Homeless man: If I can’t get me a girl, I’m gonna masturbate until my dick falls off!
Nearby butch-looking chick: Yeah!! Me, too!
–Bleecker & Broadway
Overheard by: smokincat
Homeless man: If I can’t get me a girl, I’m gonna masturbate until my dick falls off!
Nearby butch-looking chick: Yeah!! Me, too!
–Bleecker & Broadway
Overheard by: smokincat
Preppy guy #1: I hate geese shit on fields.
Preppy guy #2: It’s not so bad. It’s a good lubricant for when you slide-tackle people. You know, you just keep sliding…
Preppy guy #3: Dude, I can’t remember the last time I jerked off using geese shit. It can’t be that good a lubricant!
–Central Park
Young teen girl: I've done cybersex so often I forgot how to type with two hands.
–A Train
Suit on cell: I have nothing to blog about. I have nothing to video blog about. Man, yesterday I had to force myself to tweet!
–Uptown 4 Train
Overheard by: cowgirly
Girl selling peaches to another: Yeah, my dad was so unsympathetic when I told him my computer crashed that I went straight to the Apple store and charged a new hard drive to his credit card. I was really proud of myself.
–Fort Greene Farmers Market
Overheard by: Morning Glory
Teenage girl to friend: I don't see why we're even here. We could see all this stuff on the internet for free.
–Metropolitan Museum
Overheard by: Derek
MC guy: Okay everyone, I need a verb!
Girl: Crysturbate!
MC guy: Cry…what?
Girl: It’s like, when you’re sad and you masturbate!
–Kimmel Center, Washington Square South
Overheard by: Athena
Woman: …so, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to masturbate or cry!
–Comfort Diner, West 23rd Street
Hipster chick: Oh! Thanks for carrying my bag!
Hipster guy: No problem. I’ll just masturbate on your face later.
Hipster chick, laughing: Well, I didn’t want to say it in public…
–Deli, 9th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: didn’t want to know that
Teen boy #1: Dude, are you gay?
Teen boy #2: No. Why?
Teen boy #1: Because I saw you whacking off to your cousin! Did you shoot on him?
Teen boy #2: No, we were comparing sizes!
Teen boy #1: Well, that’s gay. You’re never suppose to show your stuff to another guy!
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Austin Crumpler
Guy: Dude, have you ever tried to jack off twice in 20 minutes?
–Columbia University
Middle-aged lady #1: I just caught him masturbating!
Middle-aged lady #2: In the show?
–Ladies Room, Gershwin Theater
Guy #1: Oh, yeah, I’ve been making money writing porn stories for years.
Guy #2: Really?
Guy #1: Yeah, I write with a female pen name.
Guy #2: That’s kind of weird.
Guy #1: Yeah, my pen name is —
Guy #2: OH! Don’t tell me, man!
Guy #1: Whuh?
Guy #2: I may have jerked off to it.
–Starbucks, 74th & 3rd
Overheard by: Naked Lunch
Queer #1: Ooh, let’s see this one!
Queer #2: I already saw that earlier this week.
Queer #1: What?! Dude, I hate that. This is just like you masturbating instead of having sex with me.
–AMC, 42nd St
