Guy: Give me a break, she’s into scat! She’ll eat shit, but she won’t lick some ketchup off my hand?
–Folsom Street East
Hipster chick: I didn’t get spat on. I wanted to real bad. But it didn’t happen.
–3rd & St. Marks
Overheard by: robothater
Guy: Give me a break, she’s into scat! She’ll eat shit, but she won’t lick some ketchup off my hand?
–Folsom Street East
Hipster chick: I didn’t get spat on. I wanted to real bad. But it didn’t happen.
–3rd & St. Marks
Overheard by: robothater
Girl: So you totally raped me with the pot pipe.
Guy: Well, it was only in the mouth.
–Hank’s Saloon, DUMBO
Guy #1: Dude, that chick is hot.
Guy #2: Man, I think I got a roll of duct tape somewhere with her name on it.
–23rd & West Side Highway
Dude: Well, the other day she said, “I want you to fuck me in the park.” So we went to the park, went behind some bushes where there was a clearing and bam, bam, bam. Then I came on her face.
–116th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: fannybaum
Man to woman: Well, I've already been in two successful marriages…
–Hudson River Park
Talkative husband to blase wife: We've been married for over a year, who would not like us?
–F Train
Overheard by: Elise
Girl: So, when you say "married," is that like "married-and-just-not-divorced-yet," or like "married-married-and-actually-living-together"?
–6 Train
Woman on cell: Well, it's a good thing you didn't marry Susan's brother, because he ended up losing a testicle.
–DUMBO, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Megan
Woman on cell: Sorry, but if I wanted to be heavily sedated and drunk all day, I'd marry you.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Josh
Guy with eye patch: If a girl eats out your ass on the first date, you marry her!
–77th & 34th
Girl: Did you hear that one?
Friend: Nope.
Girl: Do I have to blow my ass out on your face for you to hear my farts?
–New York Botanical Garden, the Bronx
American grad student: Should I be in a fetish video?
French grad student: What would be the point?
American grad student: What do you mean? It’s a fetish video.
French grad student: But what would be the point? What’s the thesis?
–Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: The Evil Triangle
Guy #1: Her sister was dating Martin Short.
Guy #2: But she likes that homeless type.
Guy #1: Yeah, you’re not creepy enough for her.
–Akira Sushi, St. Mark’s Place
Girl: Man, this old dyke is digging on me, but I want some penis
these days.
–3rd between B & C
Guy: Man, old pussy is the best! She has 50 years of dick sucking experience.
–124th & Manhattan
Overheard by: Jason Steinhauer
Queer on cell: Ever since I lost my hair I’ve had 20 year olds chasing me around like I’m an ice cream cone.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Squatporpoise
Girl: Oh yeah, that guy you saw me with Sunday? He lets me watch him have sex with boys.
–NYU School of social work
Overheard by: Maggie
Announcement: Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. We should be moving momentarily…Please be patient.
Guy #1: They always fucking say that! We should be compensated for our time.
Guy #2: Yeah. They should have a coin dispenser that gives back quarters.
Guy #1: Fuck that. That robot voice should give us robot sex.
–6 train
Overheard by: Toneloca
Lady suit: Do you think anyone would notice if I just popped a squat and urinated everywhere?
–Port Authority
12-year-old girl: And then… He, like… peed in my mouth. It was kinda gross.
–Eddie’s Sweet Shop
Overheard by: Yorick
Man peeing on the street: Watch the stream, watch the stream!
–W 4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Maya G.
Black guy to coworker: What about that golden shower I had the other night?
–NYU Weinstein Dining Hall
Middle-aged convention female attendee: I didn’t know that urinals flushed. Did you know urinals flushed? Who would have thought?
–Javits Convention Center
Overheard by: Hector
Drunk man to embarrassed friend: Did I tell you about the time I peed on a bum? For real, I did! I was just taking a leak and looked down like: "Oh shit, is that a person?" He looked up on me and said: "Hey, you just peed on me!" And I did! I peed on him! Then I put myself in his shoes like: "What if someone peed on me?" I’d be pissed! That’s some fucked up shit, man. So I gave him ten bucks.
–A Train
