Wasted guy: Oh man. I just shit my pants…I can’t believe I shit my pants.
–Carroll Gardens
Wasted guy: Oh man. I just shit my pants…I can’t believe I shit my pants.
–Carroll Gardens
Aged cokehead #1: I know that face from somewhere, you look really familiar…
Aged cokehead #2: Yeah, I think I’ve seen your face somewhere.
Aged cokehead #1: Maybe from the same circle‐jerk?
Aged cokehead #2: No, I don’t think I’ve ever done that before. Here’s $20 for the wine.
–Lexington & 28th St
Overheard by: The Wine Girls
Old junkie guy #1: …So the bitch is fucking bitching about wearin’ a condom. She won’t let me bust my nut in her ’til I slap one on. So I do! And the bitch gives me crabs!
Old junkie guy #2: What a ho.
–Bx15 bus
20‐something to friend: If I didn’t do so many drugs, I could probably afford to go skiing and shit like that.
–Williamsburg
Art school student: If I can stop doing heroin, I can do anything!
–Outside School of Visual Arts
Tourist guy to tourist friends: Yeah, I remember when he went to school on shrooms, and then he went to the principal and told him that he was on shrooms.
–40th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Bones Jones
Father to daughter: Don’t say “no” to drugs. Say “no, thank you.”
–45th St & 5th Ave
Blonde Catholic schoolgirl: Maybe after we pop the E we’ll roll over to 149th Street.
–Q88 Bus
Red State Girl: Is that a hammer in your bag?
Dealer: Yeah. It’s a metaphor. ‘Cause Jesus was a carpenter, see. And I walk with Jesus.
Red State Girl: Oh.
–29th Street & 7th Ave.
Overheard by: M. Martin
Guy: Yo, did you hear what Bush wants to do? He wants to get rid of financial aid for college.
Girl: Really?
Guy: Yeah…soon we all gon’ have to be drug dealers. Seeing crackheads will be normal.
–Washington Heights
Overheard by: clari
40‐something hyperactive preppy/golfer tourist: Hey! How’s it going?! Where are you from?
40‐something regular guy: Seattle. You?
40‐something hyperactive preppy/golfer tourist: Newport Beach, California! What are you off to do?
40‐something regular guy: Dinner and some drinks with friends. You?
40‐something hyperactive preppy/golfer tourist: Me and a buddy are going to take mushrooms and go see Young Frankenstein for the third time! It’s hilarious when you’re high!
–Elevator, Sheraton Hotel
Subway announcement: The next l train is now arriving on the Manhattan bound track.
Midwest tweaker, to no one in particular: Boo‐yah! Buh‐buh‐buh boo‐yah! (blows snot rocket onto subway tracks) The l train? What the fuck is that?
–Bedford L Train
Overheard by: Ben Graney
Guy #1: How does my nose look?
Guy #2: You’re good.
–Penn Station men’s room
Overheard by: Christian
Greasy, middle‐aged man: It’s not your beer.
Cracked‐out, middle‐aged woman: I left it in your bathroom!
–30th & 9th
Overheard by: India
