Customer: Got anything to kill a mouse?
Clerk: Hammer!
Customer: Yeah, tried that.

–True Value Hardware Store, Carroll Gardens

Overheard by: I Prefer A Circular Saw

Chick: Ugh! These aren’t even cold! I can’t believe this! Who’s the manager? I said, who’s the manager? Well, where is he?
Deli guy: Uh, over there.
Chick: Look! Look at these drinks! How do you expect me to drink these? They aren’t even cold!
Manager guy: We just put them in there.
Chick: I don’t care! I want a cold drink now!
Manager guy: I’m sorry you’re upset but it’s very hot today and we’re selling drinks faster than we can restock them.
Chick: I don’t care! I expect you to find me something cold to drink!

–Marche Madison, 74th & Madison

Overheard by: sarahg

Chick on cell: So, when are you going to watch the fireworks? Like, in the evening?

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Andy Travis

Woman: Excuse me, where are the literary journals?
B&N Guy: Them’s over there.

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Cashier: Do you want your receipt?
Customer: Yeah, I guess. (pauses to read as she walks to the exit) I love it when my books cost less than my lunch!

–The Strand

Overheard by: Suzanne

Father: Will you be in tomorrow?
Techie #1: Unfortunately, no, sir.
Father: Well, then who will I yell at if anything goes wrong with the computer?
Techie #2: You could always yell at me, sir!
Daughter, uncertain: … Do you… like to be yelled at?

–Circuit City, Union Square

Bargain basement shopper: It said “Dark Knight” on the cover.
Perplexed friend: So you bought it?
Bargain basement shopper: Hell yeah. You can't beat crackhead prices.

–F Train

Overheard by: KP Whitey

Chubby girl customer: So, no fights in here today?
Middle-aged sandwich artist: What happened to you?
Chubby girl customer: I was scared to come back after last time!
Middle-aged sandwich artist: No, I mean, you’re gaining weight.

–Subway sandwich shop, Times Square

Overheard by: Emma

Middle-Aged man: I hope we don’t get caught.
Prostitute: Don’t worry, I never have.

–81st & Amsterdam
Headline by: Sean

· “…Not Once in My Ten Years on the Force.” – Ingwall
· “Any Extra Charge For the Lip Service?” – Hobo Whisperer
· “He Was Looking For, ”Cause Then We’d Have to Be Punished…'” – alex
· “I’ve Got My Lucky Condom” – Sheri
· “Is Hugh Grant Considered ‘Middle-Aged’?” – Matthew McGuirl
· “My Parents Will Be Home in an Hour” – Lois
· “Skip the Condom. She’s Been Tested, Too” – Andy Adelewitz
· “Take Your Father to Work Day” – Sean Mc Grath

Honorable mentions:
· “Charge Me If You Can” – petch
· “If You Can’t Beat ‘Em (in Public)” – Heather
· “They Were Talking About Their Braces.” – Allison

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Hair stylist: So what kind of band is your boyfriend in?
Magenta-dyed customer: He says it's Emo, but it sounds like the soundtrack to Spring Awakening.

–Supercuts, 6th Ave & Waverly

Overheard by: Jeffrey

Librarian: You'll have to go to Bronx Library Center for that.
Geography wizard: Is that in Manhattan?

–Van Nest Library, The Bronx