Suit on cell: Hello Dick, this is Woody.
–Four Seasons, E. 57th Street
Suit on cell: Hello Dick, this is Woody.
–Four Seasons, E. 57th Street
Young hotel guy: Yeah, he checked in with no luggage so he could kill himself.
Old hotel guy: No shit, happens all the time here.
–outside Hilton New York, 54th Street
Girl: So what does that mean? I don’t know how to read him. And when he does all these sexual things for me and asks nothing in return, does that mean he loves me or that I will owe him in the future?
Guy: Cut it out already, bunny boiler!
–Hudson Hotel, West 58th Street
B&T Guy #1: It’s easy. All you gotta do is give her 20 bucks.
B&T Guy #2: Then she jerks you off after she’s done?
B&T Guy #1: I wish!
–Banshee Pub, 74th & 1st
Overheard by: Michael
Yuppie #1: …yeah, those girls don’t want just 20 bucks.
Yuppie #2: Yep, no such thing as free sex in Vietman.
–Maritime Hotel, 9th Ave.
Overheard by: Chaser
40-something hyperactive preppy/golfer tourist: Hey! How's it going?! Where are you from?
40-something regular guy: Seattle. You?
40-something hyperactive preppy/golfer tourist: Newport Beach, California! What are you off to do?
40-something regular guy: Dinner and some drinks with friends. You?
40-something hyperactive preppy/golfer tourist: Me and a buddy are going to take mushrooms and go see Young Frankenstein for the third time! It's hilarious when you're high!
–Elevator, Sheraton Hotel
Woman: I told him I wasn't opposed to dinner just because he's had a vasectomy.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Meister
Preppy guy: They took cartilage out of his ear and put it in my nose.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Ladle
UES woman: I'm going to get my nails done, then get a colonoscopy in Queens.
–89th and Park
Overheard by: AeC and jRw
Woman on phone: Well, of course I got it removed
*(pause)
Woman: It hurt like hell.
–Elevator in the Hudson Hotel
Guy on phone, Nnoz done: Hts okay – it's just routine anal surgery!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Tam
92-year-old mother-in-law: It’s a two girl wedding?
Daughter-in-law, passing by second reception hall: Yes, two women are having a wedding reception, they got married.
Mother in law, as she studies the two women: Well, that one [Points.] isn’t so bad. she could have gotten a man.
Daughter-in-law: She didn’t want a man. she’s attracted to women.
Mother in law: I never had a chance to try that.
[Then proceeds back and forth to the bathroom several times during reception, to check.]
–Wedding Reception, Essex House
Overheard by: bridesmaid
Suit #1: We need to come here more often and find some whores.
Suit #2: Yeah, whores are everywhere around here.
Suit #1: You always have to pay for whores with cash, it's when you use a credit card that they catch you.
–Marriot on Broadway
Guy: I'm tellin' you, man. America loves cheese. No, seriously, dude. America loves cheese!
–Ace's, 5th St & Ave B
Cute 20-something guy singing while playing soccer: Bottles of cheese, bottles of cheeeeeeeeese…
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: i'd like a bottle of cheese
Girl: I'd rather have a turkey sandwich with cum on it than cheese.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Lindsay
Distressed female student: She's such a hard grader! She's like…a cheese grater.
–Queens College
Five-year old boy: But mummy, I want goat cheese on my french fries!
–St. Regis Hotel
Overheard by: Nonok
Tour bus driver to pedestrian: Take the great New York tour!
Man: Why the fuck would I pay to see the rats and piss I can see for free? Fuck you!
–Outside Plaza Hotel, Central Park South
