Psychic

New Yorkers: As Seen on TV

Woman #1: Excuse me, does the N train stop at Central Park?
Woman #2: Lady, go ask a fucking crystal ball, or learn how to read a damn subway map.

–Union Square station

Overheard by: Craig D

A truck driver is parked on the side of the road, honking at what appears to be nothing at all. A female pedestrian shoots him a dirty look.

Truck driver: Nobody’s honking at you, you dumb bitch!

–Bay Ridge

Tourist: Which way is the Empire State Building?
Newspaper vendor: What do I look like, a fuckin’ road map?

–outside Grand Central

Overheard by: Dork

A trendy guy walked out into oncoming traffic, forcing an SUV to slam on the brakes. The driver screamed out of his open window: The hell you think you are, my hood ornament?

–40th & 7th

Nothing Says Healthy Relationship Like Self-Loathing

Jamaican girl: You know what I think about a lot? I think I must have been white in my past life, but I must have done something really, really horrible to get stuck in this black body.
Boyfriend: Jeez, you do think about that a lot.
Jamaican girl: Oh, not 90 percent of the time. Just 10 percent.

–Subway to Archer Ave

Overheard by: Just a girl

That'll Be Five Dollars, Please

Crazy old lady: You're gonna have a bad year.
Guy: Thank you.
Crazy old lady: You're gonna have very bad luck… you could be in the next 9/11.

–7th Ave & 36th St

He Gained His Power from the Almighty Gosh

Hobo: Can you spare some change?…Fine, you 8th graders!
Tween girl: Oh my gosh, he’s psychic!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Amanda

The Psychic Already Knows

Girl: Oh my god, I have to tell you something but you cannot, absolutely tell anybody else! You swear?
Queer: Oh my god, yes. I promise it’s just between you, my psychic and my shrink!

–50th & 9th

Get Outta His Way When He Finds Out the Truth about Santa…

Guy with fliers: Psychic readings! Only 10 dollars! Psychic readings!
Realist: Yo man, if that bitch knows where the money at, why don’t she go get it herself?
Guy, dropping fliers: Word! I’m going to go ask that bitch now!

–Union Square

Headline by: Allison

Runners-Up:

· “He’s a regular Nostra-Dumbass” – Smellface

· “I see dead presidents!” – The Amazing Gotcharocksoff

· “Miss Cleo: Your First Card Is Sucker, The 3 Of Sheisters” – the ace of spades

· “That Takes a Pair of Crystal Balls.” – DanK

· “We ALL saw that coming” – JP

· “While You’re There, Ask Her Where The Leprechaun At” – wookie


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Criminal Masterminds Psychic Bitch and Midget Indian Hulk Went on to Fleece the Entire City

Girl: That psychic bitch stole our money!
Boy: She told me I was insecure!
Girl: That midget Indian hulk lied to me. He told me palm reading was real!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: rafferty

I Eat Cannibals

An old lady is crossing the street with a small dachshund. As they approach Gray’s Papaya, the woman looks down and asks: Jimmy, did you say you wanted a hot dog?

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Jonathan

As a Hologram-American, I Get That a Lot.

Street fair psychic to sorority girls walking by: Hello, ladies. Can I interest you in a psychic reading? Tarot cards? Palm reading?
Sorority girl: I'm sorry, I don't believe in psychics.
Street fair psychic: Well, I don't believe in you!

–Union Square

Wednesdays Become One-Liner With the Universe

Young child to mother: I am not psychic.

–Downtown B Train

Overheard by: furf

Normal-looking guy: But we have the complexity of magic!

–NYU

Asian Bikram instructor: Listen to your breast and find your inner piss.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Bikram Curious

Thug on cell: You don't know what kind of drugs they gave you, or if you really blacked out. But you have to understand that the spiritual world and the physical world are two different things. (pause) I don't have evidence of a spiritual world. (pause) You know that guy Des-cart? That's his name, right?

–Hunter College

Overheard by: trapped@hunter

Guy on phone: Listen, Julian, you are a shit-ass excuse for a friend. You can lick the peanut butter from between my toes. (pause) Listen, Julian, I'm on the other line with my psychic, let me call you back.

–49th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Lara

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