Guy #1: Look at that. His front arms are so small.
Guy #2: Why do you think he looks so angry? He couldn’t whack off.
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Corey F
Guy #1: Look at that. His front arms are so small.
Guy #2: Why do you think he looks so angry? He couldn’t whack off.
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Corey F
Girl in line: And that’s when I told him that if he’s going to keep masturbating in a glass box, at least I shouldn’t have to… (stops, realizing everyone is listening)
Guy in line to friend: That is so going in my blog.
–Kimmel Center, NYU
Guy #1: You know that video with the guys and the elephants with the butt sex?
Guy #2: Yeah, that must hurt. What about the one with the black guys?
Guy #1: Oh, the one with the BJs?
(later)
Guy #2: When I was younger I used to masturbate with my friend. We would put a pillow between us and jack off.
–B1 Bus
Teen: That guy is jerkin’ it right there in public!
Mother: Look away. He just has a disease.
Teen: What? So chronic masturbation is a disease now?
–42nd St subway
Overheard by: come again?
Headline by: gerard
Runners-Up:
· “Cause Dad Said Its a Cure for Fat Wife Syndrome” – angelica cayne
· “Come Again?” – Mary Beth
· “Ironically, NOT Healed by Laying on Of Hands” – JohnnyB
· “Momma Don’t Know Jack.” – jason daniel
· “No. I Was Referring To The Pus Pockets On The Head Of His Penis.” – Redneck Jedi
· “There’s Even a 12 Stroke Program” – Grantakerous
· “We’re Tivoing _That_ Telethon!” – Vera Vaughan Hough
Girlfriend: But why did he buy two Mexican wrestling masks?
Boyfriend: I mean, probably to wear during sex.
Girlfriend: Ew, really?
Boyfriend: Well, yeah. Or to wear while beating off.
Girlfriend: Ew. Like, while looking in the mirror?
Boyfriend: No.
–6th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: aclare
Guy #1: I love her so much…I won’t even jack off to her.
Guy #2: I guess I don’t love her as much as you do.
–Broadway & Thames
Guard dude #1: There’s a guy over there touching himself again.
Guard dude #2: What, the same one as before?
Guard dude #1: Yeah.
–New York Public Library Main Branch, 42th & 5th
Overheard by: Rob
Boyfriend: So you went home, drank two Smirnoff Ices, watched Harry Potter one and a half times, and masturbated twice?
Girlfriend: Yep.
–City Hall Park
Headline by: Lord Pervdevert
Runners-Up:
· “Nice.” – ImmaculatePizza
· “And That’s Why You Couldn’t Meet My Parents?” – Gerard
· “Best 13th Birthday Ever” – downtown
· “Just Another Night for JK Rowling” – Suzy
· “Rookie” – 6th Floor Blogger
· “Underage or Underloved?” – em
Guy #1: Hey, where did you find this eraser?
Guy #2: On that table over there.
Guy #1: Eww, it might have semen on it!
–Polytechnic University, Brooklyn
Queer #1: Diversity is the spice of life. If everyone was like us, it would be so masturbating and boring–
Queer #2: Like us? Are you kidding? It would be fantastic!
–112th & Broadway
