Teen Girl 1: Omigod, she totally promised to stay after and help me take audition pictures, and she bailed on me.
Teen Girl 2: Yeah, she’s like the French: “Ve vill help you America! Zhust kidding…ve have to go drink coffee and eat croissants now!”
–Lincoln Center
Guy, 20s: Umm…the half & half curdled when I put it in my coffee.
McWorker: You want a napkin?
Guy, 20s: No, I want another coffee. The half and half curdled.
The McWorker pours him a new one and yells to someone way in the back: There’s something wrong with the cups!
–McDonald’s, Flatbush Ave & Snyder St
Yuppie chick: Remember when I showed you that e-mail and it was like one big nervous laugh? He was talking like that, a mile a minute, and I asked, “Are you supercaffeinated?” “No,” he said, he gave up coffee. And he’s like, “So, what are you doing?” And he invited me out to MoMA with Sara, his girlfriend. How awkward would I be? So I basically bailed at that point. So he’s like, “The next time we’re in the city is the 29th for the opera.”
–D train
Guy #1, with thick Long Island accent: What is the plural for “coffee”?
Guy #2: Just put an “s” on it. “Coffees.” Same as with “sheep.” I think it is the same because of the two “e”s.
–40th St & 5th Ave
Guy: I will have a coffee.
Waitress: We don’t have anything hot.
Guy: Then an iced coffee, please?
–New York Comedy Club, East 24th Street
Overheard by: Eric Kuhn
Brunette sister: Ally did turn into a slut in college!
Blonde sister: She's our sister!
Brunette sister: She's getting more than we did in college! Although I got more than you.
Blonde sister: Yeah, probably. I'm paying for the lattes.
–Starbucks, Bryant Park
Woman: Um, excuse me but there’s no sugar at either station.
Barista girl: There’s no sugar. We ran out.
Woman: None?
Barista girl: No, they ain’t got any on 42nd either.
–Starbucks, 43rd & 8th
20-something: Can I get an eggnog steamer cut with skim? Is that possible?
Barista: Ma’am, anything’s possible. Next!
–Starbucks, Times Square
20-something woman: Do you have decaffeinated tea?
Waitress: Yes.
20-something woman: Does it have caffeine in it?
Waitress: No?
–86th & York
Overheard by: Silently Amused
White male customer: I want a small black coffee.
East Indian female cashier: Do you want cream and sugar in that?
White male customer: No, I want it black.
East Indian female cashier: Black?
White male customer, pointing at picture of black man in ad on the wall: Yes, black! I want it to look like that guy!
–Dunkin’ Donuts, 53rd & Lex
Overheard by: next in line
