NYU kid yelling to band from dorm window: Hey! You suck!
Singer at nice event: Uh, this is for charity.

–W 4th & MacDougal

Aspiring rapper: Hey guys, 'sup? Would you care to help a struggling rapper by buying my CD for $20?
Guy: Uh… I don't really want your album for $20.
Aspiring rapper: Could you hug me for $10 then?

–Times Square

Subway guitar player: This next song is for the Korean lady in the white coat sitting in front of me. Are you Korean?
Lady: No, I'm from Peru.
Subway guitar player: Oh, shit! I never met a Peru lady before.

–Uptown 2 Train

Guy: Oh, man! It is not a good day to be my underwear!

–Wine Store, 75th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Raven

10-year-old to little brother: Hey! C'mere! You wanna play Captain Underpants?


Overheard by: dogboy

Guy on cell: I'm not paying her to smell your underwear!

–57th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Lagsalot

Loud older gentleman watching people at subway entrance: They don't wear brassieres anymore!

–23rd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Zombie Boyfriend

Older lady in funeral procession behind bag piper wearing kilt: I looked. He's wearing underpants.

–120th & Broadway

Jazz dude #1: Where is Sun Ra buried?
Jazz dude #2: Dude… Road trip!

–Virgin Megastore, Union Square

Overheard by: Abram

Voice over employee's walkie-talkie: Okay, I really need those guns. Anyone who has one, I need it down in bridal.

–Bed Bath & Beyond

Obnoxious woman: So I said, "motherfucker, I'm not your sister–I'm your cousin. So I will shoot you."

–Uptown 2 Train

Large black man: If you ain't got no bullets, you gotsta melee!

–23rd St b/w 5th & 6th

Overheard by: Zach

Wannabe hip-hopper, trying to sell CD: It's clean music, and I ain't never shot no one!

–Union Square

20-something guy on cell: They got no right to bring up that gun charge, it's over ten years old!

–19th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Emily Davidson

Dude, after chatting to policewoman: I just have a thing for women in uniform! My mind says, "no, no, settle down," and my penis says, "but she's got a gun!"

–Hudson & Laight

Chick: Can I make a request?
DJ guy: Sure, if I got it….
Chick: Can you play some black music?
DJ guy: By “black music” you mean music performed by black people?
Chick: Yeah!
DJ guy: Do you mean Chuck Berry black music or, like, DMX black music?

–Motor City Bar, Ludlow Street

Overheard by: DR

Older, dirty-looking hobo: Hey, spare me some change, all I want tonight is a hooker and some malt liquor.

–Ave A & 4th St

20-something girl: Seriously! There is nothing better after a stressful day than stealing a car, picking up a hooker, taking her to the beach, fucking her, killing her, getting your money back and not getting arrested. Nothing!

–Underhill & St. Mark's, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Claire H.

Young woman to boss: If you don't give me more hours, I'mma have to start sellin' my pussy!


Overheard by: Holly

Subway musician in drag the night before Valentine's Day: Be with the one you love! If you don't have anyone, then hire somebody! And keep your receipt!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Morning Glory

Musician on train platform: Everything gonna be alright! Get home safe, New York. Remember: if you see something, say something, don't keep it to yourself. And remember, New York, if you can't be with the one you love, pay someone! Keep all the receipts. I know what I'm talking about.

–B Train

Overheard by: Free Love

Subway musician to drunk guy puking: Hey! Come on, asshole, take a cab, this is my place of work!
Drunk guy: You know what, why don't you pay for my cab to Queens and get a real job while you're at it?

–7 Train

Very loud man on cell to Mexican musicians: Can you tone your music down? I'm trying to talk here!

–E Train

Overheard by: Robyn Z