Woman #1: So how did the date go?
Woman #2: Well, he started telling me about his favorite books, and I was all: “you know niggas can't read!”


Man: My girlfriend doesn't know it yet, but I'm going to get her pregnant.

Ottawa, Canadia

Overheard by: amanda

Guy: Yeah, no, she dumped me.
Friend: Why?
Guy: Dunno, but I think it was ’cause I said her sister was better in bed.

Student #1: Did you end up taking her to SeaWorld or Busch Gardens or something?
Student #2: Naw, man, I told you — she set all my clothes on fire!
Student #1: See, I think that’s kinky.

Michigan State University

Shorter kid playing basketball to taller kid: Your dad bought your mom at Ikea!

Watertown, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Ariel

Female student #1: But, like, he’s a really good guy, and he’s going to make some girl very happy one day.
Female student #2: Right… But that girl’s just not you.
Female student #1: Exactly! But we might hang out this weekend and, like, have sex or something.
Female student #2: Nothin’ wrong with that.

Cornell University
Ithaca, New York

Sorority chick, from across room: Hey, do you wanna go steady?
Frat guy: Sure, when?
Sorority chick: I dunno… Let me ask my boyfriend and get back to you.
Frat guy: Sweet. Just as long as I get to tap that.


Overheard by: confused and disgusted

Dude to friend: … And then she asked me, ‘Where do you think this relationship is going?’ Fuck! She calls me when she’s drunk, and I leave the door unlocked for her… This situation is working out well for me — that’s where this relationship is going.

Museum of Flight
Seattle, Washington

Girl to friend: And then this guy, I can't remember his name, he was like “hey, you want some cake?” But I've read his blog and he believes in creationism, so I was like “no, thanks.”

New Zealand

20-something guy: It's a good thing it didn't work out. She was poor.

Rock Climbing Gym
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: tangotravellers