B&T daughter: Let's move to the front, we still have eight minutes.
B&T mother: Oh my god, are we moving?!
Random guy: Uh, that's the other train that's moving.

--LIRR Train

Professor: All the buildings in Florence are five stories high, because they were built before elevators, and that’s how many stories you can walk up with groceries before you die.

–Fordham University

20‐something tourist girl to family, about subway: It’s like an elevator, but opposite.

–N Train

Bimbette: I, like, ran into them in the elevator and they, like, literally gang‐banged me.


20‐something woman: Do you think he ever found out I didn’t fall down an elevator shaft?

–F Train

Angry 20‐something girl: Dad, you realize that when you refuse to give me the keys to my car that he’s been illegally driving, you are effective enabling him to steal from me!
Confused‐looking dad: Well, I understand how you feel, honey, really I do, but…
Angry 20‐something girl (cutting him off): Don’t fucking placate me, you sonofabitch!
Confused‐looking dad (looking helplessly toward his wife): Cheryl…your daughter is yelling at me using profanity and words I don’t know.

–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Krystal

Subway announcement: Service changes will affect the “d” as in “Darby” line and “v” as in “victim” line.
Tourist mom to family: Honey, I don’t think it’s safe to take the subway, let’s get out.

–Prince Street Subway Stop

Mother to daughter wearing a Pink Princess backpack: Hold up, honey, mommy needs to get something out of your bag.
(mother removes pack of cigarettes and lighter from bag)
Husband to wife: You have no shame.

–Central Park

Tourist father to family, crossing mid‐block: Okay, this is our first jaywalk!
Little kid: I’m so excited!

–45th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Linda Stein

Chick: Is marijuana vegan?
Father: It is unless you roll it in elephant hide. Or foreskin.
Mother: A joint rolled in foreskin would give you two pleasures at once!

–13th between 5th & 6th

Overheard by: Colin

Grandson: I wanna watch that show Chuck — about the spy.
Grandma: Cluck? It’s called ‘Cluck’?
Grandson: Chuck. He’s a spy.
Grandma: Cluck? Like a chicken?
Grandson: Grandma, you’re stupid.
Grandma: I just don’t think a chicken would make a good spy. He’d always be clucking.
Grandson: He’s not a chicken, he’s a spy.
Grandma: But then again, no one expects a chicken… Damn chickens…

–L train

Little boy: I farted!
Mother: Oh, Andrew, that’s gross.
Grandma: Yes, say “excuse me” and then get out of here.
Little boy: Bombs away!

–Target, Queens

20‐something‐guy: Obama condoms, for long and hard times!
Tourist mom: What’s an Obama condom?
Tourist dad: I have no idea.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Shannon