Queer: I think I am going to go running.
Girl: Did you masturbate today? You seem very antsy.
–1st Avenute & 10th Street
Overheard by: Abby Nydam
Queer: I think I am going to go running.
Girl: Did you masturbate today? You seem very antsy.
–1st Avenute & 10th Street
Overheard by: Abby Nydam
Guy: Hey, can I get some cigarettes?
The newsstand man just rocks back and forth mumbling something.
Guy: Excuse me, can I get some cigarettes?!
Newsstand man: …Yes, sir. Cigarettes. Sorry, I was praying.
Guy: Oh. I thought you were masturbating.
–Times Square newsstand
Girl: Yeah, I’m so hot, I have to beat guys off with sticks.
Guy: You beat guys off with sticks?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Chris Ghirardi
Girl on cell: Hey, that’s not fair! If you get to be Mr. Incredible, why am I Jewgirl?
–Washington Square Park
Guy on cell: Does anyone in Romania have ice cream?
–Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: Greg Ashley
Woman: Why is it every time a guy beats his dick over the phone it sounds like a helicopter taking off?
–20th & 6th
Overheard by: phyllis pisacano
Girl: what do you call this style of architecture? Ugly road-houses?
–Mott Haven
Overheard by: yev
Guy: Isn’t England a state of the US, like Colorado?
–Alt.Coffee, Avenue A
Overheard by: dewo
Guy flipping through cell: Damn, why the fuck have I only got White people on here?
–27th & 7th pizzeria
Overheard by: dbrock
Fashion girl: How do you start a zoo? Do you buy the animals first or the place to put them?
–Conde Nast Building, Times Square
Overheard by: Jax
Crazy guy: Are your French Fries made with beef?
–McDonald’s, 85th & 3rd
Overheard by: Marc Cassata
Guy: Is it technically depression if you’re depressed because you can’t date a Gap model?
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: ProcrastYNate
Chick #1: You know what the best orgasm I ever had was? I jerked off with my mom’s jewelry in frount of the mirror. I liked watching it go in and out and thinking that she was going to be wearing it later.
Chicl #2: Oh god! Did you wash it after?
–Bally’s, Bensonhurst
Overheard by: Deborah Olin
B&T Guy #1: It’s easy. All you gotta do is give her 20 bucks.
B&T Guy #2: Then she jerks you off after she’s done?
B&T Guy #1: I wish!
–Banshee Pub, 74th & 1st
Overheard by: Michael
Yuppie #1: …yeah, those girls don’t want just 20 bucks.
Yuppie #2: Yep, no such thing as free sex in Vietman.
–Maritime Hotel, 9th Ave.
Overheard by: Chaser
Lady: You know, I heard him sing in the back room and he was like a young Clay Aiken.
–Macy’s
Guy: There’s nothing sadder than seeing an old gay woman.
–Church Street between Vesey and Barclay
Foreign art student: …so then, we are in the shower room, and you know, we start, how do you say…masturbate, and then he leaves, and I am like, “Oh my god, I really want to talk to him too!”.
–MoMA
College kid #1: So basically I didn’t jerk off for a week so I could bust a huge load in her mouth. Have you ever done that?
College kid #2: Yeah, but never purposefully.
–Houston & Ave of Americas
Girl on cell: Oh my god, I’m shopping with my mom, and she’s shopping for dildos!
–8th & University
Girl: I can assure you…that at my apartment…there will be soap!
–39th & 6th
