Guy: Golden retrievers are beautiful animals. If I were a golden retriever, I would be so vain!
–Shade, Sullivan Street
Guy on cell: Oh, you want a doggy treat? When I get home I’ll give you a big fat bone.
–34th & 8th
Woman: Peter! Dog poop is not a toy!
–CPW & 65th Street
Overheard by: Johnathan
A dog pees on a hipster’s leg.
Hipster: Dude! That is so not cool!
–McGolrick Park, Greenpoint
Overheard by: Didi Hylobates
Lady: They’ve got psychiatrists for dogs. They’ve even got their own cemeteries. They’ve got more things than kids!
–Eckerd’s, Bensonhurst
Younger brother: I wish I could jump over buildings like Spider-man.
Older sister: Little buildings or really tall buildings?
Younger brother: Tall buildings.
Older sister: I bet you could. Why don’t you try it sometime?
–M14 bus
Wife: I don’t know what you’ve got to be so sad about. Your boss loves you, the kids love you, I love you, the dog loves you!
–JFK airport bar
Fat lady walking Pit Bull: The cop told me I have to put a muzzle on my dog.
Friend: Are you?
Fat lady: Hell no. Does my dog look like he’s into kinky shit?!
–115th & Broadway
Overheard by: nassah
Older woman #1: This is my shih tzu. I got her when my yorkie died.
Older woman #2: I got my yorkie when my sister died.
Older woman #1: I don't know what I'd do if my shih tzu died.
–Union Square
Guy: We thought Cecile got the Burberry print ad.
Girl: Yeah, if she got it I was going to manage her career.
Guy: It was up between her and another dog, but I guess she lost.
–Bread Tribeca, Church Street
Overheard by: Jaysen Medhurst
Large black man to tiny dog with hacking cough: I told you three times already: Calm yo’self!
–Cunningham Park, Queens
Overheard by: HelloClairice
Woman to dog: You’re not paying attention, now are you?
–83rd & Broadway
Woman to her two dogs: Sit down… And don’t steal anything.
–Pet store, Park Slope
Overheard by: Russ Wall
Woman to dog barking at passerby: No, that’s not appropriate.
–70th & Amsterdam
Man to dog: J-Lo, come here!
–Union Square Dog Run
Overheard by: Buns
Little boy holding a Dachshund: Too many weenies! Too many weenies, Mister Weenie!
–Daschund Day, Washington Square Park
Overheard by: rpk
Toothless man on bike to Shih Tzu: You gotta watch out! Have some human food. Eat at a Chinese restaurant. You a classy dog!
–10th & 6th
Overheard by: CarrieBoo
Latino guy: Can I have a baggy dog?
–Roosevelt Ave, Queens
Overheard by: petilipois
Professor: And here this writer will be reading from her first novel Doggy Style, which is probably about taking your dogs out and meeting other people in the city.
–Hunter College, creative writing classroom
Overheard by: Brownsvillegirl
Woman: Excuse me, I have to put my hand up my dog’s ass.
–Columbus & 67th St
Girl: I can never visualize people’s faces. Like my mom. I know she has nice cheekbones, so I try and visualize her cheekbones. But then she just turns into this weird cat.
— Diner, 10th Ave
Woman: Cats are bitches! They think they’re better than you. I hate cats.
–89th St & Broadway
Overheard by: righteous queen
Man, singing to daughter in stroller: 11 puppies, 11 puppies, we’re searching for… 24 puppies!
–Sheridan Square
Overheard by: thaler
Teen girl: Your cat has gotten high before me!
–8th St & 4th Ave
Hipster girl: The kittens got on the stove and turned the gas on. I got home and it was like Fight Club but with kittens. I’ll probably give them away to the ASPCA or to suckers like you.
–L train
Overheard by: Philip
Guy with cat fetish: The only way I’d have sex with a dog is if Donald Trump gave me 62 billion dollars.
Guy with Donald Trump fetish: Donald Trump doesn’t have that much money!
–Classroom, Barnard College, 117th & Broadway
Overheard by: hallway passerby
