Son, coming out of The Plaza hotel: How come we didn't stay here?
Father: Because that would have been our whole vacation.
–The Plaza Hotel, 5th Ave
Overheard by: Rachel
Son, coming out of The Plaza hotel: How come we didn't stay here?
Father: Because that would have been our whole vacation.
–The Plaza Hotel, 5th Ave
Overheard by: Rachel
Guy on cell: I'm walking to my room from breakfast. Then I'm going to take a dump. Then I'm going downstairs.
–Hallway, Marriott Courtyard Hotel
Barista walking in, to no one in particular: Unfortunately, I'm here.
–Starbucks, Brighton Beach
Overheard by: Robert
Lost tourist: We are stuck here in the middle of Times Square!
–Rockefeller Center
NYU girl on phone: Hello? No. No, I can't meet you. Because I'm lost. I'm lost in the West Village. You know how the streets there get weird? I have no idea where I am. I've been wandering around for hours and I don't know if I'll ever make it back, ever! No, don't try to find me, I haven't seen any street signs in ages. Okay, see you tomorrow…maybe not.
–Union Square
Loud black drag queen yelling into cell: Bitch, don't play with me! I know where you at!
(pause) Where you at?
–34th St & 8th Ave
Male hotel guest: That looks like it hurts. Do you need any ice?
Female hotel guest: No, thanks.
Male hotel guest: I better not come home and find him fucking that Russian girl in my room. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. (whisper) I'm gonna kill him…
–Elevator, Hudson
Pissing guy on phone: What do you mean you're not going to have sex with me? (entire bathroom laughs hysterically) See! Even these motherfuckers agree with me!
–Bathroom, Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Bobby
Dad to young son in bathroom stall: Aim in the bowl. Aim in the bowl. Aim in the bowl. Did you aim in the bowl? Did you aim in the bowl? (son comes out of stall) You did! But you didn't flush. One out of two ain't bad.
–Bathroom, Union Square Movie Theater
(constipation grunts and electronic sounds are heard inside next stall)
Guy in next stall, on walkie-talkie: Hey, Tony, turn the walkie-talkie off when you take a shit!
–Men's Room, Hilton Hotel
Drunk white girl: Oh my god, this bathroom is so dark. How am I supposed to see my vagina?
–East Village
Tall black British guy using the urinal, to himself: Repeat aftah me…you are a rock star! Ah! Yeah!
–5th Avenue
(hurried suit squeezes into packed compartment of automated revolving door)
Automated female voice: Please step forward.
Suit, squishing forward: Eat me!
Automated female voice: Thank you.
Suit: God, I hate that cheery bitch.
–Marriott Marquis Hotel, Times Square
Overheard by: austin
Security guard to another: I know it's habitual to act retarded.
–Time Warner Security Check
Overheard by: spandangle
Security guard: The door's that way, people. I know that when you see a door you want to go through it–it's human nature.
–Crown Plaza Hotel, Times Square
Overheard by: GJL
Female security guard: What does my sexual genitalia have to do with it?
–Brooklyn Library
Little boy: Mommy, mommy, look! They've got security guards! Must be a rich people place.
–86th & Brooklyn
Security guard, after metal detector beeps: Ma'am, would you please remove your wooden bracelet and walk back through the metal detector again?
–Liberty Island
Overheard by: heather linford
Crazy security guard: I have so much gas. I'm going to take all my gas and send it to Iraq and end the war. (gets distracted by a girl walking past with an ice cream cone) Hey, you're stomach's gonna freeze!
–NYU Dorm
Overheard by: Honest Truth
Middle-aged woman (begging): Excuse me, but you wouldn't happen to be carrying any hairspray in your purse, would you?
Slightly younger woman (patronizing): Um, nobody does that any more.
–Lobby Bathroom, Grand Hyatt Hotel
20-something tall black bellhop: I challenge you, right now, to a salsa dance-off.
70-year-old short Latino bellhop: Go get a radio.
–Peninsula Hotel
Overheard by: Carol
Tourist to desk clerk: We are looking for some good authentic Mexican food, do you recommend the little place next door?
Desk clerk: No, if you want real Mexican food, there’s a Chipotle around the corner.
–Comfort Inn, Times Square
