Drunk girl in bar during Rose Bowl: It's official–I'm going to be ovulating on my wedding day.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Double V

Random guy: Man, you just gotta cowboy the fuck up and tell the dumb bitch you’re doing her in the ass!

Moe’s Southwest Grill
Norman, Oklahoma

Girl #1: Does she need a green card?
Girl #2: No.
Girl #1: So he just loves her?

Los Angeles, California

Hipster girl to another: I consider myself single, except for the part where I have a boyfriend… so I can't cheat on him.

St. Louis, Missouri

Private school girl: Did I tell you what Jane* asked me?
Best friend: No.
Private school girl: She was all like, ‘Did you hook up with a homeless guy?’ and I was all like, ‘No, of course not! Never say that again!’
Best friend, laughing hard: I can’t believe you did that!
Private school girl: What, hooked up with a homeless guy? It’s not a big deal.

Haight Street
San Francisco, California

Girl, pointing: That kid — he’s my new friend.
Friend: What? That tiny kid?
Girl: Yeah. You said I need a new friend. That kid is my new friend.
Friend: Whatever.
Girl: I think his name is Kyle.

Cosmo Park
Columbia, Missouri

Overheard by: Kelsey

Cab driver, ending phone call: That's why you never marry a chick that'll swallow for an extra $20. Can't believe people like that are on Craigslist!

Boston, Massachusetts

19-year-old girlfriend: You're a silly goose!
19-year-old boyfriend: You are too!
19-year-old girlfriend: That's why we are dating!

Memphis, Tennessee

Guy #1: Yeah, me and that guy have had a total communication breakdown…like, he was talking to me about tin foil! I dunno.
Guy #2, after a pause: Yeah, we should get some lottery tickets.


Receptionist to executive assistant: …so in conclusion, I got peed on…by a taxi driver…who I dated.

Overheard by: Ian