The Kind Of Thing We've Come to Expect from Blondie.

Blonde in convertible: Hey, cutie!
Suit: (turns around briefly, keeps walking)
Blonde: Hey! With the nice ass, we were talking to you!
Suit, walking back to convertible: Yes?
Blonde: My friend here thinks you're cute and wants your number.
Suit: Uh… I'm flattered, but I have a fiancee, so I'll pass.
Brunette driver: I didn't ask if you were single, I said you had a nice ass and I want your number.
Suit: Again, thanks, but no.
Brunette: How about I give you mine?
Blonde: You know, for when the marriage doesn't work out.
Suit: Yeah, no. But you girls have a great day.

–3rd Ave & 46th St

Posted on April 26, 2021
Ass, Beauty, Cars and Driving, Compliments, Girls, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Pick-up Lines, Suits, Wishes & desires

And Now You Expect Me to Walk??

Girlfriend, exiting cafe: I told you you should have googled this place before we drove all the way here!
Boyfriend: I'm sorry. Let's just go into the city! Bars are open until five there!
Girlfriend: You couldn't entertain me in Brooklyn for half an hour. What are you going to do with me in the city until five?
Boyfriend: Walk up and down the city streets!

–Bedford Ave & 6th St

Posted on March 2, 2021
Apologies, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Couples, Google, Time

Wednesdays Are Profoundly One-Linered

Yankees fan to Mets friends: When we go to the Yankees stadium I'll be like a retard at a Chuck E. Cheese.

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: Danial

Police officer in van, on loudspeaker: Move to the right! (people in cars ignore the order) Retards! You heard me! Move to the right!

–27th St & 10th Ave

Crazy guy, ranting: You can't have sex with people who aren't retarded because they charge too damn much!

–V Train

Overheard by: Ryan P.

Guy to girl: I never said that I wasn't retarded. Technically, I'm not a hypocrite.

–L Train

Overheard by: Julia

Heavily made-up girl: Do you think retarded people are, like, conceptually aware that they're retarded?

–6 Train

Overheard by: You tell me

Girl: The idea of a retarded Jack Russell Terrier is completely foreign to me, because as I recall, Wishbone was exceptionally well-read.

–Columbia University

Posted on February 22, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Crazies, Friends, Girls, Guys, Handicaps, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Pop Culture, Psychology, Questions, Sex, Shea Stadium, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

I Used to Have 102 of You, You Know.

Woman with dalmatian, stuck on island mid-crossing: We don’t want to get killed on Park Avenue! We need to go to Fifth Avenue!
Dalmatian: [Silent.]Woman: Fifth Avenue only!

–92nd & Park

Posted on February 15, 2021
Cars and Driving, Crazies, Death, Man's Best Friend, NYC Geography, Upper East Side

Wednesday One-Liners Go for the Jugular

Slutty girl: Yeah, we were both drunk and he hit the wrong hole. I've been shitting blood for two days.

–Citi Field Stadium

Gay guy: I mean… She made my dick bleed.

–St. Mark's

Overheard by: jax

Chick laughing hysterically on cell: I know! So much blood came out of his ears!

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Fresh Man

Black man on phone: This car was ripped in half, they had to cut this dude out with the jaws of life, he come out bleeding from his eye sockets and shit. (pause) So you wanna meet up later?

–Willoughby & Vanderbilt

Posted on December 31, 2020
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Biotechs, Black People, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hunter, Laughter, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Poop, Queens, Queer guys, Street, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

People from Manhattan Are Loud for Good Reason

Little girl: Daddy, why did that car just honk?
Father: Because they were from Jersey. (pause) People from Jersey are loud for no apparent reason.

–38th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Rosey

Posted on December 21, 2020
Cars and Driving, Dads, Default, Etiquette, Girls, Insults, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, U.S. Geography

And a Man I Can Pee With!

Frustrated hobo: What are you looking for?
Batty bag lady: A car!
Frustrated hobo: Well, what kind of car?
Batty bag lady: A car I can pee between!

–Eldridge & Broome

Overheard by: Nic

Posted on November 22, 2020
Bag ladies, Cars and Driving, Hobos, Homeless, Lower East Side, Pee, Questions

Come on In– The Wednesday One-Liner Is Fine!

20-something chick: Sea captains doing table-service is never okay.

–A Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Lady on Bluetooth: Well, if you prove to everyone that your vagina is as wide as an ocean, then go ahead!

–Brooklyn

Teenage girl to friend: So, I heard back from the lifeguard application. (pauses, then utterly bewildered) I need to know how to swim!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: totheworld

Loud woman on escalator: No, you don't get it. When you're under water, you're not wet.

–Queens Center Mall

Overheard by: Burning Vegan

Middle-aged man watching seven-year old swimming deftly in shallow end: Oh, yeah? Well, I can drive. Can you? My feet can touch the bottom. Can yours?

–CUNY Swim Class

Overheard by: obyun

Posted on October 20, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, College, Compare/Contrast, Education, Friends, Girls, Height, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Malls, Men, On the Subway, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Sports, Stupidity, Teens, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners: “Is This Thing On?”

PA system: Leia, please meet your party at the front. Leia, not the princess, please meet your party at the front.

–Bed, Bath & Beyond, 18th & 6th

Overheard by: Rebecca

Announcer over loudspeaker: The time is now one am o'clock!

–Baggage Claim, JFK

Overheard by: Kimmie

Loudspeaker announcement: Attention, all late night shoppers, this is a live announcement. I repeat, this is not a recording! Right now, in our deli department, fully-cooked chickens! Come on over and get your chickens! They're hot! They're fresh! And they were alive this morning!

–Pathmark, Cropsey Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Stacy

Announcement over loudspeaker during class: Hello, I'm sorry for the interruption. Mr Poland Spring, you have to go outside, they're about to tow your truck.

–Stuyvesant High School

Loudspeaker: Good afternoon, East Side. Fag football…oops, I mean "flag football" will meet in the cafeteria immediately following advisory.

–East Side Community High School

Posted on October 6, 2020
9 to 5-ers, Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Classroom, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Football, Gays and Lesbians, JFK Airport, Movies, Names, One-liners, Shopping, Store, Stuyvesant, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are Dimmer Than a Flintstones Night Light

Gay guy to friend: I may be gay but I’m not stupid.

–The Flame Diner, 58th St & 9th Ave

Woman to man: But they were only stopping the dumbasses… That’s why they stopped your dumb ass.

–W 66th St & Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

(Blonde is having trouble hailing cab during rush hour)
Gypsy cab driver in town car: No one will take you cuz you’re stupid!

–116th & Broadway

20-something guy to girl: It’s eleven and it will take you till one to get home, then I’ll call you and tell you how stupid you are.

–4th St Subway Station

Overheard by: Glad I’m not dating him

Girl: Alexis, we’ve been over this. You’re stupid.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Crosby

Bimbette, yelling into cell: Yo! Look who you’re talking to–I’m not exactly the smartest person in the world!

–Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: dumb as a rock

Posted on July 27, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Time, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

Cars and Driving

The Kind Of Thing We've Come to Expect from Blondie.