Annoyed commuter: Shut up, you jobless crackhead piece of shit!
Crackhead: Fuck you, man, I got a job! I sell crack.
–A Train
Annoyed commuter: Shut up, you jobless crackhead piece of shit!
Crackhead: Fuck you, man, I got a job! I sell crack.
–A Train
Passenger to woman stumbling on crowded train and talking to herself: Shut up and take a shower you crackhead!
Drug-addled woman: I'm not a crackhead, I'm a dope-fiend!
–A Train
Overheard by: david
Loud guy: Hey! Illegal drugs, anyone? Illegal drugs? I want to buy some illegal drugs!
–6th Ave & 34h St
Overheard by: Emily
College girl to friend: Remember that time when you slept with that drug trafficker?
–33rd & 3rd
Man in restaurant: After the roofies I took I was a total mess, it was amazing.
–23rd & 10th
Overheard by: Matt
Man to friend holding Diet Coke: Do you remember when they had this at that gay bathhouse I had to go to because my drug dealer was there?
–Duane Reade
Dude, about crowd: I'm so glad we dropped acid before coming here.
–Trader Joe's, Union Square
Overheard by: Kat
Loud girl on cell: She can't just call you up and like, reminisce and be like, "remember when we loved each other?" Oh, and I don't even want to talk about the conversation we had this morning. There's no excuse to do acid!
–Wagner College
Employee #1 on phone: So, I’m at your apartment and I found your pipe, but I can’t find your–
Employee #2: Dude, stop… You’re on speakerphone!
–Office, 44th & Broadway
College miniskirt #1: Wow, I feel so nauseous.
College miniskirt #2: It must be all the Adderall we took.
College miniskirt #1: You're right, I'll probably just throw it up when we get to the bar.
–110th St & Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: Nikki
Hobo: Look, I’m not going to lie to you. I’m not hungry or sick, I just need some money so I can get high, but it’s just weed, I don’t do heroin or cocaine or any of that shit.
Guy: You know, it’s because of guys like you that people think pot should be illegal! Look at you! When I get high, I pay my own way! I earn my own money and get high! There are little kids on this train! What do you think they’re going to learn? Man, think a little!
–4 train
Overheard by: Alice S.
Young boy: Mom, my problem is that I just can’t pay attention for long enough to do my homework the right way. I mean, maybe it’s’s just the weed talking, but I’d like to see someone.
–Washington Square Park
Girl #1 to girl #2: Wouldn't you just rather have a night where we just get really high and scissor?
–Grand & Union, Brooklyn
Guy on cell: So they're smoking crack and fucking on his mother's bed!
–17th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Dave
Little kid: Look, I'm on crack!
–Apple Store, Staten Island Mall
Overheard by: Robert
Junkie to junkie companion, standing in front of Band-Aids: I need to test positive for methadone and negative for everything else…
–Walgreens, Union Square
Hobo on train: Does anyone have any money for me? Any food? Any opium? Lots and lots of opium?
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: left my opium stash at home
20-something blond girl on cell: You just have to convince them that you care more about college than you do about drugs, and they'll give you another chance…that's what I did!
–Chinatown Bus
Overheard by: GavinJoyce
Tourist: So I called her up and said, "Come down or you're going to miss breakfast, and I want to have breakfast with you." And all she said was, "I really like opium." and I was like, "Oh, okay."
–33rd & 7th
Overheard by: EthanK
20-Something guy #1: I loved rehab.
20-Something guy #2: I did, too.
20-Something guy #1: You know, I’m so grateful for the friends.
–19th & 8th
Overheard by: Sebastian White
Headline by: Adam Nathan
Runners-Up:
· “And Don’t Forget the Free Detox Poncho” – Toby
· “And By ‘Friends,’ He Means ‘Points of Reference.'” – Jessica P.
· “And Your Daughters Appreciate Not Having to Say They Fell Down the Stairs at School” – Fake Jew
· “However, My Intervention Was a Bore.” – Sean
· “If I Ever Get Lonely, I Know I Can Just Relapse.” – Colin McCleod
· “It’s Hard to Find People Who Understand My Smurf Porn Addiction.” – John
· “Its Just Like Summer Camp! But With No Blow” – Liss
· “So No One Told Ya Life Was Gonna Be This Wayyy (Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap)” – pete
· “That’s Spelled F-I-E-N-D-S” – Bostonian
· “They Were The Mayo On My Cold Turkey” – Hellboy
· “You Should See the Support at the Sexaholics Meeting” – Mike
Crackhead #1: Nah, I ain't.
Crackhead #2: Yo man, yo tongue be black, yo nose be wood and long. You be fibbin'!
–Ave A & 2nd St
Overheard by: Brian
