Wednesday One‐Liners Never Use the Safeword

Prim lady: Even whips and chains can’t keep boy problems from being typical.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

College student to friends: One time I just want to be caught in a sexually compromising situation with nothing but my bubble wand blower.

–27^th & 7^th

Overheard by: LFB

Queer on cell: When you handcuffed me, ohhh yes… No, I don’t think there’s a railing I could use right now. No… I’m not taking them out of my bag! Ugh, fiiine… Be there in five minutes… You’re baaad! [Runs off giggling.]

–Penn Station

Little girl, to mother: Get off the train! I want to get off! Move away! Move away! Bad girl!

–1 train

Overheard by: EthanK

Chick on cell: Your hook‐up buddies would be the type to stow you in a closet.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Nerdy chick: Cognitive dissonance is not my kink.

–Kinoko Sushi, W 72^nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on May 3, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Kink, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

The Beds Were Covered with Sheet

Woman: This reminds me of the time my son caught us having sex in his bed.
Man: Which one?
Woman: The second time for my older son.
Man: Yeah…That was the filthiest sex ever.

–LIRR train

Overheard by: Sue Ludmilla

Posted on March 7, 2023
Kink, On the Subway, Parents, Sex, Sex & Relationships

You’re Gonna Ruin My Kids’ Ritalin Buzz

Dude #1: Dude, you see how hot Sara looked last night?
Dude #2: Dude, I would fucking lick her ass.
Dude #3: Dude, there’s kids around.
Dude #2: What, what did I say?
Dude #3: That you’d fuckin’ lick Sara’s ass!
40‐something mom of three: Why don’t you know your fuckin’ surroundings, fuckface? There’s kids around.
Dude #2: Harsh, man.

–Park Ave & 19^th St

Overheard by: Gary

Posted on July 25, 2022
Ass, Friends, Kids, Kink, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, White People

Presenting Our New Motto

Elderly security guard #1: You got plans this weekend?
Elderly security guard #2: Nah, man.
Elderly security guard #1: Oh, I know what you got planned!
Elderly security guard #2: Nothin’, man. I’m gonna be sleepin’.
Elderly security guard #1: Sleepin’ like a pervert!

–7^th Ave b/w 37^th & 38^th

Overheard by: Julia H.

Posted on May 8, 2022
Compare/Contrast, Kink, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, Questions, Security Guards

What’s a Nice Wednesday Like You Doing in a One‐Liner Like This?

Creepster to woman with child entering train: You can sit here. There’s no reason to be standing when you have a child with you. (woman sits) Not to sound creepy, but the view was much better when you were standing.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Creeped out.

Black hobo to young white girl: If you and I got together, we could make the next Obama.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Katie

Greasy white suit to hot black chick: My name is Mark, but you can call me “The Vagina Whisperer.”

–Moe’s Bar. Brooklyn

Guy hitting on four younger girls: I’ll take you home and we can do something weird… I’ll pour honey all over you. Then I’ll put you in the closet and let loose 200 bees in there with you! Or, we could do sexy‐weird! I’ll pour butter all over you, and I’ll make toast, and I’ll wipe the butter off your back with it!

–1 Train

Older fat man yelling at attractive young woman: Hey bay! You’re beautiful! Look at me! You don’t want to say hi? (spreads his arms) Hey, come on, look at me. I’m Tony Baloney.

–Broadway & Hewes, Brooklyn

Posted on April 20, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Creepsters, Fat People, Food, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Insects, Kids, Kink, Moms, Names, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Pregnancy & Birth Control, President, Public Transportation, Race, Street, Suits, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

At the Male Fantasy Semifinals

Eastern European girl: Jimmy* is a dirty boy.
Asian girl: Really? Why is Jimmy a dirty boy?
Eastern European girl: He said dirty things to me online.
Asian girl: He said dirty things to you online? Like what?
Eastern European girl: I don’t want to talk about it right now.
Asian girl: Does he make you uncomfortable?
Eastern European girl: Yeah, sometimes he does — like, when he tells me to send him pictures of myself with my shirt off.
Asian girl: Does it make you scared?
Eastern European girl: No, I just don’t have any pictures of myself with my shirt off.
Asian girl: Then why don’t you take some?
Eastern European girl: I don’t know.
Asian girl: You know what? I’ll help you. I’ll go to your house right now and take some pictures of you with your shirt off, and then you can send them to Jimmy, okay?
Eastern European girl: Okay.

–Downtown 6 train

Posted on November 3, 2021
Asians, Bimbettes, Computer, Foreigners, Girls, Internet, Kink, Nudity, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Rack, Talking/Convos

And Why Can’t Fully‐Clothed Cousins Take Hot, Wet Photographs of Wallets?

Girl: I’ll bring my wallet to showers, which is exactly what I did last time!
Guy: Hot, hot. What else do you bring to showers?
Girl: Clothes? My camera!
Guy: Oooh! Wait, are these discussions normal for us? You’re my cousin.

–Chinatown

Overheard by: Chiyo

Posted on July 27, 2021
Chinatown, Family Ties, Friends, Kink

I Forgot You Have to Chop the Person Up First

Chick: Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?
Dude: Yeah, you tried to pack me in a suitcase once.
Chick: Oh, yeah! And you wouldn’t get in!
Dude: Yeah.
Chick: Yeah…

Chick erupts with nervous laughter.

–Uptown 6 train

Overheard by: kelsey

Posted on June 27, 2021
Crime and Punishment, Girls, Guys, Kink, On the Subway

Wednesday One‐Liners You Can Dance to

Dude: He’s the black, blind Motown equivalent of Kenny G.

–113^th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Girl, while leaving screening of “I am legend”: Okay… I cannot believe the woman did not know Bob Marley! I mean, that had to be the most unrealistic thing in that entire film.

–Fresh Meadows, Queens

Overheard by: hmmm…

Curly‐haired chick: Has New Order become an okay kinky sex background band? Am I *old*?

–113^th & Broadway

Overheard by: Poogins

Guy, standing next to guy listening to Journey on his iPod: Get away from me! Just get the fuck away from me!

–2 Train

Dumb girl dressed like Scary Spice en route to the concert: Yeah, a lot of people think that the Spice Girls like, reinstated feminism.

–NJ Transit

Yale grad: Eminem has a wonderful sense of meter.

–Court St., Brooklyn

Overheard by: Justin Casement

Queer: We only stayed for 15 minutes, I’m not that into karaoke. And when a coven of lesbians start casting their spells to “My Sharona”, I was outta there.”

–Chambers & Greenwich

Overheard by: Grand Witch Muffy

Posted on June 23, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Disabilities, Ew, Jersey, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Insults, Kink, Movies, Music, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Philosophy, Queens, Queer guys, Questions, Singing, Street, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Wednesday One‐Liners: So Lifelike!

Girl: If I made a sex doll that smelled like elk, he would totally do it!

–Queens

Middle‐aged Latino: I’ve got barbie dolls!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Newspaper vendor: Cause I have that multiple sneezing thing! I hate that crap! I’m like a bobble‐head doll!

–96^th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Galatea

Girl leaving nail salon: It looks like Malibu Barbie just threw up all over my feet.

–11^th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Bill

Despondent little girl in coffee shop: Um, I don’t play with the doll house that much because you said we’re not supposed to play in the meditation room.

–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Posted on June 3, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Gripes, Kids, Kink, Latinos, Queens, Sensory Experiences, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Upper East Side, Vendors & Street Performers, Vomit, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yoga

Kink