Wednesday One-Liners Still Miss the Crocodile Hunter

Girl on iPhone: It's not like he's gone and, y'know, rescuing cheetahs…

–Astoria

Lone hobo: Thanks, god… for goats, people and buses.

–Manhattan Bridge

Woman on phone: Hi, honey. Did you find the frogs with the red eyes? (pause) Oh, do you think your mom will like the quail? (pause) It's 30% off, right?

–Lincoln Center

Subway drummer: This next one is called "moose call." it goes, "yo, moose!" (pause) Hey, I didn't write it, I just made it popular.

–Shuttle to Times Square

Overheard by: Media addict

French man: It's like doing a horse. Kick him in the ass and he will kick you right back.

–Long Island City

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on June 9, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Ass, Astoria, Body Parts, Family Ties, Foreigners, Girls, God, Hobos, Kick, Long Island, Money & Class, Musicians, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday Does One-Liners Like It's His Job

Woman on cell: Ugh, no I can't. I've been at work, I'm totally wasted.

–Outside Penn Station

Whiny American Apparel employee to new recruit: You're not allowed to chew gum on the floor, you can't wear UGGs to work… You have to be 100% American Apparel.

–Downtown F Train

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Subway musician to dude walking by with guitar on his back: Get a real job! (pause) I always wanted to say that to someone.

–S Train

Female suit to make suit: So, is your work still sticky like mine?

–Port Authority

Overheard by: quiet commuter

Posted on May 12, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Food, Jobs & Careers, Musicians, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Port Authority, Strangers, Suits, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

In New York, Even a Compliment Can Get You Beaten Up

Doo-wop busker: Hey man, anyone ever tell you that you look just like Wynton Marsalis?
Black guy who does actually look like Wynton Marsalis: Who?
White woman: Oh! Yeah, he does!
Doo-wop busker: Yeah, am I right? Wynton Marsalis, in the flesh.
Black guy: I don't even know who that is.
Doo-wop busker: Jazz trumpet, man. Genius.
White woman: He's a wonderful musician. You should look him up!
Black guy: Uh, sure. What was the name again?
Doo-wop busker: Wyn-ton. Mar-sa-lis. They ever make a movie of his life, you got it made.

–R Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on April 19, 2010
About Celebrities, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Movies, Music, Musicians, Names, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, White People

Great– Now Can You Say That through Jazz?

Stringy black jazz singer #1, watching BBW woman squeezed into barbie-pink tiny jeans: Damn!!!
Stringy black jazz singer #2: Oh mah gawddd!
Stringy black jazz singer #1: Daaaaaammmnnnn!!!
Stringy black jazz singer #2: Ooooooohh maaaahhh gaaaawwwwwddddd!

–Washington Square Arch

Posted on February 2, 2010
Beauty, Black People, Horny, Languages, Musicians, Physical appearance, Washington Square Park

The Equally Unpleasant Male Equivalent Of a “Little Dick” Insult

Aspiring street musician: Hey, lady! Wanna buy my CD?
Lady: Nope! That shit's rap and I only like R&B!
Aspiring street musician: Yeah, well, maybe you shouldn't be outside with your pussy smelling like that!

–Outside Macy's

Overheard by: Nick Spiller

Posted on December 27, 2009
Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, For Sale, Music, Musicians, Offers and requests, Sensory Experiences, Strangers, Street, Vagina

Wednesday One-Liners Have Nothing to Lose But Their Chains

Bearded male hipster on cell: My clit is so stimulated right now! (pause) The communists are attacking! (pause) This is awkward.

–Grassroots Bar

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Guy playing guitar: Look on the bright side, at least we don't have to wait in line for toilet paper anymore. Fucking communists.

–L Train

Overheard by: Milt

Man, seeing another man carrying large box of cereal from warehouse store: That's the biggest box of Cheerios I've seen since we lived on the commune!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Janine

Young, normally-dressed guy, to no one in particular: Your President is a commie scumbag, and he owes me money.

–23rd St b/w 5th & 6th

Posted on October 21, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Food, Gender issues, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Men, Money & Class, Musicians, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Politics, President, Private Parts, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Yo Soy Wednesday-One-Liner!

Hobo with guitar, singing: My girl! That white girl is my girl! She may look like Brooke Shields but she's my girl! My girl! Oooh-ooh… Come on, everybody, sing with me, Puerto Ricans, too!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Tater

Drunk Puerto Rican father to man on train, yelling: The capital of Puerto Rico is the Bronx, bitch!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Alice Dalice

Guy, about some girls: I tried to tell them I was Puerto Rican, but they kept saying I was from Spain and called me a douchebag.

–East Village

Overheard by: NYCGlamDiva

Diner waitress: Just because he's Puerto Rican don't mean he's a cheetah.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: monkey girl

Asian girl to Hispanic guy: Come on! She's, like, the Puerto Rico of Asia!

–Jamba Juice, Mercer & Houston

Posted on September 16, 2009
About Celebrities, Animals & Nature, Asians, Baristas, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Drunks, Foreigners, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Latinos, Musicians, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Passengers, Physical appearance, Puerto Ricans, Restaurants & Cafes, Singing, Soho, Stupidity, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

Because I'm Thinking About Going Straight Edge

Emo band boy to groupie hooking up with another band member: Ew! Gross guys, you guys are right next to me!
Groupie: You wanna join?
Emo band boy: So… then you two aren't exclusive?

–Metro North Train

Overheard by: NotAGroupie

Posted on August 16, 2009
Biotechs, Hook Ups, Musicians, Offers and requests, Promiscuity, Questions, Trains Not Subway

Wednesday One-Liners Call It “Direct Marketing”

Guy selling city maps, singing to beat of nearby music: Who needs a map? Who needs a map? It's not a trap!

–Central Park

Ghetto guy selling knockoff perfumes on street: Don't ask me where I got em' from, just get em' before the police come. I got DKNY, my mami J.Lo… Get em' folks! Get em'

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: Alli

Street vendor to customer examining knockoff purses: Hurry it up. I need money.

–Madison & 59th St

Overheard by: Jennifer

Wannabe hip hop artist: Y'all like hip hop? Please look at my CDs. Miss, you have a beautiful forehead. Please buy my CD.

–Times Square

Guy handing out fliers: Hey! You guys like vagina?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Brett

Posted on July 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compliments, Cops, Customers, Fakes, Flyer people, Guys, Knock-Offs, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Music, Musicians, Offers and requests, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Singing, Street, Times Square, Vagina, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

I Think I Saw This Short at the Cannes Film Festival

Blue collar guy to random guy holding a musical instrument: I wish I had a harpsichord. I'd put on an old fashioned movie and play it in the dark. You wouldn't even need a drink!
Musical guy: A drink wouldn't hurt.
Blue collar guy: No, it wouldn't. (takes a bottle of rum out of his pocket and takes a swig)

–N Train

Overheard by: Pretending to listen to her music

Posted on May 31, 2009
Blue-collar workers, Drinking & Drunk People, Instruments, Movies, Musicians, On the Subway, Wishes & desires

Musicians