Wednesday One-Liners Get a Hoboner

Hobo: I am homeless and ashy. Can anyone spare some lotion? I want to go from ashy to classy.

–A Train

Overheard by: SBroto

Hobo: If looks could kill I'd be dead. Kind words don't hurt nobody. I give sandwiches.

–Shuttle to Grand Central

Overheard by: alan b hutscar

Panhandler, holding top hat overflowing with bills: And take your newspapers and personal belongings with you, I got company comin' over tonight!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Anthony LoDuca

Hobo: You think anyone ever went to Harvard and forgot about it?

–Central Park

Hobo, near no tripping hazards or holes: Watch your step! Don't fall! Look where you're going! Don't fall down!

–4th & Broadway

Singing hobo: I'm gonna be on Broadway! You're all invited! I don't care what you look like. Even you! (points to random man)

–1 Train

Posted on June 27, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Broadway Shows, Central Park, Crazy, Death, Food, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Parks, Physical appearance, Questions, School and studying, Singing, Strangers, Street, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Tonight on Fox: When Transubstantiation Goes Wrong!

Elderly man with eyes bulging: They fried up the Pope in a side of vinegar!
Girl: Yeah, they do that sometimes.

–Henry St & Pineapple Walk

Posted on June 26, 2015
Brooklyn, Crazy, Crime and Punishment, Default, Girls, Men, Old People, Pope, Weirdness

Effing Wednesday One-Liners

Chick on cell: The well of his fuckwaddery springs eternal.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Columbia student: Fuck. Fucking titties! What the fuck? Fucking titties, this is some goddamn bullshit! I really want a snack.

–110th & Broadway

Guy to girl: Are you serious? I'm not fucking creepy, okay? I'm not fucking creepy.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: NYU girl

Man on bicycle, yelling at car: Fuck you! Yeah, use your fucking blinkers, you fuckstick!

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: Helene and Alice

Guy on cell, in monotone with no pauses: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, I need you, I need you, I need you, bitch. (hangs up)

–M4 Bus

Posted on June 21, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazy, Food, Guys, Insults, Men, On Cell, On the Bus, Parks, Rack, Relationships, Students, The Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

And Are You Pregnant? I Rest My Case.

Bearded man: To save time, you should pour your apple juice in with your tea, to make apple-tea.
Unbearded man: That’s crazy talk.
Bearded man: Well, you’re the one who suggested I go on the pill.

–Diner, 59th & 7th

Posted on June 10, 2015
Advice, Crazy, Default, Drinks, Fruit, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Restaurants & Cafes, Time

Maury Povich Says You’re the Wednesday One-Liner

Guy on phone: His dad’s, like, crazy, and he lives in a house all by himself, and the saddest thing is… the saddest thing is this guy’s dad is even uglier than our dad!

–Waverly Place b/w Mercer & Greene

Woman: Don’t even think about humping your father’s feet!

–President & Columbia

[Before the start of the NYC pillow fight.]Pillow-fighter: I’m gonna beat you all down like you were my daddy! [Hits people with his pillow.] Why weren’t you there, dad, why!?

–Union Square

Guy on cell: Hey dude, my flight has been delayed like an hour, yeah it does suck… [Pause.] Dude, from this point on I’m calling you "daddy". No: "big daddy". Yeah, hey big daddy…

–US Airways Terminal, Laguardia Airport

Little girl pointing at a grizzly bear: Daddy! Daddy!

–Museum of Natural History

Posted on June 9, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Crazy, Girls, Guys, Kids, LaGuardia Airport, Museum of Natural History, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, Parents, Physical appearance, The Village, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Violence, Weirdness, Women

For the Last Time Dad, Marijuana Is NOT a Vegetable

Street performer: I declare today the “Eat Vegetables and Dance Day”!
Tourist to son: See, I told you all New Yorkers are crazy and high.

–South Street Seaport

Headline by: AlpacaHoss

Runners-Up:
· “As a Perfectly Sane Dance-Eater, I Take Exception to That Remark” – Upstanding New Yorker
· “Does She Mean the People or the Rent Payments?” – Uncle Bling
· “Now Lettuce Boogie Out Of Town” – Kevin Babbles
· “Now LetÂ´s Go to McDonald’s, and I’d Better Not See Those Hips Shaking” – Laura
· “Now Stop Dancing and Eat This Bacon” – Jesse
· “Richard Simmons Tries to Restart His Career” – sweatin to the oldies
· “What and Break My Perfect Morbidly Obese Record?” – Nota Fatty
· “You Laugh Until You Realize That New Yorkers Get the Day Off From Work” – BabakganoosH

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on June 9, 2015
Crazy, Dads, Dancing, Drugs, Headline Contest Winners, Kids, Tourism, Vegetarian & Vegan, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Colonel Sanders Eventually Got His Sales Pitch Juuuust Right

Crazy stranger: Hey kid, you're a total cunt!
16-year-old: Gee…thanks, mister.
Crazy stranger: No problem. You like chicken?

–6 Train

Posted on May 25, 2015
Crazies, Crazy, Food, Insults, On the Subway, Strangers, Teens

No Matter How You Slice Them

Gentleman, innocently conversing with woman: He's a tall guy, what did she expect?
Out-of-control hobo sitting next to couple: Fuck that! Tall people are pizzas. Tall people are pizzas!

–A Train

Overheard by: Katie Arvidson

Posted on May 6, 2015
Crazy, Height, Hobos, Insults, Men, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pizza, Questions, Women

You Do Not Want to Get Caught in Their Web.

Hobo walking around making gun with hands: Spiderman, Spiderman, Spiderman…
Bag lady, to no one in particular: He thinks he's s Spiderman, but he's really not.
Hobo to hand: She's right, ya know. Spiderman.

–Penn Station

Posted on May 3, 2015
Bag ladies, Crazies, Crazy, Hobos, Penn Station, Superheroes, Weirdness

Ten Bucks Says She's Talking About the Statue

Crazy Asian bag lady: My pasta! Who took my pasta!? You! (points to yuppie guy) You took it!
Yuppie guy: Lady, does it look like I need your pasta?
Crazy Asian bag lady: Calm down, asshole, it's just pasta. I think I told David he could have it.

–W 52nd

Posted on April 29, 2015
Asians, Bag ladies, Crazies, Crazy, Food, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Thievery, Yuppies