Flyer guy: Hey, wanna see a comedy show? (two snotty girls ignore him) Hey, you like to laugh?
Snotty girls: No!
Flyer guy: Ah, you're miserable. Heading back to Staten Island?
–Times Square
Flyer guy: Hey, wanna see a comedy show? (two snotty girls ignore him) Hey, you like to laugh?
Snotty girls: No!
Flyer guy: Ah, you're miserable. Heading back to Staten Island?
–Times Square
Older Hispanic gay man to guy in Subway sandwich costume: Uh sandwich, be careful someone doesn't eat you, darling.
Passers-by: (laugh)
Older Hispanic gay man: Whaaat? That's what you do to a saaandwich.
–9th & 2nd
Overheard by: eat me
Crazy woman to mother of laughing baby: He likes me! At least you know he ain't gonna be gay!
–14th St & Ave B
Hipster guy: Have you ever been arrested?
Hipster girl: Yeah, when I was sixteen my friend and I got arrested for shoplifting. It really wasn’t that bad. The cops were super cool and we were all joking around and shit and our mugshots were actually pretty cute.
–HopScotch Cafe
Young Jewish guy #1: You know how you're allowed to make jokes about 9/11 if you're from New York?
Young Jewish guy #2: Yeah, totally. You're definitely allowed to do that.
Young Jewish guy #1: Exactly. It's just like a Jew being able to make a joke about the Holocaust.
Young Jewish guy #2: Of course. It's like a rite of passage or something.
–Pier 3, Brooklyn
Girl #1: But… Isn't he from Japan?
Girl #2: Duh, Japanese people speak Chinese!
Girl #1: Oh my god! (laughs) You are so funny! People from Japan speak Spanish. Everybody knows that!
–A Train
Overheard by: Hiding In The Corner (Highly Disturbed.)
20-something girl #1, running into friend: Oh hey!! How are you?
20-something girl #2: Doing so well! It's nice to see you…
(they catch up, and five minutes later)
20-something girl #1, changing the subject without warning: Yeah, I know a lot of Johns.
20-something girl #2, shocked: Oh. Hah… damn, girl! It has been a while. What've you been up to that you know a bunch of Johns?
20-something girl #1, after confused pause: Oh… Oh! I mean I know a lot of people named John. I don't… Well… Yeah. I don't do that.
20-something girl #2, laughing: Oh, good! Girl, I was gonna say, “Well, she used to be kind of a slut, but straight-up prostitution is a little out of character.”
20-something girl #1, laughing: I know, right?
–6 Train
Overheard by: …Did you miss that she just called you a slut?
One Hispanic lady to another: How you gonna give a kid with stinky feet Botox?
–R Train
Overheard by: Ferna
Smelly granola girl on cell: I dunno, maybe Wilco is too big to have an opening act. The show was, like, two days ago. (stops, sniffs armpit and winces) Fuck, I need a serious shower. I haven't been home since the show. Doesn't that suck? When you forget to clean up after a few days? (laughs to herself)
–McCarren Park
Overheard by: AleKatz
Woman on cell: It smells like college!
–BrewFest, South Street Seaport
Office student: It literally smells like my ass.
–CCNY Computer Lab
Girl: Nigga, you smell like the crack in my titties.
–Q Train
Dude on cell: Man, she came six times last night. It was crazy! (pause) We were soaking wet, but I didn't mind. It was nice to see her enjoying it. (pause) No, it didn't smell. It didn't smell like anything.
–Union Square
Overheard by: who are these people?
Extremely buff gay man: Oh my god, guys! We're out fishing for anal!
Gay buddies, laughing: You're sooooo right!
–23rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Mimi
Puerto Rican Mets fan in day parade, singing: "Aye girl, lemme smell yo feet, aye girl lemme smell yo feet, oooh oooh oooh, lemme smell yo feet."
–Union Square
Egg-shaped man with cane, singing to the tune of "What a Wonderful World": I see little boys, and little girls, they have good parents, but they get screwed up anyway… And I think to myself, I love the babies…
–L Train
Large woman, to the tune of "We Are All One Body": "We ain't with no retards! We man's chil'ren of the world!" (female friend sits across from her) I wish I could fuck every girl in the world!
–Metro-North Rail
Thug, dressed top to toe in Ed Hardy gear, singing in Eva Gabor accent: "Dahling I love you but give me Park Avenue!"
–51st St & Park Ave
Boy in hallway, singing: "Don't want to close my eyes, don't wanna fall… (laughter from inside closed apartment) Heh-heh… Shutthefuckup!
–NYU Dorm
