Comedy guy: I like your accent. Where you from?
Tourist: Ohio.
Comedy guy: You sound disappointed.
Tourist: Have you ever been to Ohio?
Comedy guy: Good point.

–41st & Broadway

Perfume guy: Gucci! Gucci! Gucci’ll get you a hoochie!


Overheard by: alison

Woman selling belongings on street: Look here, deodorant! Brand new! One dollar.

–44th, between Lex & 3rd

Hawker with "Cheney/Satan ’08" bumper stickers: Inappropriate stickers here!

–Outside Grand Central

Musician to passerby eating cookie: If you like cookies, you’ll love my new album!

–9th & 6th

Overheard by: Gil

AM New York lady to another: Bitch, don’t be comin’ over here! AM New York, people — get your AM New York! Fuck you, you bitch, I been here since seven AM every day this week. Don’t be givin’ me that shit. Get your lazy ass off my corner ‘fore I cut you! Fuck you, bitch! Fuck you! AM New York, people, AM New York…

–Penn Station

Overheard by: BJ

Comedy hawker: Free bag of marijuana with your purchase! Yaaay!

–43rd & 7th

Overheard by: Sarah R

Stand-up comedy promoter: That’s right folks! I’m not scary.
Teen girl: Riiight.
Stand-up comedy promoter, screaming after her: I don’t bite! I don’t have rabies! I took medication, and they said I’d be okay!

–Outside MTV store

Guy accepting donations: Help feed the homeless! Even terrorists can help feed the homeless!

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: sugar ray mcgrath

Hobo: If you see an unattended bag or package, please report it to the nearest New York Police Officer or MTA worker. If one is not around, tell me. I’ll open that shit up.

–4 train, Fulton St

Overheard by: Laura

Hobo, to tourist family taking group photo: Terrorist! Terrorist! Terrorist!

–C Train, 72nd St

Overheard by: Barry P.

British tourist: But there were two Empire State buildings, right? That fell?

–WTC site

Overheard by: J Bird

Girl: Last night, I was so drunk I forgot about 9/11.


Overheard by: Bronwyn

Lady to nervous woman: Can I ask you a question? I ain’t a terrorist or nothin’. I’m from New Haven.

–111th & Broadway

Overheard by: Fudd

British bloke: You mean they don’t have any missiles here, in Manhattan?

–Grand & Broadway

Overheard by: jcm

Stephen Colbert: Coxsackie. It’s something that kids get when they eat their poop, or even worse, someone else’s poop. It’s highly contagious. For instance, in those playpens, with the plastic balls? Sometimes they lick the balls, and they get coxsackie…God, that sounded so wrong.

–The Colbert Report studio, 54th & 10th

Overheard by: future gyno

Mom: …so I was making a roast, but the thing was that I only had chicken stock gravy. Chicken stock gravy! So I used it! On the beef!
Chick: You live on the edge, Mom.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: djlindee

A guy stands up and vomits in the middle of the restaurant.

Guy #2: Seriously…you might wanna rethink this All-You-Can-Drink Sunday buffet.

–Candela, East 16th Street

Comedy Pamphlet man: Do you guys want to get drunk and laugh your asses off?
Guy: Sorry, we’re under 21.
Comedy Pamphlet man: How about some soda and a giggle?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Cody Wymore

A fat girl’s belly is pooling over the top of her jeans.

Guy: Hey, check out her muffin tops.
Girl: Dude, those aren’t muffin tops; they’re a whole cake explosion.

–N train

Overheard by: Tina

Woman: Can I get 2 pretzels to go?
Cart guy: To go? As opposed to what, eat in?

–Food cart, 52nd & 5th

Overheard by: Evan