Man: Why’d you read all my email?
Woman: I only did it once.
Man: Yeah, right. You mentioned whether I wrote to Barry about that girl from Canada out of the blue, where’d that come from?
Woman: Why would I lie?
Man: It’s against the law. You violated me. I’d never do that to you.
Woman: You’d do it.
Man: No.
Woman: You don’t get it.
Man: I do.
Woman: Here, read my email.
Man: No.
Woman: Read mine!
Man: Laina, no!
Woman: “I liked the way you touched me after yoga class – ”
Man: Laina, it was a joke!
Woman: It’s not funny.
Man: It was a joke.
Woman: You fucked her! And what about Match.com girl? You gave her your home email.
Man: Please. When was this?
Woman: January. What is that? You want to screw other people? Why is that?
Man: Laina…it was a joke.
Woman: Oh, and what about this? “I love the way your long hair shakes down onto my chest. I will have to repay you soon.”
Man: I didn’t pay her a dime.
Woman: Two weeks later you went with me and my family to the Vineyard.
Man: You have every right to be upset. It was once, honey!
Woman: You told me you loved me!
Man: It was a joke.
Woman: You don’t joke like this with someone you used to fuck and still likes you.
Man: I didn’t fuck her.
Woman: She still likes you.
Man: Laina.
Woman: You’re sick, Nathan! You hear me?! You’re just sick!

–Cafe Pick Me Up, Avenue A

Overheard by: Gideon Wallace