Man’s Best Friend

Wife: I don’t know what you’ve got to be so sad about. Your boss loves you, the kids love you, I love you, the dog loves you!

–JFK airport bar

Fat lady walking Pit Bull: The cop told me I have to put a muzzle on my dog.
Friend: Are you?
Fat lady: Hell no. Does my dog look like he’s into kinky shit?!

–115th & Broadway

Overheard by: nassah

Older woman #1: This is my shih tzu. I got her when my yorkie died.
Older woman #2: I got my yorkie when my sister died.
Older woman #1: I don't know what I'd do if my shih tzu died.

–Union Square

Guy: We thought Cecile got the Burberry print ad.
Girl: Yeah, if she got it I was going to manage her career.
Guy: It was up between her and another dog, but I guess she lost.

–Bread Tribeca, Church Street

Overheard by: Jaysen Medhurst

Large black man to tiny dog with hacking cough: I told you three times already: Calm yo’self!

–Cunningham Park, Queens

Overheard by: HelloClairice

Woman to dog: You’re not paying attention, now are you?

–83rd & Broadway

Woman to her two dogs: Sit down… And don’t steal anything.

–Pet store, Park Slope

Overheard by: Russ Wall

Woman to dog barking at passerby: No, that’s not appropriate.

–70th & Amsterdam

Man to dog: J-Lo, come here!

–Union Square Dog Run

Overheard by: Buns

Little boy holding a Dachshund: Too many weenies! Too many weenies, Mister Weenie!

–Daschund Day, Washington Square Park

Overheard by: rpk

Toothless man on bike to Shih Tzu: You gotta watch out! Have some human food. Eat at a Chinese restaurant. You a classy dog!

–10th & 6th

Overheard by: CarrieBoo

Latino guy: Can I have a baggy dog?

–Roosevelt Ave, Queens

Overheard by: petilipois

Professor: And here this writer will be reading from her first novel Doggy Style, which is probably about taking your dogs out and meeting other people in the city.

–Hunter College, creative writing classroom

Overheard by: Brownsvillegirl

Woman: Excuse me, I have to put my hand up my dog’s ass.

–Columbus & 67th St

Girl: I can never visualize people’s faces. Like my mom. I know she has nice cheekbones, so I try and visualize her cheekbones. But then she just turns into this weird cat.

— Diner, 10th Ave

Woman: Cats are bitches! They think they’re better than you. I hate cats.

–89th St & Broadway

Overheard by: righteous queen

Man, singing to daughter in stroller: 11 puppies, 11 puppies, we’re searching for… 24 puppies!

–Sheridan Square

Overheard by: thaler

Teen girl: Your cat has gotten high before me!

–8th St & 4th Ave

Hipster girl: The kittens got on the stove and turned the gas on. I got home and it was like Fight Club but with kittens. I’ll probably give them away to the ASPCA or to suckers like you.

–L train

Overheard by: Philip

Guy with cat fetish: The only way I’d have sex with a dog is if Donald Trump gave me 62 billion dollars.
Guy with Donald Trump fetish: Donald Trump doesn’t have that much money!

–Classroom, Barnard College, 117th & Broadway

Overheard by: hallway passerby

Girl: … so dogs were getting electrocuted and they kept telling people to put boots on their dogs–
Guy: What is with these New Yorkers and their dogs? If you want a creature that badly, have a child!
Girl: You are an idiot.

–110th & Amsterdam

Man running by with dog to teenage girl: Woof!
Teenage girl to friend: He better have been talking to the dog.

–Central Park

Girl: Did you hear about that new dog they’re breeding? It’s called
a pewgle.
Guy: What kinda dog is that?
Girl: Oh, it’s a pug and um…um…a bugle.

–Deli, 53rd & 6th

Overheard by: Janelle F