Wednesday One-Liners Will Do Everything but the Bikini Wax

Queer: I just want to work on my arms. I don’t need to bother with abs — I’ll just spray them on.

–New York Sports Club, 23rd St

Lady in elevator to grandma with walker: That M.A.C Stuff is like spackle! It stays on for hours!

–Macy’s

Overheard by: nuck

Columbia co-ed: I always put on makeup when I’m drunk. It’s such a bad idea!

–114th St & Broadway

Overheard by: tired of Morningside Heights

Young girl: Mom, can I get my Social Studies teacher a gift? I’ma get her some lotion, ’cause she mad ashy! Yo, I ain’t even lyin’. I ain’t even lyin’…

–Steinway St, Astoria

Ghetto chick hanging up cell angrily: Great! He gone messed up my day! Now I’m definitely getting my hair and nails did!

–Wendy’s, 34th & 8th

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Posted on September 1, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Makeup, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Easy, Breezy, Beautiful: Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on phone: So, should I continue not being a whore or should I go get an emergency Brazilian?

–Lexington Ave & 58th

Girl to friend: No, I can't do tomorrow afternoon. I am getting waxed for the weekend. Just in case.

–3rd Ave & 80th St

Salesgirl to customer: You so have an exfoliating face!

–Sephora, 57th & Lexington

Overheard by: Amanda

Creepy hobo on payphone: So, you're doing your nails? Mmmmmm…

–Bleecker & Thompson

Overheard by: Thompson

Girl with pounds of makeup on: Yeah, I'm going on lunch right now. I am so exhausted, I did five makeovers today. Yeah, I am so tired…I had a butch.

–Elevator, Macy's

Overheard by: K Melv

Thug: All I want is a mani-pedi.

–72nd & Central Park West

Overheard by: wb

Posted on June 14, 2022
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Body Parts, Creepsters, Customers, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Hobos, Makeup, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Promiscuity, Sex, Store, Street, The Village, Thugs, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

“Don't Hate Me Because I'm Wednesday One-Liner”

Hobo to female passerby (singing): Pretty woman, walking down the street/Pretty woman, eating a hamburger…

–Wendy's, Union Square

Overheard by: Hungry Bystander

Salesgirl to another: You look pretty today…for a little Filipino girl.

–American Eagle, SoHo

Overheard by: Holly

Loud hobo walking through crowded train: Lots of beautiful ladies on this train. Beautiful white ladies. Beautiful black ladies. I like her hat. (turns to one shy-looking girl) Do you wear makeup? You shouldn't. You don't need it, you are so beautiful. If you have any makeup, just throw it away. Or send it to my girl, cuz she is ugly.

–Downtown 4 Train

50-something woman to pretty 20-something girl: I just wanted you to know that our husbands over there think you are one of the most beautiful girls they have ever seen. So now our husbands are going to have sex with my friend and I tonight. They may be thinking of you during, but thanks to you I am going to have an orgasm tonight, so thank you for being so gorgeous.

–Boat Basin Cafe

Overheard by: Megan W.

Guy on iPhone: You think because you're pretty you can get away with that shit. Well, you're wrong! You can get away with that shit because you're rich!

–Duane Reade, Columbus Ave

Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/

Posted on October 22, 2019
9 to 5-ers, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Coworkers, Duane Reade, Gender issues, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Makeup, Marriage, Money & Class, Music, On Cell, On the Subway, Orgasm, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Singing, Soho, Store, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Hot Right Now

Big muscular man on cell: It's so damn hot, I'm glad I'm not wearing makeup.

–Outside Tribeca Deli

Overheard by: Akiko

Conductor: This is 42nd Street, Times Square. Number 3 train across the platform. Get it while it's hot!

–Downtown 1 Train

Elderly black woman to no one in particular: It's so hot my pussy is melting!

–12th & Broadway

Overheard by: lemchek

Enthusiastic girl: As soon as I saw his name in lights! His name is so hot! So I have to marry him!

–Thompson & W 3rd St

Guy: I'm telling ya that it was so damn hot in there that my balls rolled out from under my towel and fell on the floor… like they was trying to escape or something.

–Starbucks

Dude to friend: I wanna say she's hot… But I mean she looks like the type of girl who accepts Discover.

