Post Office

Thug #1: Yo, son, yo’ face looks like a fucked-up pony, son!
Thug #2: Shit, son.

–Post office, 60th St

Small Jewish woman on the phone: Hey, so sorry, I'm running late. I'm just leaving my house now. I woke up with a horrible cold…
Post office worker: Miss?
Small Jewish woman on the phone: Oh wait… It's my turn… I'm actually in line at the post office… Oh and when I see you, absolutely no hugs, I am very contagious!

–Post Office, London Terrace

Overheard by: wish I had a bottle of purel

Man in a full-length fur coat: “I’m a socialist monarchist. I believe in helping the people, but the people can’t help themselves.”

— W 83rd Post Office

Guy waiting on passport line: I'd like an expedited passport.
Postal worker: Oooh! Going anywhere fun?
Guy: Florida.

–Post Office, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: BLSwhatwhat

[A woman creates her own line and walks up to the counter.]Postal employee: Ma’am, you have to wait in line.
Latino woman: I was in the esspress line.
Postal employee: We don’t serve espresso here ma’am, this is the post office.
Latino woman: What? You think I’m stoopid? I have less than ten items.
Postal employee: There is no express line at the post office, please wait in line like the other people.
Latino woman: Oh… I see how it is.
Postal employee: Happy holidays, ma’am.
Latino woman: Fuck you too.

–Post Office, 14th Street & Avenue A

Overheard by: texmorgan

Guy: Why is that package open?
Clerk: I can’t open it.
Guy: It’s already opened, why is it open?
Clerk: Sir, I’m not allowed to open it. If you want it, sign the card.
Guy: I want to know why it’s open, is anything in it?
Clerk: I can’t open it.

3 minutes of this ensue.

Guy: Just give me the stupid package.
Clerk: Why are you still talking?

–Sunnyside post office

Old woman, putting stamps on envelope: I wish they would change the picture on these…
Middle aged woman: Frank Sinatra?
Old woman: Oh god, not that creep!

–Post Office, Stuyvesant

Overheard by: flat rate box

Black postman #1: Kiss my black ass!
Black postman #2: How do you know that it’s black?

–Forest Hills post office

Six-year-old to guy stranger while hiding behind mother on cell: Hi.
20-something guy: Hello…
Six-year-old, grabbing guy’s hand: Hi.
20 something guy, confused: Hello…
Six-year-old to mom: I picked one!
Mom: You picked what? No! I told you that you could pick out the stamps, not a person! Put him back!

–Post office

Overheard by: Put back

Man needing help: I need to get my passport renewed before I leave for a trip out of the country next week.
Lady at post office: We can expedite it, and you can have your new passport in two weeks.
Man needing help: But I'll be back from my trip to Mexico in less than two weeks.
Lady at post office: Well, we can expedite it and you'll get your passport back in two weeks.

–Post Office, Grand Central

Overheard by: Adam Lazarus