Dramatic chick: You’re crazy!
Calm guy: No. That’s the problem. You’re not crazy.
–4 Train
Dramatic chick: You’re crazy!
Calm guy: No. That’s the problem. You’re not crazy.
–4 Train
One Hispanic lady to another: How you gonna give a kid with stinky feet Botox?
–R Train
Overheard by: Ferna
Smelly granola girl on cell: I dunno, maybe Wilco is too big to have an opening act. The show was, like, two days ago. (stops, sniffs armpit and winces) Fuck, I need a serious shower. I haven’t been home since the show. Doesn’t that suck? When you forget to clean up after a few days? (laughs to herself)
–McCarren Park
Overheard by: AleKatz
Woman on cell: It smells like college!
–BrewFest, South Street Seaport
Office student: It literally smells like my ass.
–CCNY Computer Lab
Girl: Nigga, you smell like the crack in my titties.
–Q Train
Dude on cell: Man, she came six times last night. It was crazy! (pause) We were soaking wet, but I didn’t mind. It was nice to see her enjoying it. (pause) No, it didn’t smell. It didn’t smell like anything.
–Union Square
Overheard by: who are these people?
Suit #1: Then Paul* just totally lost it, and threw his cellphone at Dave*.
Suit #2: My god! What was he thinking?
Suit #1: I don’t think Dave minded that much. He’s Canadian.
–5th & W 57th
Overheard by: Charlotte
Girlfriend: So, do you think Fiona is really crazy?
Boyfriend: No, I just think she is hungry.
–Fiona Apple concert, Central Park
Overheard by: Nicole B.
Tourist #1: Where are we going? Do you know where we’re going?
Tourist #2: Oh, yeah. I recognize this. We’re going north. We’re definitely going north.
Tourist #1: Oh, yeah, you’re right.
Nearby New Yorker: I hate this place. They’re all crazy.
–Crossing Broadway & 42nd St
Conductor, on loudspeaker: Please note, you heard it here first: I’m watching the Super Bowl only for the commercials. The Giants are going to be so far ahead of… the other team… it’ll be a boring game. We gonna whoop them by at least 15, 20 points. But the commercials are going to be great!
–A train
Overheard by: love this conductor!
Blind hobo to no one: You know why black basketball players are better than white ones? Because Jesus was black, so they’re like Jesus!
–1 train
Black teen girl, to three teen boys: Super Bowl! Super bowl?! What the hell does that mean, ‘a Super Bowl’? Didn’t you ever think about how stupid that is?!
–F train, 4th Ave
Overheard by: Theresa
Eight‐year‐old boy: You can’t have a Cowboys game without the cheerleaders. There go half the male ticket holders.
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Guy who is clearly not Eli Manning: What do I do? My name is Eli Manning, and I play for the New York Giants.
–Upper West Side
Guy randomly wipes out on the sidewalk, flat on his stomach with arms stretched out in front of him. Everyone stares.
Nearby cop: Safe!
–Outside Penn Station
Overheard by: Bananaphone
Female suit on cell: And if we get custody, we can take the girls to North Carolina! Fuck it! Yeah, we can!
–37th St & Madison
Overheard by: catching a train
Little boy: Mommy, is California really far? Would we have to take the f train to get there?
–N Train
Crazy‐eyed lady on subway: The public schools failed my son! He flunked out, and now he’s getting all As in private school! We need to stop putting money into Georgia and put money into our schools! You know what else we need to do? We need to drill in Alaska, because if we don’t, Russia’s going to get a pipeline in there and take it all!
–Uptown R Train
Overheard by: Anna P.
20‐something woman: I think he’s just going to club me…and drag me back to Alaska.
–Bleecker & 11th
Overheard by: Imma club you
Father to five‐year‐old daughter touching signposts and cars: You can rub anything you want in Connecticut, honey, but we have to be careful in New York.
–Union Square
Thugette: Ohio was mad crazy. Hillbillies be fucking chillin’ on the block. Ain’t no one had teeth! No one! You ever seen one of those movies where some white guy goes fucking crazy and kills, like, ten people? Like he’s walking down the street and just stabs a cat in the neck? It was like that.
–V Train
Dude #1: I’m telling you that statue has something to do with it.
Dude #2: Why am I even here? I can’t believe I’m following you on a quest to find a buried treasure because bunch of puppets told you to.
–Columbus Circle
Chick on cell: We can’t let Blair and Tootie control our lives!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Poogins
Homeless crazy black guy to three scared white girls in their twenties: Time is crazy. Oh man, what time is “Desperate Housewives” on?!
–10th Street & 3rd Ave
Large latino: Yo, it was so good last night, I mean I can’t believe you missed it. It was the best episode I’ve seen yet, seriously bro… Well the main thing that happened was Heidi tried to apologize to LC and she was all like: “I wanna forget you!” I was like: “Whaaaaaat? For real?” It was crazy, you gotta catch it!
–Times Square Office Building
Overheard by: SUSAN
Redhead: The “Brady Bunch” world is a world without urges.
–Veniero’s, 11th St between 1st & 2nd
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Muscular guy: He comes up to me talking all this shit, saying that he’ll bring it. Bring what? He’s not gangsta like I am, he ain’t thug like me. Skinny motherfucka looks like a damn burnt‐out Screech.
–On the Bus
Fulsome girl with bad dye job: I’m like: “I watch ‘Law and Order: SVU’, I’m not getting in your van.”
–15th between 6th and 7th
Overheard by: Disunionsquare
Aries Spears, in line for an Ashlee Simpson autograph: I’m the black guy from MADtv! [Grabs a random girl’s camera and snaps a picture of them together and walks away.]
–Virgin Mobile Mega Store, Times Square
Man in paper hat, leather jacket covered in soda can tabs, and poofy skirt over jeans: She comes in and she comes home and breaks my heart, and the worst part is that I don’t understand her language. I’m better off with… [Steps back to peer at magazine a girl is reading] I’m better off with that one. What’s her name? Turn the page back one. Yeah, her. Tyra? Tyra. I’m better off with Tyra.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Brownsvillegirl
