Southern college girl #1: We’re just conversing over here.
Southern college girl #2: The word is ‘conversate.’ ‘Converse’ is a shoe!

–Uptown A train

A tourist mom with three teens in tow halts in the middle of the block, causing two suits and several other people to crash into them.

Suit #1: For the love of God, move, you idiots! There are people walking behind you!
Tourist mom: You don’t have to be so rude!
Suit #2: He’s rude? You clearly see this is a busy sidewalk, and yet you stop dead in the middle and block all traffic!
Tourist mom: He didn’t have to say it so rude — we are not from around here!
Suit #1: And does that somehow excuse your being idiots and stopping in the middle of a busy street?
Tourist mom: At least we are not so rude in Tennessee!
Suit #2: That explains the idiocy, but it still isn’t an excuse.
Tourist mom: That was unnecessary!
Suit #1: Perhaps, but it’s true.
Suit #2: Here, maybe this is more polite: Welcome to New York. Slow walking idiots prone to stopping for no reason stay to the fucking right of busy sidewalks, and don’t get in the way of the non-mentally impaired locals. Now fuck off.

–50th & 6th

Alabaman, about MLK Day: Yeah, well, down in Alabama we don’t celebrate his birthday, but the day he was shot.
College kid: Uh…

–49th & 3rd

Girl to guy: I don't think that hamsters respond to you as much as, like, a guinea pig does.

–Bank St. & Greenwich St.

Overheard by: Katie Compa

Crazy redneck-looking guy to PETA circus protester: They're gonna do to us what they did to the lions! We'll be put in concentration camps!

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Santiago and Catie

Guy: And she can ride him like a horse!

–W 103rd St

Graying Brooklyn guy to another: You know, the only thing I haven't seen is a bobcat.

–7th Ave & 4th St, Brooklyn

Underclassman to another: Lizards can't impregnate anyone. They don't even have penises.

–Townsend Harris High School

Overheard by: amused

Drunk man in tiger costume to McDonald's worker: There's an escaped zoo animal and he wants to eat your pussy. Stop serving your food and hide! (then steals bowl of jams used for breakfast menu)


Texan Guy #1: Wow, I haven’t owned an overcoat in years!
Texan Guy #2: In Texas if you wear one they’ll shoot you! It means you’re a bank robber.

–Madison Ave & 43rd

Texan dude: Have you ever noticed how everyone on this train is small?
Female companion: Hunh.
Texan dude: Maybe it’s ’cause they come from third world countries. Malnourished and stuff.

–L train, Grand

Overheard by: Joe Roumeliotis

Hick tourist #1: Why don’t we get off at the next stop… Bow Ray? Bow Ray?
Hick tourist #2: Bowery.

–Brooklyn-bound J train, approaching Canal St

Overheard by: there’s no e in tracy

Headline by: Jatmos


· “1 child left behind” – Reekuhhhh!

· “And ‘SoHo’ Has a Whole Other Meaning Once You’ve Crossed the Mason-Dixon” – julietaroja

· “From the people who brought you nuc-u-lar” – Krisztina

· “Hicked on Phonics did not work at all” – Darvio Harvo

· “If at first you don’t succeed, try the exact same thing again” – Nathan Logan

· “It’s never too early for a Steve Irwin joke.” – hauptman

· “Same situation, but the passerby would call them “Cletus”” – Julie

· “They should probably take off those white hoods before stepping foot in the poetry club.” – erak

· “Tomato, tomater” – Lennyb

· “That sounds kinda gay, Cletus.” – Rich Anderson

· “Why didn’t we let them secede again?” – Nathaniel

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Redneck couple #1, looking at clocks: Look, honey, Chicago's an hour behind us. Why's that?
Redneck couple #2: That's because they don't celebrate daylight savings time.

–Times Square

Bodega guy: What do you want?
Redneck: Camel Lights. Hard pack.
Bodega guy: $6.95.
Redneck: What? You fuckin’ kiddin’ me? That’s higher than a giraffe’s pussy!

–106th & Columbus

Overheard by: Marc

Little kid, holding out french fry: Patata!
Hick woman: Patoota? What's that?
Hick man: Little kids' word.

–Belgian Beer Bar, 75th & 2nd

Overheard by: Even my Spanish isn't that bad