Street vendor: Hey, you married?
Woman: No.
Street vendor: Hmph. Me neither. If we were married, I would buy you a bag. Since we’re not, it will cost you $5.
–33rd & 6th
Overheard by: Mary Beth Hanlon
Street vendor: Hey, you married?
Woman: No.
Street vendor: Hmph. Me neither. If we were married, I would buy you a bag. Since we’re not, it will cost you $5.
–33rd & 6th
Overheard by: Mary Beth Hanlon
Yelling wife: You made a promise. You're my husband.
Husband: Can we do this later?
Yelling wife: No, I made the worst mistake of my life marrying you. Take your ring… go.
–F Train
Girl #1: Yeah, we're engaged. He got me the ring and all, but I'm like, “it's going to be like ten years until we actually get married.”
Girl #2: Oh, true.
Girl #1: I need to drop pre-calculus. It's too hard and it's going to lower my GPS.
–Uptown E Train
Overheard by: Nicole Yan
Brotha #1, rocking out to Taylor Swift on iPhone: Why do you even have this on your phone?
Brotha #2: Cuz I'm gonna marry a white girl, that's why.
–2 Train
30-something #1: What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?
30-something #2: Getting high and masturbating.
30-something #1: Man, married life is great.
–Palladium Gym, NYU
Headline by: Pseudonym
Runners-Up:
· “Because she’s out shopping for a vibrator” – trish
· “He celebrates Palm Sunday the same way” – Kate
· “He’s An Up & Comer” – Rod W
· “Little Johnny took the comeback “If you love it so much, why don’t you marry it?” a little too seriously.” – Cloud
· “When Harry Met Righty” – Vasyl
Suit #1: How long have you lived here?
Suit #2: How old are you? Probably longer than you have been alive.
Suit #1: Born and raised in New York, huh?
Suit #2: No, a farm in PA. Got the fuck out of there, though. Met a girl from New York–well actually, Long Island–married her and moved out here. Thought she had money. Yeah…fooled the shit out of me.
Suit #3: Ha, you were that close to being better than all of us.
–Wall & Water
Woman #1: My husband starts law school in august.
Woman #2: Oh? Which one?
Woman #1, rolling eyes: I only have one husband.
–Wedding, Williamsburg
Blonde in convertible: Hey, cutie!
Suit: (turns around briefly, keeps walking)
Blonde: Hey! With the nice ass, we were talking to you!
Suit, walking back to convertible: Yes?
Blonde: My friend here thinks you're cute and wants your number.
Suit: Uh… I'm flattered, but I have a fiancee, so I'll pass.
Brunette driver: I didn't ask if you were single, I said you had a nice ass and I want your number.
Suit: Again, thanks, but no.
Brunette: How about I give you mine?
Blonde: You know, for when the marriage doesn't work out.
Suit: Yeah, no. But you girls have a great day.
–3rd Ave & 46th St
Girl: I can’t complain because we’re not married — then I can complain all I want.
–Iron Sushi
14-year-old girl to mom: If you had married that other guy I would have been so much taller!
–70th & Lex
Overheard by: Evelyn
Hobo to bystander: You’re gonna marry a woman and not know she’s a government agent? How retarded can you get?!
–Queens-bound V train
Chick: What you’re saying is, he couldn’t afford the wastebasket so he got a wife?
–140th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
20-ish chick on cell: I don’t care! He has chubby fingers… I’m still not going to marry him.
–97th & Broadway
Professor: Will you marry me?! Your father is dead!
–NYU
Cocktail waitress #1: Wait… isn't he gay?
Cocktail waitress #2: No, he's married.
Cocktail waitress #1: Oh, I guess I was mistaking his Jewishness for gayness.
–Thom Bar
