50-something yuppie guy to another: My wife just doesn't understand that men go through menopause too. It's not just a woman's problem. These past few months I can tell that I've begun my menopause.
Teenage girl sitting across from two yuppies: I'm pretty sure they call what you're going through “erectile dysfunction.”
–F Train
Overheard by: Sophia
Old woman: Everyday I wake up is a good day.
(pause)
Old man: Everyday I get a boner is a good day.
–Grand Central
Teacher: My father always told me, "Never run away from a fight. If the guy's bigger than you, hit him. If he gets back up, hit him again. If he gets back up again, hit him with a garbage can. If he still gets back up, run like hell, 'cause this dude's gonna kill you!"
–Stuyvesant High School
Teacher: Okay. Emergency procedures. If the fire bell rings, we run like hell.
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: Goober
Chinese teacher (referring to Sichuan earthquake): They had a saying after the earthquake happened that originates from a male part. "People are supposed to rise up, and get hard!" …and be strong.
–Bard High School Early College
Math teacher: Give me your little men!
–Spence School
English teacher: I could be charged with child abuse in some states for teaching grammar in 90-degree weather. (student is silent) I'm not going to hit you.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Bisexual guy: They say a boner is the body's natural thumbs up.
Transexual guy: Wait a minute.
–Harlem
Bespectacled lady, reading list of pointers to middle schoolers before a dance: Don't be a wallflower. Don't leave the dance during the middle of a song.
Sassy lady across the table: Don't get a boner.
–Picholine Restaurant
Hipster #1: So she said he couldn't get it up?
Hipster #2: Yeah, but she's not sure if it's just all the heroin or that he's actually queer.
Hipster #1: But I mean, isn't that the case for every dude from Wesleyan?
–L Train
Big black charity worker: Would you like to sign and make a donation for the less fortunate children around this area?
Newly immigrated Asian lady No, no have money.
Big black charity worker, unfazed: Okay. (starts walking away) Money makes my dick hard, I see Benjamins, I stay hard all day!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Chuhan Luo
Check in girl: I only like buying books with sparkles on the cover.
–York & 72nd
Overheard by: fance
Teenage girl on cell: I gotta find this book in the religion section. You know, it's like… it's not that you believe in god, or you don't believe in god, but that you just don't care? I want that book!
–Borders Bookstore, Midtown
Amtrak conductor: A free copy of Amtrak's Arrive magazine is located in your seat pocket. For those seeking enlightenment, this magazine is the first step.
–Train, Penn Station
Student, discussing The Sound and the Fury: I suppose it's a very *artsy* ending–a big, retarded guy holding a broken flower… Does that come with skinny jeans and an apartment in Williamsburg?
–Stuyvesant High School
Tipsy 30-something nerd: We can't all be riding escalators with hard-ons.(older woman turns around) What, lady? It's a literary reference, look it up!
–1st & 7th
Overheard by: Phyllis Dean
Older gentleman on phone: I was just calling to ask if you wanted to make love to my nice, long, Lebanese penis again tonight. (pause) Yes, yes, 10 works for me.
–45th & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Morgan
Mother, hissing to girl dancing exuberantly: You stop that! Stop it! Boys will try to sex you! Stop!
–6 Train Station
Girl on cell, yelling: He got soft inside me! That's, like, the worst insult ever!
–23rd & 9th
Girl on cell: Come over to the 7-Eleven anytime. I will fuck you!
–Washington Square West
Overheard by: David Fishkind
Brunching woman to friends: We lived in Buffalo! We could have had sex on the sidewalk, but it was four years before we were engaged!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Alexandra
