Woman #1: …and I was crouching down with my 6 or 7 inches of my bare ass showing, it was so embarrassing, and he stayed there!
Woman #2: Maybe he was a pee fetishist!
Woman #1: But he was young!
Woman #2: Maybe you turned him into a pee fetishist!
–Noho office bathroom
Businessman: …and once word gets out that you like to fuck girls with no legs, everybody thinks you’re a freak!
Crony: Yeah, I bet.
Businessman: I’ll send you the pictures.
–Maiden Lane & Water St.
Overheard by: Dave Kelleher
Woman on cell: Oh baby, I was having a sex dream about you and in it you bit my neck so hard I woke up all sweaty….wait, hold on, my boyfriend is on the other line.
–7 train
Overheard by: Sassy_Girl
Man: I never met a necrophiliac, but my friend met one at Bellevue.
–La Grolla, UWS
Prim lady: Even whips and chains can’t keep boy problems from being typical.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
College student to friends: One time I just want to be caught in a sexually compromising situation with nothing but my bubble wand blower.
–27th & 7th
Overheard by: LFB
Queer on cell: When you handcuffed me, ohhh yes… No, I don’t think there’s a railing I could use right now. No… I’m not taking them out of my bag! Ugh, fiiine… Be there in five minutes… You’re baaad! [Runs off giggling.]
–Penn Station
Little girl, to mother: Get off the train! I want to get off! Move away! Move away! Bad girl!
–1 train
Overheard by: EthanK
Chick on cell: Your hook-up buddies would be the type to stow you in a closet.
–Harlem
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Nerdy chick: Cognitive dissonance is not my kink.
–Kinoko Sushi, W 72nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Woman: This reminds me of the time my son caught us having sex in his bed.
Man: Which one?
Woman: The second time for my older son.
Man: Yeah…That was the filthiest sex ever.
–LIRR train
Overheard by: Sue Ludmilla
Dude #1: Dude, you see how hot Sara looked last night?
Dude #2: Dude, I would fucking lick her ass.
Dude #3: Dude, there’s kids around.
Dude #2: What, what did I say?
Dude #3: That you’d fuckin’ lick Sara’s ass!
40-something mom of three: Why don’t you know your fuckin’ surroundings, fuckface? There’s kids around.
Dude #2: Harsh, man.
–Park Ave & 19th St
Overheard by: Gary
Elderly security guard #1: You got plans this weekend?
Elderly security guard #2: Nah, man.
Elderly security guard #1: Oh, I know what you got planned!
Elderly security guard #2: Nothin', man. I'm gonna be sleepin'.
Elderly security guard #1: Sleepin' like a pervert!
–7th Ave b/w 37th & 38th
Overheard by: Julia H.
Creepster to woman with child entering train: You can sit here. There's no reason to be standing when you have a child with you. (woman sits) Not to sound creepy, but the view was much better when you were standing.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Creeped out.
Black hobo to young white girl: If you and I got together, we could make the next Obama.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Katie
Greasy white suit to hot black chick: My name is Mark, but you can call me "The Vagina Whisperer."
–Moe's Bar. Brooklyn
Guy hitting on four younger girls: I'll take you home and we can do something weird… I'll pour honey all over you. Then I'll put you in the closet and let loose 200 bees in there with you! Or, we could do sexy-weird! I'll pour butter all over you, and I'll make toast, and I'll wipe the butter off your back with it!
–1 Train
Older fat man yelling at attractive young woman: Hey bay! You're beautiful! Look at me! You don't want to say hi? (spreads his arms) Hey, come on, look at me. I'm Tony Baloney.
–Broadway & Hewes, Brooklyn
Eastern European girl: Jimmy* is a dirty boy.
Asian girl: Really? Why is Jimmy a dirty boy?
Eastern European girl: He said dirty things to me online.
Asian girl: He said dirty things to you online? Like what?
Eastern European girl: I don’t want to talk about it right now.
Asian girl: Does he make you uncomfortable?
Eastern European girl: Yeah, sometimes he does — like, when he tells me to send him pictures of myself with my shirt off.
Asian girl: Does it make you scared?
Eastern European girl: No, I just don’t have any pictures of myself with my shirt off.
Asian girl: Then why don’t you take some?
Eastern European girl: I don’t know.
Asian girl: You know what? I’ll help you. I’ll go to your house right now and take some pictures of you with your shirt off, and then you can send them to Jimmy, okay?
Eastern European girl: Okay.
–Downtown 6 train
