Bradley, Staten Island

Overheard by: Shamrocknroll

Doctor: Well, I can’t guarantee that after the circumcision it will look exactly like what you described.

–New York Presbyterian Hospital

Guy: I need to see a doctor. I’m not dying, but I have a leaking, stinking navel.

–Doctor’s office, 67th & Amsterdam