Wednesday One-Liners Cunt Hardly Wait

Thuggette: She just went in there to scoop her vagina out and then she came back.

–Hudson River Park

Teenage girl on cell: Yeah, I got a Brazilian wax for the first time yesterday. And now I'm afraid of the power of my own vagina.

–1 Train

Overheard by: westchester girl

Adorable little girl: I was born in 2002, from my mom's vagina.

–New York Harbor

Overheard by: Barry P.

Man to woman: Ohhhh, is she the one with maggots in her vagina?

–51st & 9th

Overheard by: Highstein

Chick on cell: Tell her to put that in her pipe and smoke it. Or even better, in her vagina. (sarcastically) Ooh, penetration!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Poogins

Very large black man: My penis' jus' as impo-tant as her vagina.
Small meek white man: (nods in agreement or fear)

–A Train

Posted on April 20, 2022
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Fears, Girls, Hudson River, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Parks, Penis, Penn Station, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Teens, Thugs, Vagina, Waxing, Weirdness

The New-Car Smell Of Wednesday One-Liners

Old Jewish lady to moron who parked in the walkway: Move your vehicle! Citizen’s arrest! Get the fuck out of my way!

–Brooklyn

Cop over squad car loudspeaker, to a cab driver: You’ve got to be kidding! Pull over your car now.

–74th St & Park Ave

Guy on cell: Driving? No, we shouldn’t take cars. Because people are gonna be drinkin’ and poppin’ pills and I want everyone to be safe!

–Union Square

Overheard by: rpk

Professor: So how many of you drive pick-up trucks?… Oh wait we’re in New York City, don’t see many pick-up trucks here… And why is that? Well of course it’s because you’d park your car one night and the next morning a small family of three will have a tent pitched in the back. Now there’s an awkward conversation… "Uhm excuse me, good morning but I kiiiind of need to drive to work so if you could unpitch the tent… That’d be excellent."

–St. John’s University, Queens

NYU girl on cell: No! I told you I wanted four doors! OK, love you, bye. (hangs up phone) Seriously, I told my dad I have too many friends for a two door, but that’s all he’s looking at! It’s like he’s not even buying the car for me. He’s so selfish!

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: Angie

Older woman on line at the Guggenheim to young British male who has been talking with a friend: "I programmed my car to sound just like you!"

–89th St & 5th Ave

Posted on February 7, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Classroom, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Fears, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Homeless, Insults, Jews, Languages, Museums, NYU, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, Parents, Queens, Questions, Street, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Women

It’s a Tale As Old As Time

Preppy blonde: And I would be in the alley, all secret… And then out of nowhere people in the street would hear “Fuck yeah–crack!” coming from the alley, and then the police would come, and I would totally be saying goodbye to my chances at Yale.
Tiny brunette friend: Yeah, totally.

–82nd & York

Posted on January 29, 2022
Cops, Crime and Punishment, Default, Education, Fears, Friends, Girls, Hard Drugs, Preppies, Upper East Side

Wednesday One-Liners Regret Listening to Their Biological Clocks

Mother to screaming toddler: Stop it. This is not your day. This is my day. Don't ruin it.

–Gourmet Garage

Southern woman to son: The WWE pose, just like we practiced in the backyard now.

–NBC Studios

Overheard by: Tracy

Mother yelling at three little well-dressed girls: Do not open that bottle of glitter! Do not! If you know glitter… (holding her arms out making a rainbow sort of gesture) Shit flies!

–Central Park

Overheard by: chellie

Very young mother to four-year-old son: Stop that! If you don't start behavin' I'm gonna send you in for the new model!

–R Train

Overheard by: Kait

Ghetto mom to young son running his hand along outside window while walking: Don't do that! You gonna get germs! Yo' hand gonna fall off!

–45th b/w 3rd & Lexington

Overheard by: Lili Von Shtupp

Very serious mother: Well, Megatron could beat Optimus because he's stronger. But Optimus is smarter, so he can outsmart Megatron.

–East Village

Mom holding little boy's hand: Forget everything you've seen today.

–Mermaid Parade, Coney Island Boardwalk

Overheard by: Not forgetting ANYTHING we saw today

Posted on November 11, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Buildings, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Coney Island, Fears, Ghetto Chicks, Grocery Stores, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Parents, Southerners, Sports, Threats, TV, Union Square and East Village, Women

To Be Fair, the Elderly Man Wasn't Wearing Pants Either

Five-year-old girl pissing behind tree to mother trying to talk to elderly man with dog: Look mommy! Look! I'm making a pee-pee behind the tree.
Mother: Yes, sweetie, that's very nice. (returns to conversation with man)
Girl: Mommy! I'm still peeing! I'm still peeing!
Mother: Uh-huh. Well, pull your pants up when you're done.
Girl: Mommy, there's a squirrel! Hi, squirrel!
Old man: Careful! They have rabies and they'll eat you!
Girl, running towards mother with no pants: Aaaaaah!

–Riverside Park

Posted on October 20, 2021
Animals & Nature, Clothing, Fears, Kids, Manhattan, Moms, Old People, Parents, Parks, Pee, Trees and plants

Now You Have to Schlep Out to Queens for That Sort of Entertainment

Chick: So what are the most dangerous places in New York these days?
Dude #1: I don’t know. Hell’s Kitchen used to be the worst.
Dude #2: What about Harlem?
Dude #1: I guess Harlem’s still bad, but it’s not like it used to be where everybody would be waiting around to stab lost white people.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Alex Remnick

Posted on October 2, 2021
Compare/Contrast, Default, Fears, Girls, Guys, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Questions, Race, Stab

Because When I Wasn’t at the Library I Was Having Sex

Girl #1: Again? That’s twice this week.
Girl #2: Yeah, I really think I am a nymphomaniac.

–3rd Ave & 60th St

Posted on September 25, 2021
Default, Fears, Friends, Girls, Psychology, Sexuality, Time, Upper East Side

The Sum Of All Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: And when my brother got near him, his poop came out. That's how scared he was.

–107th & Broadway

Woman on cell: So yeah, they are really scary, like if you walk in the house they will bark really loud, and that's totally worse than them biting you.

–Majestic Theater

Girl on cell: I went in for genetic counseling and I found out things that scared me.

–10th Ave & 39th St

Overheard by: Todd Fletcher

Girl on cell: No, you can't go! I'm too stoned and too scared. Just stay on the phone with me, please.

–Supermarket, Astoria

Conductor: Never fear! The phantom of the train is here!

–7 Train

Overheard by: Alex

Posted on June 14, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Conductors, Family Ties, Fears, Girls, Grocery Stores, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Man's Best Friend, Medicine, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Poop, Public Transportation, Theater, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women

Fears