Woman on cell: I’m at Fiddler on the Roof…A play.
–45th & 7th
Overheard by: Hope Abrams
Orthodox man on cell: $700,000…this is nothing to do with money…I just want to get even with that guy…the one you wanted to smack…Goldberg…he’s a liar and a thief and he wanted me to deal with a Gentile.
–Madison & 33rd
JAP: Sorry, I just get very Jewish about my weed.
–Madison & 97th
Overheard by: drew grant
Pre-JAP: Oh, and? At the party, we’re making schmores.
Jewish mom: S’mores.
Pre-JAP: That’s what I said. Schmores.
–Loews, 42nd Street
Overheard by: Heather Hunter
Player: Girl, your nose is like a Seinfeld episode.
–The Gate, Park Slope
A hobo sits with a HUNGRY JEW sign and begs: Lox, bagels, cream cheese? Lox, bagels, cream cheese?
–Broadway & 80th
Producer: Is Purim the holiday where they dress up? There was this little girl with an eyepatch and I was like, “Arr, you’re a pirate?” and her mom was like, “Actually, she had her eye put out.”
–27th street office
JAP on cell: I give up. I have been posting personal ads looking for “tall, dark and handsome” and all I ever end up with is “short, hairy, Jewish”. I guess I should just accept my fate.
–Starbucks, 48th & 3rd
Black guy: I ain’t Jewish, so I don’t be doin’ no Yom Kippur.
–D train
Overheard by: Nash Astor
Crazy Hasid: Who are the three greatest Jewish lawyers of all time? Roy Cohen, Roy Cohen, Roy Cohen, Johnny Cochran, Alan Dershowitz. Who are the three greatest doctors of all time? Dr. Dolittle, Dr. Dolittle, Dr. Dolittle, Alan Dershowitz.
–F train
Overheard by: bluesdog
Jewess on cell: You know, I love Great Neck, but I don’t know. I have to consider it. I’m not super Jewish and he’s not super Jewish. And you know how Jews are. They can be nice to non-Jews, but they can be caustic to other Jews.
–Union Square
Lady: I just don’t get smoking, or people who smoke…smoking and bacon; I don’t get it.
–UWS elevator
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
JAP: Didn’t it fall down back in the early nineties too?
–Ground Zero
Female coworker: I just don't think I'm looking in the right places to meet guys.
Jappy coworker: Just get a group of girls together, and go to services at B'nai Jeshurun, I hear it's a meat market on Shabbat.
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: Melissa
JAP #1, after #2 took her picture: Ugh! Doesn’t the camera add 50 pounds?!
JAP #2: No, I changed it so it wouldn’t do that anymore.
–Metro-North
Overheard by: Jesus Jon
NYU JAP #1: So, like, do you want to go get margaritas tonight?
NYU JAP #2, grimacing: Ugh. I’m, like, still nauseous. If you, like, say ‘margarita’ again, I might throw up.
–University & Waverly
JAP #1: Oh my gawd, I have so many papers to write for school!
JAP #2: My friend is going to Parsons. She's not even that talented.
JAP #1: I'm so bad at writing papers. You know what I do? I find something someone else said. Something that I like…and then I just change the words.
–R Train
Cute JAP talking about all the stuff she gets: I don't need a man, I have my mom.
–Rare View Bar
Overheard by: white guy
Blonde girl to male friend: Listen, John. Fifteen minutes, your mom. Fifteen minutes, your mom.
–R Train
Annoying 40-something new mom: A good mom always has a diaper in her pocket!
–Barnes & Noble, 18th & 5th
Overheard by: I Am McLovey
Coworker: I got a bootleg mother.
–Midtown
Window-shopping tourist to wife: Look, honey! It's the dress your mother wore when they buried her!
–Union Square
Overheard by: CJ
Guy: I go over to the house for Mother's Day and she yells at me for not calling her for Mother's Day like my brother did. So I go outside and call her from my cell and say "happy Mother's Day!" and she yells at me for being an idiot.
–37th & 7th
