Musicians

Aspiring street musician: Hey, lady! Wanna buy my CD?
Lady: Nope! That shit's rap and I only like R&B!
Aspiring street musician: Yeah, well, maybe you shouldn't be outside with your pussy smelling like that!

–Outside Macy's

Overheard by: Nick Spiller

Bearded male hipster on cell: My clit is so stimulated right now! (pause) The communists are attacking! (pause) This is awkward.

–Grassroots Bar

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Guy playing guitar: Look on the bright side, at least we don't have to wait in line for toilet paper anymore. Fucking communists.

–L Train

Overheard by: Milt

Man, seeing another man carrying large box of cereal from warehouse store: That's the biggest box of Cheerios I've seen since we lived on the commune!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Janine

Young, normally-dressed guy, to no one in particular: Your President is a commie scumbag, and he owes me money.

–23rd St b/w 5th & 6th

Hobo with guitar, singing: My girl! That white girl is my girl! She may look like Brooke Shields but she's my girl! My girl! Oooh-ooh… Come on, everybody, sing with me, Puerto Ricans, too!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Tater

Drunk Puerto Rican father to man on train, yelling: The capital of Puerto Rico is the Bronx, bitch!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Alice Dalice

Guy, about some girls: I tried to tell them I was Puerto Rican, but they kept saying I was from Spain and called me a douchebag.

–East Village

Overheard by: NYCGlamDiva

Diner waitress: Just because he's Puerto Rican don't mean he's a cheetah.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: monkey girl

Asian girl to Hispanic guy: Come on! She's, like, the Puerto Rico of Asia!

–Jamba Juice, Mercer & Houston

Emo band boy to groupie hooking up with another band member: Ew! Gross guys, you guys are right next to me!
Groupie: You wanna join?
Emo band boy: So… then you two aren't exclusive?

–Metro North Train

Overheard by: NotAGroupie

Guy selling city maps, singing to beat of nearby music: Who needs a map? Who needs a map? It's not a trap!

–Central Park

Ghetto guy selling knockoff perfumes on street: Don't ask me where I got em' from, just get em' before the police come. I got DKNY, my mami J.Lo… Get em' folks! Get em'

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: Alli

Street vendor to customer examining knockoff purses: Hurry it up. I need money.

–Madison & 59th St

Overheard by: Jennifer

Wannabe hip hop artist: Y'all like hip hop? Please look at my CDs. Miss, you have a beautiful forehead. Please buy my CD.

–Times Square

Guy handing out fliers: Hey! You guys like vagina?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Brett

Blue collar guy to random guy holding a musical instrument: I wish I had a harpsichord. I'd put on an old fashioned movie and play it in the dark. You wouldn't even need a drink!
Musical guy: A drink wouldn't hurt.
Blue collar guy: No, it wouldn't. (takes a bottle of rum out of his pocket and takes a swig)

–N Train

Overheard by: Pretending to listen to her music

Band member #1: I'm feeling a little like Calvin and Hobbes with this cardboard time machine here.
Band member #2: I don't know what you're talking about.

–Ars Nova, W 54th St

Overheard by: Emily B.

Man on cell: You know I can't come over, I'm a daddy now! I have a dog! He needs me 24/7. I can't leave his sight, not even for a second! I'm just out for a moment to buy him some food, but other than that…

–Crosstown Bus

Souvenir seller: Get your doggy diary! Get your puppy program! Get your beagle bible! Get your bulldog blog!

–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden

Man at payphone: They tried to catch the hero dog, but he ran away.

–107 & West End

Overheard by: kdub

Half tone-deaf guy with guitar, singing: I'll marry you for your Green card, but I'll sleep with your sister cause she's prettier than you. She's 75 years old, never been touched by a man, let alone a dog…

–1 Train

Overheard by: CreateEvity

Man leaning out of car, to man walking Schnauzer: Excuse me…that's a Marmaduke?

–3rd Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jeff S.

Woman on cell: If I don't get a dog soon I'm totally going to get pregnant.

–Wall Street

Man passing by window of chorus room: You can all suck my dick!
Chorus conductor, out window: Oh, you have one?

–Stuyvesant High School

Man walking in to immigration center to immigration security guard: You look very elegant today.

–Immigration Application Support Center, Queens

Lady: Oh my gosh, Casey looks so good! You would never know that he's blind!

–W 20th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Katie AK

Slightly tipsy elderly suit: Do you know where I can find a beautiful woman? Someone to spend the rest of my life with?

–Metropolitan Museum Info Desk

A Capella group leader, walking into train: Ladies and gentlemen, happy Thursday. We are a Doo Whop group and we are here to entertain you. If you like what you hear, show us some love. If you are miserable, hell, add more fiber to your diet. This Sunday, we will be saluting the best-looking people on the subway. Have a fiberrific day!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Em Allears

Ghetto black chick after someone took a picture of her: Did you get all the beautifulness?

–Saks Fifth Avenue

Overheard by: gregumsdagreggy