Our City is Better Than Yours, and Here’s Why

Subway comic: Ladies, special today is used pregnancy tests. I’ve got negative and positive. Gentlemen, you won’t need to go on Maury. I got Viagra Snickers bars, straight from the nursing home. And for all you people who lift weights, this just in: Barry Bonds’ used steroid needles. I’m here for one reason and one reason only, so dig deep in your wallet and pocketbook…Wooh! I got a dollar! I can buy a superbubble and some chips! For every $5 or $10 you give me, it takes me one step closer to college. For every $100 or $200 you give me, I won’t need college. My name is Crazy Jay! Look for me, and thanks for being nosey!

–D train

Posted on August 4, 2023
Comedians, Drugs, Hobos, Homeless, On the Subway, School and studying

At Least Wednesday One-Liners Are Pretty

Girl to friend: I wonder what’s the difference between hard tacos and soft tacos.

–Line at Taco Bell, Queens Mall Food Court

Overheard by: NTA

Guy talking to his friend: I don’t believe there is a first time for everything, but I do think there is a first time for anything.

–2nd St & Ave B

Overheard by: Max Berlinger

Girl on cell in hallway: She told me to get bacterial soap.

–Fordham University, Rose Hill

Overheard by: Krisztina ,who uses anti-bacterial

Subway comedian: My wife is so stupid. I told her to take the 2 train, she took the 1 twice. [Awkward silence follows. Comedian proceeds to dance around a subway pole pretending to be a stripper.]

–1 Train

Overheard by: Subway rider

Guy on cell: Dude, you’ve got to stop doing this "living paycheck to paycheck" thing because every time you get a check it’s like an emotional highway.

–Columbia University Campus

Overheard by: Alina

College girl, after closing a Nutella jar: I solved it! I solved the puzzle!

–Broome St

Overheard by: YJL

Posted on March 14, 2021
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Comedians, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Sorority Girls, Stupidity, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village, Words

And Take it From me, Comedy Shows Are No Fun!

Comedy show ticket hawker: Hey, come to a comedy show. It will be fun! C’mon!
Gary Gulman: Dude, I’m Gary Gulman!

–Outside IFC Center, 6th Ave

Posted on February 7, 2016
Celebrities, Comedians, D-List, People

Paris, Is That You?

Guy: So how come you were late today?
Girl: I really had to take a dump, otherwise my downward-facing dog was gonna be a non-housebroken one.

–Broadway & Houston

Overheard by: Daniel Motta

Posted on October 4, 2015
Comedians, Fitness, Gyms, Hipsters, Poop, The Village, Yoga

Not as Gay as Their Lame Material

Comedy Club guy: Hey, do you girls want to come to a great comedy show?
Girl: No thanks.
Comedy Club guy: Oh, no, not with me. I’m gay.

–Penn Station

Posted on July 12, 2015
Comedians, Gays and Lesbians, Penn Station

And It Was a Tragedy

Comedy promoter guy: Gentlemen, are you interested in seeing some comedy?
Guy: I’ve already seen your shitty show!

–78th & Broadway

Posted on April 26, 2015
Assholes, Comedians, Insults, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Twenty Drink Minimum

Promoter guy: Stand-up comedy! Are you interested in seeing some stand-up comedy tonight? Hey, I’m asking you a question.
Dude: Oh, no thanks.
Promoter guy: Oh, well, we also have stand-up misery.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Adam Robbins