Lady: If the doormen went on strike, what would they do?
Guy: They would stand outside their buildings and picket.
Lady: How is that different from their job other then the fact that
they would be holding a sign?
–3rd & A
Lady: If the doormen went on strike, what would they do?
Guy: They would stand outside their buildings and picket.
Lady: How is that different from their job other then the fact that
they would be holding a sign?
–3rd & A
Crazy woman to mother of laughing baby: He likes me! At least you know he ain't gonna be gay!
–14th St & Ave B
Girl: You left me for two hours!
Hot gay guy: You left me for one hour!
Girl: I had an errand to run! You did not!
Hot gay guy: My organism is an errand!
Girl: Do normal people do this? When I'm bored, I read or do something constructive.
Hot gay guy: When I'm bored, I have an orgasm.
–9th & Ave C
Overly flamboyant gay guy on phone: There is no way he can put himself through law school doing hardcore gay porn!
–Soho
Overheard by: Anastassia
Gay boy to another: Pornstars make good money.
–L Train
Girl: He wants to make money, but all his plans involve me being in porn. You know how long it takes to make a $1000 in porn? Three months!
–Destination Bar, 13th & Ave A
Overheard by: erkala
Heavyset dude to chick watching the Olympics: So I was watching curling porn the other day…
–Lucky Jack's bar, Orchard St.
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy to friend: I saw that girl in a porn video last night. She has a cock.
–William & Cedar
Overheard by: Laura
Young woman #1: I just had a kid.
Young woman #2: You did?
Young woman #1: Yeah, that's why I'm all blowed up.
–14th St & Ave B
Guy #1: I don't remember how to sleep anymore, and I don't even do drugs. No cocaine, nothing.
Guy #2: (blank stare)
Guy #1: Well enough about me, how do you like my shoes?
–7th St & Ave B
Overheard by: Peter
Woman #1: So, I went to the dermatologist the other day, and she said it doesn't have to be removed.
Woman #2: Oh…good!
Woman #1: I know! I was like, “good!” I'm very attached to it, and it's very attached to me!
Woman #3: Wait…what are we talking about?
Woman #1 (in loud whisper): I have a…huge mole. On my ass.
–Deli, 7th & Ave A
Girl #1, holding bottle of water: Do you think this water is bad?
Girl #2: How long have you had it for?
Girl #1: I don't know, I found it in my freezer.
Girl #2: No, it's probably good, freezing things keep them fresh.
–9th St & Ave A
Headline by: Nick Pollotta
Runners-Up:
· “…. According to the Jeffrey Dahmer Cookbook” – the amoeba
· “As I Learned at Grave-Digging Camp” – Muse on the Loose
· “But Just to Be Safe, I Would Boil It” – Max Million
· “Every Night I Put My Pussy on Ice” – DickintheHandisWorthTwoBushes
· “Just Ask Walt Disney’s Head” – PeterG
· “Just Look What It Does for Nipples!” – Nick Pollotta
· “Water, Sperm, Human Hearts…” – loves fresh sperm, personally
11 year-old boy throwing water balloon back and forth: It's like a hymen, perfectly intact after a minor rape! (balloon is thrown to him and bursts all over him) Oh, sweet hymen juices!
–Tompkins Square Park
Eight-year-old boy to another: God, just drink your spit!
–90th St & 2nd Ave
Drunk hobo with hand-down pants: I'm not going to ejaculate! (repeats it over and over)
–D Train
Overheard by: seat changer
Blind woman to blind friend: Sweaty people suck.
–W 23rd Street
Overheard by: Cool and Dry
Little girl: I don't like boys! They're mean and they sweat a lot!
–2nd & Ave A
Young girl to boy: Ewwww, I'm dripping cum!
–Hester & Allen
Overheard by: lower east side
Drunk gay man: I've slept with more men than my mom has!
–Ave A
Overheard by: Let his own mom win that contest
Woman to man: I don't want to be known as the whore of New Yorkers.
–9th Ave & 44th St
Woman on cell: It's just sex. There's no way you guys can ever be permanently tied, or anything.
–Macy's
Preppy, middle-aged woman, about man on iPhone: Who is that whore?
–Bookstore, Brooklyn
Overheard by: -she probably said
