Girl: …yeah, I can’t wait. He is kinda cute.
Guy: Oh yeah?
Girl: Yeah, in a sort of “fuck me hard, fuck me now” kind of way. But that’s what I’m looking for right now.
20 min. later:
Guy: I really like him. He is a good guy.
Girl: He’s an alcoholic and insane! He’s great though, I like him too.
–2 train
Chick: I just have to go home and masturbate tonight. An orgasm would feel so good right now.
–42nd Street station
Overheard by: The Original Danger
Spanish dude: Yeah, she left me a message and it was like, “Oh, I see you ain’t answering your phone and shit ’cause you doin’ what you do…but that’s ai’ight, I’m a do me.” So I called her, I was like, “What you doin’ you? Matta fact, did you do you already? You gon’ go out and fuck somebody else because I couldn’t pick up my phone?”. And she was like, “Nah, nooo, I didn’t mean it, I was just mad. And then you got that other bitch.” I said, “I’m not concerned about that bitch, I’m concerned about this bitch.”
–A train
Girl #1: You know that guy she is with? He's not homeless, but he just got off the homeless track, you know?
Girl #2: Yeah, she's like his little helper.
–Metro North Rail
Young lady yuppie on cell: It is a perfectly normal fear to be afraid of bubbles!
–83rd & Broadway
Overheard by: KS
Yuppie chick holding hands with yuppie boyfriend: Penis, penis, penis, penis.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: sarah
Yuppie chick on cell: The thing about my ex is it’s, like, the story of ‘If you give a mouse a fucking cookie, I mean, eventually he’ll want to climb into bed with you and have you read him a fucking bedtime story.’
–Rector St
Yuppie: Let’s go find my ex-fiance and beat her up.
–46th & 8th
Man on cell: Was there a lot of bleeding? [unintelligible reply] Well, was it four sheep or five? [reply] We have to find a way to separate the cows from the sheep.
–Elevator, 56th & 8th
Drunk girl, yelling: All I want is a llama! Another cocktail and a llama!
–Terminal 5
Dude: So you’re enjoying acting, LA, monogamy, horses?
–Cafe Esperanto
Chick to friend: I don’t care how well you clean it, I am not doing shots out of that alligator!
–TriBeCa
Overheard by: lalala
Swanky pin-stripe suit on cellphone: The little shit will definitely get approved. He’s as healthy as a French gay ox.
–51st & 3rd
Overheard by: IG
Young black dude: You know the movie The Lion King? Yeah The Lion King! …You know, the one with all the tigers.
–4 Train
Overheard by: BQM lady
Man: Manatees are the most peaceful creatures in the world… They get hit by motor boats!
–Astor Place
Young woman: I really want a boyfriend who is mean, who can say that, “I’m gonna kill him” and then looks down at his hand, and that laughs.
Older woman nods.
Young woman: You know, like those villians in movies with that grin, not the crazy ones who laugh but the ones who grin.
–NYU gym locker room
Girl #1: I feel like shit. I shouldn’t have slept with that guy.
Girl #2: So what kind of sweater are we looking for?
Girl #1: Anything nice that proves how much I love him.
Girl #2: You should get him a white sweater. White is the color of remorse, I think.
Girl #1: But then he’ll understand I cheated on him. He might actually be suspicious already if I buy him a present without an apparent reason.
Girl #2: Just make him dinner then.
–Banana Republic, 5th Ave.
14-year-old girl #1: I wish I had a boyfriend.
14-year-old girl #2: Yeah, me too… Well, either a boyfriend or a puppy.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Dave Rabkin
Yelling wife: You made a promise. You're my husband.
Husband: Can we do this later?
Yelling wife: No, I made the worst mistake of my life marrying you. Take your ring… go.
–F Train
Ghetto chick to friend: Remember when you took that chinchilla from me, back in the day?
–Q Train
Overheard by: Chloe
Grungy dude on cell: So I jumped on my horse and got the fuck outta there.
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: bildita
Guy: …and those Egyptians had crocodiles. Those crocodiles that shoot lasers out of their eyes.
–Metropolitian Musuem of Art
Overheard by: Bonkers in Yonkers
Hipster chick: Deer antlers. Everywhere I go, all I see are deer antlers. I’m getting sick of it.
–14th St & 1st Av
Overheard by: Larry
Thug: I’m like super pimp. I pimp men and women… And cats and dogs. Shit, I got the whole animal kingdom.
–10th & Broadway
Composed chick on cell: He’s a giraffe, and I’m a leopard, and I’m never gonna be a giraffe. I’ve tried and tried, but my destiny is as a leopard, you see? I can fake being a giraffe for awhile, but eventually I’m gonna have to rip his throat out and feed on his entrails. It’s in my nature. The only alternative is divorce.
–Billiard Hall, Elizabeth & Bowery
