White guy talking about his ex‐girlfriend: Then she was like “Oh, I’m getting married. I want you to be part of my wedding.” She was like “You can be my brides‐man.“
Even whiter friend: What? Like a groom?
White guy: No! A brides‐man.
–6 Train
Overheard by: playtoe
Woman getting haircut: So it all began when I was dating an Italian underwear model…
Hairdresser (after a short pause): Yes?
Woman: He was the worst fuck of my life!
–Institu Salon, 19th & Irving
Girl: Have you got a light, baby?
Man: No! I will not have sex with you!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Loves Sex and the City
Concerned male friend: Well, aren’t you afraid of gettin’ like, an STD or something? Don’t you use condoms?
Confused teen girl: Well, we did the first few times, but then we didn’t. I mean, he’s been coming inside me for like a year now and nothin’ ever happened. (points to belly, implying she’s pregnant)
Concerned male friend: And how old is he again? How old are you?
Confused teen girl: He’s 18. I’m 16 – almost 17.
Concerned male friend: Damn, I don’t know. This is fucked up. What you gonna do when you wanna go out? Like with your friends and shit.
Confused teen girl: I’ll take my baby with me!
–E Train
Headline by: Erica Neumann
Runners‐Up:
· “$5 Says You Guys Don’t Get a Single Non‐Palin Headline on This One” — twoferrets
· “Ju No What I’m Talking About?” — Barry P.
· “My Breast‐milk Is Gonna Be, Like, Fifty Percent Jägermeister…” — Who Doesn’t Love A Drunken Infant?
· “That Thing Is Gonna Need One Hell Of a Fake I.D.” — MJP
· “There’s a Bristol Palin Joke Here Somewhere…” — S‑Train
· “You Know, Like One Of Those Elmo Backpacks?” — All by myself.
Gay guy to friend: I may be gay but I’m not stupid.
–The Flame Diner, 58th St & 9th Ave
Woman to man: But they were only stopping the dumbasses… That’s why they stopped your dumb ass.
–W 66th St & Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
(Blonde is having trouble hailing cab during rush hour)
Gypsy cab driver in town car: No one will take you cuz you’re stupid!
–116th & Broadway
20‐something guy to girl: It’s eleven and it will take you till one to get home, then I’ll call you and tell you how stupid you are.
–4th St Subway Station
Overheard by: Glad I’m not dating him
Girl: Alexis, we’ve been over this. You’re stupid.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Crosby
Bimbette, yelling into cell: Yo! Look who you’re talking to – I’m not exactly the smartest person in the world!
–Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: dumb as a rock
Russki #1: You can have my girlfriend.
Russki #2: I don’t want your girlfriend, she has AIDS.
Russki #1: Use a condom.
–Staten Island
Overheard by: R
Chick leaving bar to friend: That’s it, I have given up on New York men!
Guy in Yankees shirt: Hey! Don’t judge us by guys from Queens.
–Bohemian Beer Garden, Astoria
Overheard by: Mike H
Headline by: Nicola
Runners‐Up:
· “…but by Our Slick Taste in T‑Shirts!” — Ijudgeyou
· “His Argument Would Carry More Weight If He Wasn’t Peeing Against a Brick Wall at the Time” — James
· “It’s Like Judging Americans by George Bush” — Allison
· “Just by Guys Who Hang Out in Queens” — From Brooklyn
· “Otherwise You’d All Be Lesbians” — Katie Darling
· “There Are Four More Boroughs Waiting to Disappoint You” — AngusM
Guy #1: The thing is, dating gets so much harder as we get older.
Guy #2: Yeah, especially if you’re intelligent.
Guy #1: It’s not like you can just look at a woman and tell if she’s smart enough to date.
Guy #2: True.
Guy #1: I’d never date an Aries though.
–in line at MOMA
Girl #1: When Annie is in a relationship, she’s really serious. But when she was single she went through what we like to call the “sit on your face” phase.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: She’d go up to a guy in the bar we were in and say, “man, you look so good tonight. I might just sit on your face later.”
(girl #2 laughs)
Girl #1: Yeah… “sit on your face” was the new black for a while.
–Pig ‘n’ Whistle Bar
Overheard by: Ellen
Thug: I need a girl who’s responsible and don’t got no kids.
–40th & 5th
Dude: Are we talking about the truth now? The truth is that you’re scared that she’s going to take your son away from you!
–27th Street office
Black guy on cell: Yeah, it was actually all right. We were both circumcised.
–Union Square greenmarket
Overheard by: Lisa Ramaci
