I Always Appreciate Good Classical Form

Girl #1: Did you see those two homeless men fighting by the subway?
Girl #2: I know! That was horrible!
Girl #1: Yeah. I was rooting for the guy in blue.
Girl #2: Really? I was going for the other one.

–Chelsea

Posted on October 9, 2017
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Colors, Fighting and ass kicking, Girls, Homeless, Questions, Weirdness

Wish I Could Say the Same

Girl #1: I can’t believe you fucked him in my bed!
Girl #2: Well, I made sure that he didn’t cum on your sheets!
Girl #1: How thoughtful of you.

–Rivington & Allen

Overheard by: Snorted through my nose

Posted on July 30, 2017
Bimbettes, Chinatown, Comebacks, Cum, Fighting and ass kicking, Girls, Sex

Them’s Fightin’ Wednesday One-Liners

Guy to other guy: You might be dead and I might be in jail, but I’ll still kick yo ass.

–Vanderbilt Ave near Grand Central

Posted on May 1, 2016
Death, Fighting and ass kicking, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Prison

Worst Umpire Ever

Little girl: Mommy, my ears hurt!
Mom: That’s your third strike! I said stop!

She hits her daughter.

Little girl: That didn’t hurt.
Mom: I will kill you right now, don’t tell me that didn’t hurt.

–LaGuardia

Overheard by: Zeve

Posted on March 4, 2016
At the Airport, Family Ties, Fighting and ass kicking, Kids, Moms, Violence

Paging Pat Benatar

Young urban male: He didn’t hit you hard enough.
Young urban female: Yes, he did.
Young urban male: No, he hit you soft. *BAF*
Young urban female: The last time he hit me, he hit me mad hard.

–D Train

Posted on August 11, 2015
Black People, Fighting and ass kicking, On the Subway, Violence

If You Give Them Too Much Attention, the Terrorists Win

Girlfriend, pointing at the base of a tree: Look! Look! There’s a rat and a squirrel fighting!
Boyfriend: No!
Girlfriend: Yes there is! Look! There’s a fucking rat attacking that squirrel!
Boyfriend: Shhhh. Don’t talk about the rats. Don’t pay attention to them.
Girlfriend, pointing at passerby: Look at her, she saw them! She knows what I’m talking about.
Boyfriend: Ignore the rats.

–Washington Square Park East

Posted on August 7, 2015
Advice, Animals & Nature, Boyfriends, Default, Fighting and ass kicking, Girlfriends, Offers and requests, Washington Square Park, Weirdness

Fast Times at Wednesday One-Liners

Teacher: My father always told me, "Never run away from a fight. If the guy's bigger than you, hit him. If he gets back up, hit him again. If he gets back up again, hit him with a garbage can. If he still gets back up, run like hell, 'cause this dude's gonna kill you!"

–Stuyvesant High School

Teacher: Okay. Emergency procedures. If the fire bell rings, we run like hell.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Goober

Chinese teacher (referring to Sichuan earthquake): They had a saying after the earthquake happened that originates from a male part. "People are supposed to rise up, and get hard!" …and be strong.

–Bard High School Early College

Math teacher: Give me your little men!

–Spence School

English teacher: I could be charged with child abuse in some states for teaching grammar in 90-degree weather. (student is silent) I'm not going to hit you.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie