Families

Wednesday One-Minors

Seven-year-old boy to father: Did you know that when you get into middle school, all the girls care about is whether you're rich and have a cute ass? In elementary school, they only care about if you can run fast. If you run the fastest, you get all the girls.

–Flushing, Queens

Overheard by: Tara

Small boy to teacher in increasingly panicky voice: Is this Narnia? We're not Narnians yet, right?!

–NYU Kimmel Center

Overheard by: Narnia @ NYU?

Five-year-old to three-year-old brother: Listen, we're going to have food all winter. It's hibernation. You know what hibernation is, don't you? Hibernation is when animals eat a lot of food and sleep all winter. We're gonna hibernate!

–M104 Bus

Overheard by: Samantha

Little kid: Grandma, smell this! It's Obsession for Men!

–Bergdorf Goodman

Sobbing five-year-old girl to mom in CD section: I wanna download, I don't wanna waste my money.

–Borders, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Can records labels sue toddlers?

Home Depot Also Sells the Industrial Grade Belt-Driven Kind

Little boy: Do you have 25 cents?
Older sister: What? No… You don’t need a tampon.
Little boy: No, I want a napkin.
Older sister: You don’t need those, either.
Little boy: I want a napkin for my face! [Reads off dispenser] See? Nap-kin.
Older sister: Those aren’t napkins like we use at the table. They’re… um… y’know, ladies’ things, like Mommy uses.
Little boy: Ohhh…

–Ladies’ room, Home Depot, Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: Pippa

Yeah, Accommodating Your Capricious Food Cravings Was Really Fun

Middle aged woman: And I smoked weed, like, ever day last summer.
Daughter: I'm shocked, mom.
Middle aged woman: Oh, so you thought I was fun naturally?

–Central Park

Your Editors Don't Use the Term “Creepy” Lightly

Husky dad: So when you and your girlfriend make love, do you turn the lights off?
Awkward son, chuckling: No.
Husky dad: You mean you actually let her look at it?
Awkward son, chuckling again: Yeah.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Dave

Guess That Explains the Spiked Collar

Six-year-old boy: Can I pet your dog?
Hot girl: Sure, but she’s a little crazy.
Six-year-old boy: Ahhh, so is my sister [points to four-year-old]. Maybe they’re related!
Four-year-old sister: Grrr…

–14th & 7th

Overheard by: dan finnegan

Woody Allen's Genius Is Partly Remembering Conversations Like This

(dad playing with little kids on slide, son screams)
Mom: Just a minute, honey, daddy is too busy playing with other people's children.
Dad (coming over to son): And mommy is too busy being passive aggressive.

–Central Park Playground

Overheard by: Amused Babysitter

Beauty and the Beatdown

Daughter: Belle looks so beautiful.
Dad: I think your mom is prettier.
Mom: Oh, thanks, honey.
Guy behind them: Someone wants to get laid tonight.

—Beauty and the Beast showing

Overheard by: Amanda

Why Is She Telling Her Daughter a Horse ‘Fits’ Her?

Mother: So, if you could be any animal, which do you think would represent you the best? I think a horse fits you.
Daughter: What? A horse? No. I want to be a unicorn.
Mother: You’re mentally ill.

–Balthazar, Spring & Crosby

Overheard by: apples

Unless You Fancy a Midnight Arraignment in the Star Chamber

Female relative #1 to female relative #2: The problem with this family is that nobody communicates…Don’t tell anybody I said that!

–LIRR, Penn Station

Overheard by: ekercado

God Save the Burger King

British teen: Look Mum, it’s Wendy’s.
British Mom: Thank God, now I know where we are.
British teen: But it’s not the same Wendy’s as before.
British Mom: Then we’re lost.

–34th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Tina Marney

British guy #1: I can’t wait to go home!
British guy #2: Why’s that?
British guy #1: I never noticed before I came here that there is a sense of security in knowing 100% that the person behind the counter can tie their own shoelaces.

–Times Square

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