Crackhead: Excuse me, miss, but you don’t look so good. Are you okay?
Hot, drunk chick vomiting in a trashcan: I’m supposed to be asking you that!
–66th St, Lincoln Center station
Crackhead: Excuse me, miss, but you don’t look so good. Are you okay?
Hot, drunk chick vomiting in a trashcan: I’m supposed to be asking you that!
–66th St, Lincoln Center station
Guy peeing: …yeah, in the subways in Sweden, they have blue lights because it makes it harder to see your veins to shoot up.
Guy washing hands: Oh yeah?
Guy peeing: Yeah. It’s totally a lot easier to shoot up here.
–Baggot Inn men’s room, W. 3rd Street
Overheard by: Michael Vance II
Skinny black acid-tripper to ASPCA ad featuring Russell Simmons: Yo, I can dance. You can’t dance. You don’t exist. [Pause.] Yo, what you said? I’ll fuck you up!
–near Worth & Mott St
Overheard by: Joe
Man, to old woman pouring paint thinner into the sewer: You know, you’ll kill the alligators like that.
–39th & Lex
Methodone lover: I told him, “If you do that again, I’m gonna sic the alligators on you!”
–Whitehall Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: Steven Lowell
Tourist, kneeling in front of a giant stone head: Help me, Olmec! Where is the shrine of the silver monkey?
–Museum of Natural History
Chelsea boy: Yeah…My God, the boys there were so hot! Their asses were all tight and round…Mmm…like a Chihuahua’s.
–19th & 6th
Overheard by: CocteauBoy
5-Year-Old boy, passing the smelly horse carriages on Central Park South: Eww, are there camels around here?
–59th between Broadway & 7th
Overheard by: Carmiya Weinraub
Old man, passing bear sculpture: Bears eat too much.
–American Wing Cafe, the Met
Overheard by: guingel
MTA hardhat: Yeah, for lunch I’ll have either the rat on a stick or the pigeon on a stick.
–Bleecker & Lafayette
Overheard by: Brewster
Guy on cell: I just saw a pigeon, and it reminded me of you.
–Houston & Bowery
Overheard by: Jon A.
Commuter: Oh, I’ve always been into manatees.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jon
Woman, to child: That’s why imagination is really nice. You can imagine that cat you have always wanted, and it’s almost like having him for real…even though you never will.
–53rd & Broadway
Animal lover: I never used to like cats. But then I had this dream where this cat, like, told me, “I love you,” so I got a cat.
–10th St & 1st Ave
Bus rider: My son’s frog jumped up there, and now I can’t take a poop.
–Q101 bus
Overheard by: Kaleena
Suit: No, no, it’s a woman with a donkey, not two donkeys! Jesus.
–14th St 1 station
Non-Ghetto woman on cell: That’s nigga’s crazier than a road lizard!
–59th & 7th
Picky girl: You won’t believe the pick up line he used. He actually said, “I want to be your beast.”
–The Strand, Broadway
Overheard by: Miss Parker
Girl #1: You know how I knew I was back home? I saw a Duane Reade.
Girl #2: Yeah, they don’t have those out there.
Girl #1: No, actually, you know how I knew I was home? I saw a crackhead on my block jerking off as he was walking. Then, I was like, ‘Yeah, I’m home.’
–6 train near 23rd St
Overheard by: Kathy
Woman: I smell crack comin’. I’m not buggin’, right?
–Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: Mike Epstein
Stumbling woman: Shit, my eyesight’s so fucking good, I can find crack in the motherfuckin’ snow!
–Bowery mission
Overheard by: lancelot quintana
Chick: Do you ever wonder if we’ll get tired of being so rich? You know, like what if later in life we randomly, like, decide to renounce our possessions or something drastic and move to Africa?
Man: What, are you saying you don’t enjoy our lifestyle anymore?
Chick: I don’t know… hey, do you wanna get some coke later?
–82nd & 1st
Overheard by: chuzzle in space
Bike messenger screaming to another: That’s why I love you. Because you support my drug habit!
–3rd Ave & 10th St
Five-year-old with mother: I’m gonna get get get you hiiiigghh!
–10th & Broadway
Overheard by: evanescent
Mom to three-year-old daughter: Sit up! Sit up! Are you on crack?
–2 train, the Bronx
Overheard by: MK
Professor: I remember this one acid trip…
–NYU, Silver Center
Overheard by: Limey
Stoner dude: I get high to get high. I don’t expect much, but it passes time and it kills hangovers.
–17th & 8th
Overheard by: Lara
Thugette on pimped-out cell: Honey, I told yo’ ass before, I’ll tell you again: once a nigga puts rims on his Fed-Ex truck, you know he’s a drug dealer
–36th Ave station, Astoria
Overheard by: Akojam Milas
Bag lady: Ladies and gentlemen, my husband and I are homeless. We can’t stay at our shelter during the day so we come on the train to get food. Today we are asking for money so we can do laundry. Anything you can give will help.
Hobo: Why don’t you just admit that you’re gonna buy crack? I’m in the same line of work, don’t believe her.
–N train
Lady: I was down in Tijuana getting some dental work done, and I fell asleep in the chair. Best sleep I ever had! They should sedate me more often.
Girl (under her breath): I couldn’t agree more.
–audience waiting room for the Tony Danza Show
Overheard by: Renee B.
