Janeane Garofalo: …so I just cover my whole body in Gold Bond powder.

–1st Ave. & 3rd St.

Comedy show ticket hawker: Hey, come to a comedy show. It will be fun! C’mon!
Gary Gulman: Dude, I’m Gary Gulman!

–Outside IFC Center, 6th Ave

Girl on cell: We got Chinese cable because it was cheaper than the cheap cable…Yeah, it’s all in Chinese…Whatever. As long as I watch things that I’ve already seen, I don’t need to actually know what they’re saying.

–N train, Astoria

Queer, on cell: Have you seen Victoria’s boyfriend lately? He looks great. She’s better than Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

–Eckerd, Astoria

Mother, to kids: Sorry we just missed the fireworks, guys. It’s okay, though. I TiVoed it at home just in case.

–79th St entrance, FDR

Tourist, after eagerly struggling for camera air-time: You know what, Ma, I don’t think we’re gonna be able to watch this — it only airs today.

–Taping of the Today Show, Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Stephen and Allison

Girl: Well, today they had a woman who was born a man who married a man who was born a woman, so don’t shit on Maury Povich!

–New York Public Library

Overheard by: Actually READING at the Library

Guy: Sweet Sixteen? That show makes me understand terrorism.

–114th & Broadway

Geek #1: I mean, who knew that Mickey Rourke could act?
Geek #2: Dude, yeah! I mean, he’s no Steve Guttenberg.

–Forbidden Planet, 13th Street

Female singer: Sorry about the delay. I had to pee, so I went.
Guy in audience: What did she say?
Friend: She had to pee. And she went.
Guy in Audience: Ohhh man. That’s awesome.

–Irving Plaza, Starlight Mints show

Carson Kressley, on cell: It was so worth being sober and well-behaved.

–elevator, Avenue of the Americas

Overheard by: SJB

Jessica Cutler: Twelve of my last sixteen boyfriends were Jewish.

–Happy Ending, Broome Street

Shoshana Bean: We keep messing up. God hates us!
Scott Alan: God hates us both. That’s awesome!

–The Duplex, Christopher Street

Overheard by: Thompson Patton

Old Jewess: That Suzanne Somers has some nerve. She is writing another diet book. I have a friend who has read all her diet books and every year she gets fatter and fatter.

–Music Box theatre, West 45th Street

Fratboy: She was like an ugly Paris Hilton, but not rich.

–C train

Overheard by: nicolette

Guy: I’m gonna beat you like an Olsen twin.

–68th & Columbus

Overheard by: Andrew Zar

Teen boy: Yo, I heard that Tupac was named after a Jewish holiday.

–Red Hook

Guy: Yeah, you know, that’s the great thing about the Kennedys: they get $1 off of every bottle of Scotch that they buy. You know, because their dad was a bootlegger and all.

–52 & Lexington