Masturbation

Woman browsing through dildos at a sex shop: Do you have any of these that plug in? I run through batteries too fast.

Toledo, Ohio

Overheard by: Cap

Girl to friend: I need some cute shirts that I can just throw on and like…jerk off in.

H&M
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: XT

Girl #1: So, do you know what she told me? Her mother walked in and she was you-know-what-ing… with the milkshake maker!
Girl #2: Huh?
Girl #1: She was — y’know — using it down there!
Girl #2: What?!
Girl #1: Gross, I know.
Girl #2: … Did she make a milkshake with it afterwards?

Newtown, NSW
Australia

Overheard by: buzzcut

Confused-sounding girl on cell: I could fit an orange in my vagina?

Leamington Spa
England

Overheard by: Bleep

Guy, after burning left hand: But this is my special hand…
Friend: Why can't you just use your right hand for a while?
Guy: It's like being jerked off by a stranger.
Friend: What?
Guy: Imagine a stranger comes up to you and starts talking to you, and suddenly just starts jerking you off. (pause) Yeah. That's how it feels like.

Bayonne, New Jersey

Guy: Sometimes I feel like I want to get a steady girlfriend again.
Friend: Whenever I feel like that I just jerk off all over myself and the feeling goes away.

Downtown Post Office
Worcester, Massachusetts

Artsy queer: You masturbated to the soundtrack of The Nightmare Before Christmas?!

Houghton, Michigan

Overheard by: Midget Goldfish

Girl: Are you seriously telling me how I should masturbate? When did you become a sex tyrant?

MIT
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Curious friend: Doesn't your mouth get tired?
Small Asian girl: That's what my hands are for!
Curious friend: Don't your arms get tired?!
Small Asian girl: That's what my mouth is for!
Curious friend: What do you do when both get tired?
Small Asian girl: Oh, that's when he puts it in my butt.

Hoboken, New Jersey

Call center girl to coworker who just hung up: Did he tell you he was going to come over here and rub one off?

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/325426424/at-least-he-gave-you-a-head-start.html

Overheard by: keep him away from my potato salad