–The Village

Posted on October 5, 2017
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Conductors, Friends, Girls, Guys, Heat, Jocks, Makeup, Marriage, Men, Names, NYC Geography, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Starbucks, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Have You Forgotten Fran Drescher?

Chinese coworker: Hey, you’re wearing makeup today!
Jewish coworker: Yeah, I had a little extra time this morning.
Chinese coworker: But I thought Jewish people couldn’t wear makeup?
Jewish coworker: Huh!?

–Office Building, 26th & 11th

Posted on July 26, 2015
Buildings, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinese, Coworkers, Default, Jews, Judaism, Makeup, Stupidity

Barnard Girls Are Famously Dubai and Large

College woman: Did I tell you? I got my lip gloss today!
Friend: Oooooh, from where?
College woman: Dubai.

–Barnard College

Overheard by: graduating soon….

Posted on June 26, 2015
Columbia (& Barnard), Friends, Makeup, Questions, Shopping, Students

Wednesday One-Liners Want to Believe

Five-year-old girl in funny voice: I don't wear eyeshadow. I am an alien. I am allowed to be weird.

–Downtown 6 Train, Union Square

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Brunette: So, wait. Are they scientists or large-headed aliens?

–Harlem

Overheard by: Ladle

Hobo: You may not know this, but I am from another planet. I am also recruiting souls for my army in the underworld. We are four hundred thousand billion strong. Everybody better watch out!

–1 Train

Geeky guy to another: Have you seen the planet he's from? Goddamn!

–N Train

Girl to friend (animated, with hand gestures): I mean, you could actually *see* E.T.'s birth…

–5th Ave & 14th St

Guy, very sure of himself: I would much rather hunt aliens than ghosts, at least that makes sense.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: jessi pfeufer

Posted on April 11, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Kids, Makeup, On the Subway, Questions, Science, Starbucks, Stupidity, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Remember That Oath Your Kindergarten Class Took at Bloomingdale's

Precocious little girl: Mom, that lady is grooming the dog groomer!
Pretentious mom: That makes sense. Do you see how some of the dog show women dress themselves? Would you want to be caught dead in some of their clothes and makeup?
Precocious little girl: No.

–Westminster Dog Show Grooming Area

Overheard by: Wouldn't Be Caught Dead Either

Posted on January 9, 2015
Clothing, Death, Kids, Makeup, Man's Best Friend, Moms, Parades & Festitivites, Parents, Questions

…That Drive Pink Convertables and Have the Genitalia of a Eunuch!

20-something girl: I don't believe in foundation makeup.
50-something woman: Really?
20-something girl: I used to wear it a long time ago, when I was younger, but it makes you look so fake, like a doll…which is stupid because we're people!

–Madison Square Park

Headline by: Skipper

Runners-Up:
· “…And That’s When I Dropped Out Of Clown School.” – Danny the Mullins
· “Barbie’s Infiltration Plan Is Working” – Natalie
· “Besides, The Tips at the Carnival Were Totally Not Cutting It” – Dave
· “Britney Tries Her Hand at Philosophy” – Fresca P.
· “Excerpts from the Human Tissue-Silicone Ratio Debate” – ty
· “I Also Refuse Parachutes; I Ain’t No Bird!” – Jeff
· “Max Factor Is…People!” – Chris

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on October 25, 2014
Age/Aging, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Fakes, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, Makeup, Parks, Physical appearance, Women

Vanity, Thy Name Is Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to guy: And I was like, "He bleaches his asshole, what does he know about anatomy?"

–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn

Seven-year-old girl to boy throwing mud at her: Watch it, Jakob! I wore eyeliner today!

–Fort Greene Park, Brooklyn

Very large woman on cell: It's called "Brazilian wax job." You only have to do it like every two weeks. Yep, it itches for a day or two, but it's worth every penny.

–PATH

Overheard by: Corey

Young lady with long curly hair to girlfriend: So, I started drying my hair with paper towels recently.

–Montague St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: E-Man>Master of the UNIVERSE!

Outraged feminine gay guy to another: He's having his lips redone… again!

–8th Ave & 20th St, Chelsea

Overheard by: Evan

Woman on cell: Girl, I don't understand why you gotta put on all that makeup just to go for a colonic!

–Washington Heights