Wednesday Off-the-Rack-Liners

20-something man on cell: I just bought another Transformers t-shirt. That means I am one Transformers t-shirt away from being able to only wear Transformers t-shirts.

–9th Ave & 45th St

Overheard by: Serena

Male art teacher: What's wrong with chiffon? If I were home right now, I would be wearing chiffon.

–Hunter College High School

Bar owner to college kid wearing suit: Look atchu all dressed up. What, are you goin' on a game show or somethin?

–Citi Bar

Overheard by: Lulu

20-something girl on cell: You should've known when you liked his clothes that he was going to be overly emotional. No one who dresses that good can hold it all together.

–Locker Room, Crunch Gym

Guy to group of friends: Yeah, so I said to him, "Mike, it's a problem when you wearin' the same clothes as your daughter.'"

–5th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Sue

Posted on August 14, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Bosses, Clothing, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Guys, Gyms, Home, Sweet Home, Hunter, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Pop Culture, Questions, Shopping, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, TV, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

I Knew La Cosa Nostra Had to Be Involved

Little girl: Hey! Come over here!
Coffee guy: I can’t! I’m working! Why don’t you come over here?
Little girl: I can’t! I’ve got family here!
Manager lady: Hey, so does he! All our workers are family here!

–Starbucks, Union Square SE

Overheard by: Chris R

Posted on August 7, 2015
Bosses, Family Ties, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Offers and requests, Starbucks, Talking/Convos, Vendors & Street Performers

Wednesday One-Liner: The World's Oldest Profession

Older, dirty-looking hobo: Hey, spare me some change, all I want tonight is a hooker and some malt liquor.

–Ave A & 4th St

20-something girl: Seriously! There is nothing better after a stressful day than stealing a car, picking up a hooker, taking her to the beach, fucking her, killing her, getting your money back and not getting arrested. Nothing!

–Underhill & St. Mark's, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Claire H.

Young woman to boss: If you don't give me more hours, I'mma have to start sellin' my pussy!

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Holly

Subway musician in drag the night before Valentine's Day: Be with the one you love! If you don't have anyone, then hire somebody! And keep your receipt!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Morning Glory

Musician on train platform: Everything gonna be alright! Get home safe, New York. Remember: if you see something, say something, don't keep it to yourself. And remember, New York, if you can't be with the one you love, pay someone! Keep all the receipts. I know what I'm talking about.

–B Train

Overheard by: Free Love

Posted on August 1, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Bosses, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Hobos, Jobs & Careers, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murder, Musicians, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Prostitution, Sex, Street, Thievery, Time, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Until My Message Is Heard

Assistant: Probably not, I don’t see them as Miracle Whip people.
Boss: How many times do you have to tell that story?

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: Dave

Posted on July 30, 2015
9 to 5-ers, Bosses, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Food, Gripes, Manhattan, Murray Hill and Gramercy

Same Thing Happened to Me at a Strip Club. True Story

Pet shop owner: Don't touch the puppies!
Girl: He touched me!
Pet shop owner: He can't read. The sign is there for you.

–Pet Shop

Posted on June 28, 2015
Bosses, Girls, Man's Best Friend, Store, Weirdness

Cuba Gooding Jr: “Show Me the Wednesday One-Liner!”

CEO on phone: Fuck you! Just get me the things I need to make money.

–12th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jeremy

Older man wearing yarmulke, screaming into cell: Hi! I think I left a check for $19,000 in the armoire, can you check if its there? (pause) Oh, good! I was so worried! I will deposit it tomorrow! (pause) Yeah! I'm going over the bridge! (pause) Okay? I gotta go! Bye!

–Q Train

Frustrated girl on cell: I've only got a metro card and $20! I can't take the bus!

–85th & Columbus

Overheard by: Jesse D

Female student: My dad didn't pay two $200,000 for me to be a bartender.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Greg

Singing hobo: I work hard for the money, I work hard for the money, so you better work hard for me!

–W 4th St

Overheard by: DRC

Bursar office attendant: All we do is take yo money.

–Pratt Institute

Posted on March 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bosses, Central Park, Clerks, College, Girls, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Office politics, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Public Transportation, Singing, Street, Students, Stupidity, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

But I Think It Involves Enema Kits and Dionne Warwick

Manager: Gary, you serious, you need to go to the bathroom?
Cashier: I need to take, like, a number 4 right now.
Manager: Ew!
Cashier: I don't even know what that means.

–Duane Reade

Posted on March 10, 2015
Bosses, Cashiers, Duane Reade, Health and Hygiene, Pee, Poop, Questions, Words

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST

Copy boy: Mr. Murdoch on the line.

The news editor on duty picks up the phone.

News editor: Right. Right. OK…Source? No source…Right…It’s Gephardt. OK.

–NY Post Offices

Posted on March 8, 2015
9 to 5-ers, About Celebrities, Bosses, News, Politics, Post Office

Though I've Heard George Washington Had a Hell Of a Farmer's Tan

Principal: And can anyone tell me what is so significant about Barack Obama becoming president today?
Five-year-old: He's the first brown president.

–P.S. 290

Overheard by: TA who hears everything

Posted on March 4, 2015
Bosses, Colors, Elementary & Middle School, Kids, President, Questions, Race, School, Upper East Side

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Not Hot for Teacher

Teacher: Some of the answer choices people picked were really out there. I probably could've put peanut butter and jelly, and people would think, "Oh, damn, I'm hungry, I should pick that."

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Student

Teacher: Guys, no matter what happens, if you're absent on a test day you must bring in a note! I don't care if you're walking to school and suddenly the ground opens up and you're sucked into candyland–I need a note!

–LaGuardia High School

Overheard by: a note of chocolate?

Acoustics teacher: This only emphasizes how little I know about acoustics. Or rather, how little is known about acoustics.

–Cooper Union, Astor Place

Overheard by: a student is only as good as his t eacher

Teacher to little boy: You ain't gonna die just cause your leg got sprinkled on!

–L Train

Overheard by: Misshellee

Principal: I can see what you're doing…with this bouncing and the little hand on your hip…you're trying to undermine my authority with your bad posture, I can see exactly what you think of my administration.

–Bard High School Early College

Posted on February 27, 2015
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Body Parts, Bosses, Death, Education, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Kids, On the Subway, One-liners, School and studying, Science, Street, Students, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

Bosses