Doctor lady: OK, so what happened to you?
Bloody guy: I fell down some stairs, bitch.

–Bellevue Hospital, 1st Avenue

Overheard by: feitclub

Two guys and a girl enter the hospital and ask for the restroom. A few minutes later as they’re leaving the building the security guard talks to them.

Security guard: That’ll be $20.
Guy: What?
Security guard: Ain’t nothing for free at the hospital…unless you have an insurance card. Have a good night folks!

–Mount Sinai hospital, 5th Avenue

Overheard by: Vanilla

World-famous doctor: Do you know what I love? Dyslexic Black people. For instance, the other day a Black guy stopped me in his car as I was walking and asked me, “How do I get to the FRD?”.

–Tisch hospital, 33rd Street

Scottish chick on cell: He’s sort of like the John Tesh of tonsils, isn’t he?

–60th & 1st

Overheard by: zunshyn

Guy: I think I know enough about compound plastic to perform basic dentistry.

–1/9 train

Overheard by: Kathryn Galloway

Tech kid: I can, like, smell which microphone you’re using.

–NYU Education building, Washington Square east