Meth user: Am I too late to get my methadone?
Young pharmacist: Yes. After five p.m. we dump all the methadone down the drain.
Meth user, very nervous: Are you kidding?!
Young pharmacist, laughing: Yes, I am.

Fort Erie, Ontario

Dopey girl: I once figured out the secret of life.
Friend: Really? What?
Dopey girl: You see, that's the problem.
Friend: What do you mean?
Dopey girl: I forgot it.
Friend: Well, that sucks.
Dopey girl: Yeah. I would've made a lot of money off of that too.
Friend: Well, if it comes back to you…
Dopey girl: Oh–don't worry. You'll be the first to know.

Running Track
Loganville, Georgia

Girl #1: What kind of drugs were you on?
Girl #2: I wasn't on drugs!
Girl #1: What kind of drugs do you want to be on?
Girl #2: What kind of drugs do you have?
Girl #1: I have the morning after pill.
Girl #2: That's not a drug.
Girl #1: Yes it is, it kills babies.

Escondido, California

Grungy young man, after loudly prattling on about drinking 12 Smirnoffs a day, weed, and massage therapy: I didn't believe in the inner-spiritual plane until I saw my unborn child's soul whisked away.

Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Anon Y. Mouse

Stoned girl with drink in one hand and cigarette in the other: I’m a fucking Christian, so I know you’re wrong!

Northern Ireland

Stoned girl #1, eating mint cookie: This tastes like Oreos.
Stoned girl #2: This isn't Oreos! It's… Oxford Creme cookie.
Stoned girl #1: Sounds like a pretentious Oreo to me.

Cambridge, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Curly

Stoned girl looking at bottom of empty chip bag: Ugh, this is why I hate life.

Elk Grove, California

Overheard by: MelBee

Loud 40-something suit on cell: Yeah, let's sit around smoking ganja on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, and you can teach me Swahili.

Giant Eagle Grocery
Medina, Ohio

Guy: It was a teeth-optional place, but hey, I was a drug addict, so I'm not all that and a bag of chips either.

Los Angeles, California

Guy asking survey questions to people: So, where are you from again?
Really high guy: Do you mean in real life?

Dorm Lobby